


Dr@bb!eworks!

by Amazing_Grace



Category: THE iDOLM@STER
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor, One-Shots, Random - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-10 16:06:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 36,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1161779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amazing_Grace/pseuds/Amazing_Grace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically just a collection of random one-shots centering around the characters of iDOLM@STER, written because I was bored, and it's fun. I accept requests from writers who would like me to do a one-shot for them! The only things I WILL NOT write are: Yaoi, Yuri, and Lemons. The rest is TOTALLY fair game.<br/>Currently, I am a bit backed up with previous requests, and if I accept more at all, they will come slowly. The mood, theme, ad characters vary with the one-shot. Mostly random funnies. Hopefully funnies.</p>
<p>Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Getting a Free Room

 

**Getting a Free Room**

 

**Ami**

“Rats!” Ritsuko exclaimed. “We’re out of money!”

“Out of money?” Iori echoed. “What?! But that means…we won’t have anywhere to stay!”

“We have 5,000 yen,” Ritsuko corrected herself. “But that won’t get us a room anywhere.”

“Sure it will!” Ami laughed. “Riichan, just pick a hotel and let Ami handle the rest.”

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow and shook her head. “Alright, fine. Whatever you say.”

“What’s Ami’s budget, Riichan?”

“Hm…if you can get us a room for 1,500 yen, that should be enough.”

“Alrighty-tighty!”

After settling on a hotel and heading inside, Ritsuko sent Ami to the counter to get them a room. Ami immediately slammed her elbow on the counter and stared at the male desk clerk.

“Hey you!” she snapped. “Ami needs a room!”

“Alright,” the man answered. “That’ll be fifteen-thousand yen.”

“One-thousand-five-hundred yen!” Ami demanded.

“What?! That’s ridiculous!” the man snapped. “Fifteen-thousand!”

“One-thousand-five-hundred!”

“Fifteen-thousand!”

“One-thousand-five-hundred!”

“Fifteen-thousand!”

“Fifteen-thousand!”

“One-thousand-five-hundred!”

“Fifteen-thousand!”

“One-thousand-five-hundred! Take it or leave it!” the man lashed.

“OK!” Ami cheered, placing the one-thousand-five-hundred yen on the table and snatching up the room key that the man had gotten ready. “Thanks for doing busting with Ami~!”

“You mean business…w-wait a second! This is…you tricked me!”

Ami ran, laughing, over to Ritsuko and handed her the key.

“Great, now we need some more rooms…one won’t be enough but we only have 3,500 yen left…dang,” the female producer sighed. She looked up and over to Azusa. “Right. Azusa-san, your turn!”

 

**Azusa**

 

Azusa blinked. “OK~,” she agreed pleasantly. She walked up to the man at the counter. “Hello, sir, could I stay here?”

“Of course,” the man answered, “for 15,000 yen.”

Azusa leaned forwards, laying her breasts on the counter. The man blushed and stared.

“Are you sure I couldn’t stay for free?” she cooed, placing her head in her hand and her other hand on the counter. The man gulped and pulled out a key, all the while staring at Azusa’s large breasts. He handed her the key.

“S-sure, you can stay here for free,” he muttered.

“Thank you~” Azusa retreated and handed the key to Ritsuko, who laughed.

“Chihaya! Your turn!”

 

**Chihaya**

 

Chihaya walked to the counter. “A room,” she demanded. “I have no money to pay with, but I can sing for the hotel if that would pay it off.”

“Just singing?” The man frowned upon seeing Chihaya’s lack of a chest immediately after having been entranced by Azusa’s extraordinarily larger one.

In response, Chihaya started to sing.

The man listened, mesmerized. When Chihaya finished, a random person ran to the counter and bought a room for three times as much as she should have because she thought she would be able to hear Chihaya sing.

Chihaya blinked and held out her hand to the man. “My key,” she ordered. “I will sing for the hotel.”

“Of course,” the man droned, handing her a key. Chihaya turned and walked back to Ritsuko, handing her the key.

Ritsuko nodded. “Right. If each room has two beds, then…three more and we should be good!”

“The rooms only have one bed,” Azusa answered. “I’ve been here before. We’ll need ten more keys.”

“Nine,” Mami corrected. “Ami and Mami will share a bed.”

“Nine more keys, then,” Ritsuko corrected. “Haruka, go!”

 

**Haruka**

 

Haruka walked over to the counter, tripped, stood back up, and smiled sweetly at the man.

“Good evening!” she greeted. “I have come for a room, please!”

“40,000 yen,” the man demanded, reaching out a hand.

“Eh?!” Haruka gasped. “I don’t…I-I don’t have that much money!”

“Then you don’t get a room.”

“…my best friend is that singer,” Haruka muttered darkly, “and if you don’t give me a room key, I will have her not perform.”

“So—”

“Also,” Haruka cut in, smiling, “two of my good friends are martial artists. I wonder how easy it would be for them to break your skinny little neck…?”

The man blinked and gulped.

“Don’t worry. If you give me a key I won’t send them after you,” Haruka promised. “The other day I watched Makoto-chan break a coconut in half with her bare hands. Sir, which do you think is harder? A human skull or a coconut?” She cast a glance to Makoto, who waved.

The man slowly slid her a key. “…here,” he muttered. “Take…t-take it.”

Haruka grinned. “Thank you!” she cheered, skipping back to Ritsuko and handing her the key. The second she did, Hibiki took off to the counter.

 

**Hibiki**

 

Hibiki ran over to the counter, threw Hamuzou at the man, and while he was distracted, she grabbed a key.

“SUCKA!” she screeched. “C’mon, Hamuzou! RUN~!”

With a loud, triumphant squeak, Hamuzou leapt off the man’s face and onto Hibiki’s shoulder. Hibiki ran back to Ritsuko and shoved the key in her hands.

“Hey!” the man snapped. “You can’t—”

“I own a gator, fool!”

“I…enjoy your stay.”

 

**Iori**

 

Iori flipped her hair. “Hmph! You guys are all amateurs,” she sniffed. “Watch how a Minase gets a free room!”

“Go, Forehead-chan!” Miki yelped.

“It’s IORI!”

“Miki likes Forehead-chan better, though~nano.”

“Stupid.” Iori sashayed up to the counter and smiled, flipping her hair. “Hello, sir! I was just wondering if I could have a free room. Nihihi~!”

“And…why should I give you this free room?” the man asked, sounding uninterested.

“Because I’m Minase Iori.”

“Why should I care if…” The man trailed off. “…Minase.”

“Yes, that’s correct. The Minase Group has helped your hotel out of many a money situation, am I right?” Iori gave a little curtsey. “I believe you owe me a favor!”

The man sighed. “OK, OK…you’re right…Minase-san. Here, your room key.”

“Thank you~!” Iori took her key and handed it to Ritsuko.

Ritsuko laughed. “Look at this! Six rooms and we’ve only spent 1,500 yen!” She looked over at Makoto. “Makoto!”

Makoto saluted. “Yes!”

“Do your thing!”

“Right!”

 

**Makoto**

 

Makoto practically jumped over to the man at the counter and lay her arms across the hard surface. “Hi there~!” she squeaked. “So~, since I’m cute~, I was wondering~…”

“Let me guess—you want a free room too, huh?” the man moaned.

“Yup~!”

“No.”

Makoto frowned and straightened up a bit. “Please~?”

“No. And…stop looking at me like that. It’s creepy for guys to look at guys that way.”

“I’m—” Makoto cut off. “…could I talk to a female employee?”

The man blinked. “I’m done with this.” Giving up, he peeked into the door behind him. “Juri! Come out here, it’s your turn! I’m going on break!”

“Huh? But, my shift doesn’t start for another five minutes. I’m on break.”

“Break’s over! There’s a customer waiting!”

There was a loud sigh. “Fine, Kagomi. Here I come.” A girl wandered out of the door and out to the counter. “Hi, how may I…” She trailed off and blushed.

Makoto took a quick, deep breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she was staring directly at the girl and flashed her one of her most handsome smiles.

“Hello,” she greeted in a deep voice.

The girl, apparently named Juri, twitched slightly. “I…h-hello.”

“You see, my friends and I are staying here for the weekend…” Makoto gestured to the girls behind her. “Well, we’re out of money. Do you think you could get me a room for free?”

Juri looked over at the other idols and frowned jealously. “…Only if you kiss me.”

“I’m…ill.”

“Then, before you go~?”

“Sure~”

Juri squealed excitedly. “Oh, you’re just so handsome I can hardly stand it~! Here, take this key~!”

“Thanks~”

Makoto took the key and went to Ritsuko, then collapsed in sobs into her elder’s shoulder.

Ritsuko patted her back. “It’s OK, it’s OK…calm down. OK, Miki! Go!”

 

**Miki**

 

Miki hopped over to the counter and smiled at Juri. “Hi~”

Juri narrowed her eyes. “…you’re one of those girls staying with my handsome little darling. Hands off. He’s mine.”

“Makoto-kun is Miki’s,” Miki stated quickly. “OK, so Miki is really tired and Miki wants a room, and Miki is cute so you should give her a free room.”

Juri raised an eyebrow. “I can’t just…go around giving people free rooms.”

“Well, you can for Miki.”

“…go away, kid.”

“No.” Miki paused. “Miki wants that other guy.”

Juri sighed. “Kagomi! They want you!”

“I’m eating a sandwich!”

“He’s busy,” Juri told Miki. “Now go away.”

“Pleeeaaase?” Miki whined.

“No. And keep your hands off my…what was his name?”

“Makoto-kun?”

“Yeah! He’s mine!”

“…Makoto-kun is a girl.”

“…She’s mine!”

“She’s Miki’s! …And Yukiho’s! And…since Takane is the Silver Queen, she would have to marry a prince like Makoto-kun, right~nano?” Miki nodded decisively. “Here’s the deal. Miki will agree to not use her charms and amazing good looks to sweep Makoto-kun off her feet if you give Miki a free room.” She turned around and winked flirtatiously at Makoto, who waved awkwardly.

Juri gasped. “You…cheater!”

Miki giggled and started hopping again. “Miki is getting tired. Miki may have to just pass out into her prince’s waiting arms~”

“Don’t you dare…!”

“Afuu~nano.”

“Mine!”

“Then give Miki a free room!” Miki ordered.

“What makes you think she would want you over me?” Juri snapped.

Miki observed her. “Miki’s boobs…are bigger than yours.”

Juri gasped again and covered her chest. “My handsome perfect…Makoto-kun, right? She could never be so shallow as to go for something like that!”

“GIVE. MIKI. A ROOM!”

“Fine!” Juri threw a key at her. “Take it! You jerk!” She proceeded to cry and ran into the back room. Kagomi took her place and sighed.

“I need that key back,” he told Miki.

Miki hopped and her breasts bounced.

“…enjoy your stay.”

“Thanks~!”

Miki ran back to Ritsuko and handed over the key. “Hi, Makoto-kun. You’re mine.”

“…OK…?”

Ritsuko nodded and pushed her glasses farther up on the bridge of her nose. “OK, kids. Watch how a professional does things.”

 

**Ritsuko**

 

Ritsuko stalked over to the counter and stared Kagomi in the face. “I have 3,500 yen. I need a room. Please give me one.”

Kagomi raised an eyebrow. “The cheapest room I can get you is for 15,000 yen,” he explained. “Sorry. And…no free rooms, OK?!”

“I’m not asking for a free room,” Ritsuko said. “I’m asking for a 3,500 yen room.”

“No can do, sorry.”

“I am the producer of the idol group Ryuuguu Komachi,” Ritsuko said suddenly. “Perhaps you’ve heard of them?”

“Yeah, I have,” Kagomi answered. “They’re good. Consists of Futami Mami, Miura Azusa, and Minase Iori…” He trailed off. “They’re here, aren’t they?”

“Exactly. I can have them sing for the hotel, or even give you your own private concert if you want.”

“Private concert…?”

“And the price of tickets is one room key.”

Kagomi stared at her and then looked over at the Ryuuguu Komachi girls, and smiled. “OK. Fine. But they’d better make it the performance of their lives. Here.” He handed Ritsuko a key. Ritsuko took it, smiled, and handed him 500 yen.

“For you,” she told him. “Sorry about all this. But we do need a place to stay.”

Kagomi laughed nervously. “You know what, it’s fine. All that’s at stake is my job, right?” He sighed. “Whatever. But this is the last I can do.”

Ritsuko walked back over to her idols, smirking. “Sure it is. Takane, go on up!”

 

**Takane**

 

Takane walked up to the desk, a regal air surrounding her. She paused and looked at Kagomi.

“Greetings,” she piped. “It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance today. I am Shijou Takane.” She bowed.

“Takita Kagomi,” Kagomi responded. “Nice to meet you.”

“My friends and I are in need of a place to stay,” Takane said. “I would appreciate it very much if you could provide me with a room key for free.”

Kagomi stared at her breasts. “…Sure.” He handed her a key. “…but only if you’ll share it with me.”

“The key?”

“Your bed.”

“...”

Takane left quickly.

“Wait! C-come back!”

Ritsuko took the key and laughed. “Well, that was interesting,” she sighed.

“I was hoping to win him over with my regal charms,” Takane admitted. “But he was distracted by such a shallow thing.”

“Don’t worry,” Ritsuko insisted. “You got us a key, at least. OK! Yayoi!”

Yayoi was already at the counter.

 

**Yayoi**

 

“U-uun!” Yayoi cheered. “Hi! My name is Takatsuki Yayoi! High touch!”

Kagomi blinked, glanced down at her chest, and frowned, then shrugged and gave her a high touch anyways. “Hey, kid.”

“I can cook!” Yayoi exclaimed.

Kagomi blinked again. “Cool…?”

“For the hotel!”

“…We already have a chef…”

“Fire him!”

“But I…what?”

“Free room!”

“What?”

“My siblings are cute!”

“…wait, seriously, what?”

Yayoi bounced. “Happy birthday!”

“But it’s… _what_?”

Yayoi walked around to the key holder thing, took a key, and walked away. “I’ll donate half to charity, and half to world peace!”

“Half of what?”

“The money I saved on this key!”

“You…WHAT?!”

 

**Yukiho**

 

Ritsuko took the key from Yayoi and chuckled. “Nice strategy,” she praised.

“What strategy?” Yayoi asked innocently.

Ritsuko blinked and shrugged. “Yukiho? You’re the last one.”

Yukiho squeaked, shaking, and stared in fear at Kagomi.

Ritsuko sighed. “You have got to be kidding me. Someone go get the other girl.”

“Miki offended her too much,” Miki stated.

Ritsuko groaned. “Come on, Yukiho. Go on up,” she cooed.

Yukiho gulped and lifted a hand to her mouth. “Hello…!” she called.

Kagomi waved.

“I-I would like a free room!”

“You can’t have one,” Kagomi replied.

Yukiho squeaked.

“…what?”

Makoto pushed her over to the counter and ran.

Yukiho squeaked louder and longer.

Kagomi stared. “You’re kinda pretty this close.”

Yukiho gripped her shovel, which had magically appeared out of nowhere as usual.

“Your chest…is pretty big.”

Yukiho clutched the shovel so hard her knuckles turned white. She tried not to pass out.

Kagomi touched her breast. “…Nice.”

Yukiho screamed and smacked him in the face with the shovel so hard that he passed out. She started to cry, reached across and grabbed a key, then ran sobbing back to the others.

Makoto embraced her and rubbed her back. “There, there…don’t worry, Yukiho. It’s OK. His face is bleeding now, see?”

“I KILLED HIM~!”

“No you didn’t! Relax!”

Yukiho squeaked yet again and buried her face in Makoto’s shoulder. Makoto managed to get the key from her and tossed it to Ritsuko, who caught it.

Ritsuko laughed. “Well, in any case…good job! Now let’s go to our rooms!”

The idols laughed and talked and walked up to their rooms and slept and ate and everything went perfectly.

The end.

 


	2. Randomly at the Random Beach

 

**Randomly At the Random Beach**

 

Ami threw sand at Mami.

Mami tackled Ami to the floor.

Someone took a picture.

Ami stood up and grinned down at her defeated sister. “Ha! Ami is the Beach Wrestling Queen! Take that, Mami!”

“MAMI CAN’T! MAMI IS DEAD!”

“…darn.”

 

Ritsuko observed the idols, standing next to Producer. “They seem happy.”

“Yeah, they do,” Producer agreed. Both producers adjusted their glasses at the same time.

“Well, I’m gonna go get a tan,” Ritsuko announced. “I challenged Hibiki to a tan-off. I have to win or she’ll force me to perform on stage.”

The idols had randomly decided to go to a random beach for a random reason and do random stuff randomly. The beach they were at was literally called Random Beach, and there was a legend that whosoever stepped foot on this beach would do random stuff for completely random reasons.

“LOOK, YOU GUYS!” Haruka shouted from the water. “I’M RIDING A DOLPHIN!”

Yup, that legend was definitely true.

 

Yukiho held up her shovel. “Who wants to get buried in the sand?” she called.

“I do!” said some random kid. Yukiho smiled.

“O-OK! Please be patient!”

She then dug a hole in under twelve seconds. The random kid jumped in it. Yukiho buried him.

“A-anyone else…?”

A bunch of random kids cheered. Yukiho buried all of them.

 

“Ritsuko-san. Ritsuko-san. Ritsuko-san. Ritsuko-san. Ritsuko-san? Ritsuko-san! RITSUKO-SAN!”

“WHAT?!”

Ritsuko glared up at whoever was talking to her. Makoto beamed down at her and held out a crab.

“I found a crab.” She smiled wider.

“…go tell someone who cares, kid.”

“OK.” She went to Producer. “Producer. Producer. Producer. Producer. Producer? Producer! PRODUCER!”

“WHAT?!”

“I found a crab.”

“…cool…?”

“Bye. I’m gonna go bother all those kids Yukiho buried.”

“I feel like I work at a cemetery…!”

 

Takane stared at the sun. “One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Ow…” She looked away, her eyes red. “Hibiki, it is your turn. Try to defeat my mighty record.”

Hibiki laughed. “No problemo!” she insisted. She stared at the sun. “One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six!” She looked away. “Six! Six! I got six! Ya got five an’ I—I got six! Six! Yeah!”

 

“If you just hold still…it’ll leave us alone,” Iori hissed.

Yayoi’s lower lip quivered. “What…what is that?” she whispered.

Iori glared at it. “It’s…a can someone didn’t recycle!”

Yayoi gasped. “No…! How could someone do such a thing…?!”

Iori shook her head. “Hold on. I’m going to turn it in.”

“To the police…?!”

“No, you fool! To that store that collects bottles and cans and gives you money!”

“They have those in Japan?”

“I…this is…just hold still while I pick it up!”

The can rolled towards them. Iori and Yayoi screamed and threw their arms around each other.

Iori gulped. “This is going to take a while…”

 

Azusa grabbed Chihaya’s hand and put it on her hip. “See?”

Chihaya blinked. “I do not see the point of this, Azusa-san. I could be singing.”

Azusa clicked her tongue. “No, no, that won’t do…maybe…” She moved Chihaya’s hand off her hip and behind her hair. “There~! And now we need wind.” She turned on a random electric fan, which was completely normal considering this was Random Beach. Chihaya’s hair started to blow in the fake wind.

“I still do not see the point in this.”

“Be quiet, Chihaya-chan! I’m trying to make you look sexy!” Azusa placed her face in her hand. “Hm…puff out your chest a little.”

Chihaya leaned forward and stuck her chest out.

“Lean back again, Chihaya-chan. Stand erect and proud! And puff out your chest!”

Chihaya tried. “This is stupid.”

Azusa clicked her tongue. “That won’t work…” She walked over and moved Chihaya’s other arm to her side, then moved it inwards just a little so it shoved her breast into the middle of her chest. Chihaya squirmed.

“Can I be done now?” she asked.

“Perfect!” Azusa exclaimed. “Chihaya-chan, you look so cute!” She picked up a camera and lifted it to her face. “Now hold that pose…and smile!”

Chihaya tried.  
“…no wait, don’t smile. Just look natural! …there you go, you’ve got it!” Azusa began to snap pictures.

Chihaya sighed. “I feel…abused.”

 

Haruka continued to ride her dolphin. “I FOUND A SEA CUCUMBER, YOU GUYS! LOOK!”

Miki suddenly appeared next to her in the form of a mermaid. “Haruka! Haruka, look! Miki found the lost city of Atlantis and the people were so grateful to Miki that they made her their queen! And a mermaid!”

“Miki-chan, you’re not wearing a shirt,” Haruka observed.

Miki giggled. “Miki knows! Now all the mermen can look at Miki’s big boobs all they want!”

“Miki-chan, that’s…why?”

 

Mami rose to her feet. “…Ami.”

Ami whirled to face her. She gasped and her eyes narrowed. “You…”

“That’s right.” Mami tilted her chin and frowned. “Mami is back.”

“But…how?” Ami muttered. “Ami thought she killed you…”

“You thought wrong!” Mami lashed, bending and scooping up a handful of sand. “Now Mami takes her revenge! Now Mami proves to her little sister that she can be strong! Because…” She broke off and started to cry. “Because…Ami has never thought Mami could do anything right! You always hated Mami! Why…? Mami loves you so much!”

Ami’s eyes softened and she stepped closer, touching Mami’s cheek gently. “You know Ami never meant to hurt you.”

“No!” Mami cried, slapping her hand away and scurrying backwards. “You don’t care about Mami! Just admit it!”

“Ami’s sorry,” Ami murmured. “Mami…Ami is so sorry. Please, put the sand down. We can settle this at home…”

“None of that matters now,” Mami sniffed. “None of that…we can’t keep doing this, Ami. It’s time to face each other. It’s time to end this once and for all.”

Ami’s eyes narrowed again and she scooped up a handful of sand. “You know Ami is the stronger sister. You can not beat her.”

“That’s what you think!”

Mami threw her sand at Ami, who dodged it. She retaliated with her own handful of sand. Mami was struck. She screamed and stumbled.

Ami smirked. “You know you cannot win…”

Mami looked over at her, eyes frightened and shining with tears.

 

“Yukiho. Yukiho. Yukiho. Yukiho. Yukiho? Yukiho! YUKIHO!”

“WHAT?!”

“I found a crab.”

“G-GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME BEFORE IT PINCHES MY FACE OFF…! …Please.”

“OK. Random kid. Random kid. Random kid. Random kid. Random kid? Random kid! RANDOM KID!”

“WHAT?!”

“I found a crab.”

“…Mine!”

“NO! GIVE IT BACK, YOU BULLY!”

 

“Six! Yeah, I got six!” Hibiki laughed. “Ya can’t beat me, Takane!”

Takane dipped her head. “I admit defeat.”

“Ha!” Hibiki scoffed. She put her hands on her hips proudly. “Now ya know not to mess with Hibiki the Super Okinawan!”

“Hibiki, you are a superhero?”

“You’re darn right I am.”

 

Yayoi whimpered. “Iori-chan…what do we do?”

Iori took a deep breath. “I’m going to pick it up. Right now.”

“No, Iori-chan!” Yayoi sobbed. “You can’t! You’ll get hurt!”

Iori set her face into a hard frown. “It’s for a good cause, Takatsuki Yayoi-chan. Now…don’t move,” she ordered. She leaned down very slowly and picked up the can. “I got it! It must be asleep…!”

“Go, Iori-chan!” Yayoi whispered. Iori grinned triumphantly and threw the can in the recycling bin. Yayoi blinked. “Eh…? But, Iori-chan…weren’t you going to give it to that store that accepts cans and bottles and gives you money?”

“What are you talking about? There aren’t any stores like that in Japan!” Iori laughed. “Nihihi! Let’s go brag!”

“U-uun! OK, Iori-chan!”

 

“Can I _please_ be done,” Chihaya half-whined. “I just want to find the lost city of Atlantis so they can turn me into a siren!”

Azusa snapped one more picture. “Chihaya-chan, when you smoosh your breasts together like that, it makes them appear larger. See?” She showed her model the picture.

Chihaya observed it. “…you are right,” she murmured. “…huh. What do you know. Well, I must go order Miki to show me Atlantis. Goodbye.”

“Have fun singing half-naked, Chihaya-chan~”

 

Mami rolled out of the way and jumped to her feet, panting. “Mami…Mami isn’t done yet!” she cried. “Mami will defeat you!”

Ami chuckled darkly and shook her head. “You don’t know when to give up, do you?”

Mami gulped and met her gaze evenly.

Ami nodded and frowned. “Very well, then. Ami will have to unleash her full power after all.”

Mami nodded back. “Mami too.”

“Special Sandy Ultra Uber Super Mega Amazing Meta Ninja Magic Extreme Ultimate Cool Awesome I’m Running Out Of Words Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Move!” both twins shouted at once.

“Sandcastle Mayhem!” Ami yelled. She constructed a giant sand castle in under thirty-nine seconds.

“Yukipyon’s Hole-Digging Skills!” Mami yelled back. Yukiho suddenly appeared next to her and dug a bunch of holes.

“Go!”

“GO!”

Ami knocked her sandcastle down, hoping to trap Mami, but Mami hid in one of Yukiho’s holes far away. Ami cursed herself for missing.

Mami suddenly jumped out of the hole and ran towards Ami with a cry. Ami gasped. Mami shoved her into one of Yukiho’s holes. Ami screamed and landed with a _thud_. She looked pleadingly up at Mami, who was then joined by Yukiho. The latter began to bury Ami alive under the sand.

Ami coughed. “Mami…Mami, Ami has always loved you…you are so strong, and Ami…Ami just got jealous, that’s all! Please let Ami out!” she begged. “Ami is so sorry! She’s sorry! Mami…!”

Mami stared at her.

“ _It’s too late to ‘pologize! It’s too late!_

_I said it’s too late to ‘pologize! It’s too late!_

_Whoaaa~!_ ”

Ami looked over at Yukiho. “Who wrote this junk…?”

 

Ritsuko stretched. “Well, I think it’s time to go,” she sighed, smiling. “Look at this. I look like a person with a really dark tan.”

“You ARE,” Producer told her.

“I know. Now, gather up the girls. It’s time to go home,” Ritsuko announced.

“Ritsuko-san. Ritsuko-san. Ritsuko-san. Ritsuko-san. Ritsuko-san? Ritsuko-san! RITSUKO-SAN!”

“WHAT?!” Ritsuko screamed, whirling on Makoto.

Makoto grinned and held out her crab. “I got my crab back from the bully.”

“Cool.”

“Can I keep it?”

“I don’t care.”

“I think I’m gonna name it Eugene.”

“….what?”

“Eugene Krabs.”

“…Makoto, get in the car.”

“OK~. Come on, Eugene!”

The rest of the girls slowly filed into the car. Ritsuko observed them.

“Are we missing anyone?” she asked.

“No!” the girls answered.

Ritsuko nodded. “OK. Let’s go!”

They drove away. When they were about halfway home, Yukiho suddenly let out a loud squeak. “Oh my gosh…”

“What?!” Ritsuko snapped.

“Is there something wrong with Eugene?!” Makoto gasped.

Yukiho shook her head. “We left Ami-chan buried in the sand…”

Mami looked away.

“…bah, we’ll get her tomorrow,” Ritsuko decided.

“Mr. Krabs likes money,” Makoto declared. “That’s my crab’s name.”

“I thought it was Eugene,” Yukiho squeaked.

“Mr. Eugene Krabs.”

Yukiho nodded.

“…I have a crab~”

“SHUT UP!”

“I’m SORRY!”

 

Ami, back at the beach, sighed. “Ami is gonna be here a while, isn’t she?” she muttered to herself. “Luckily for Ami, Ami can breathe under sand. Heh. Suckers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This thing carries MANY references to assorted things. If you can get those references (some are more blatant than others), you win a free virtual cookie and a magical virtual hug. :3


	3. New Year's Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Done on request from a guest author from FF.net. I had way too much fun with it.
> 
> MakoRyo is best pairing. Unfortunately, I didn't get to write them here.

 

**New Year’s Kiss**

 

“So, why the heck are we here again?” Touma sighed.

“‘Cause~, that 765 Pro’s Nii-chan invited us so I thought it’d be fun,” Shouta answered. “He said they have this new game planned and everything~”

“Games are stupid,” Touma muttered.

“Games are fun!” Shouta countered.

“Boys, boys! Calm down!” Hokuto laughed. “Why, I think it’ll be a wonderful opportunity to see some beautiful faces we haven’t seen in a while. Touma-kun, I just _know_ you’ve been missing some of them.” He winked.

Touma blushed. “I…why the heck would I miss any of those guys?” he snapped. “Forget it. Let’s just get this over with.”

Shouta nodded and threw open the door to the 765 Productions agency. He stepped inside, waited for the others to follow, and then ran up the stairs. “Hey guys! We made it! What game are we playing, huh~?”

Producer turned and smiled. “Oh, hey guys. Welcome.”

“Why the heck did we invite these guys?” Hibiki practically hissed.

“Because they’re no longer a part of 961, I know them, and we’re low on boys for our game.”

“Oh yeah…”

“We have Sora,” Makoto announced. “Sora could just kiss all of us because he’s hot.”

“NO,” Sora said immediately. “And…wait a second, since when was I here?”

“And why am I here with him?” Jasper asked, appearing out of nowhere as was typical for Jasper.

“Because. We. Were. Low. On Boys,” Producer repeated. “With the addition of Shouta, Hokuto, and Touma…”

“Why was I named last?” Touma muttered to himself.

“…we have a grand total of…seven boys. And thirteen girls. …wow.”

“We could invite Ryo,” Ritsuko suggested. “He’s a boy. Not a manly boy, but I think he could work for Makoto.”

“Yeah, I like Ryo…wait, what are you suggesting by that?!”

“That…you look like a boy, kid.”

“I…I know…”

Producer pondered things. “Hm…that would bring our total to eight,” he declared. “…Ah, what the heck. Ritsuko, call up that cousin of yours and get him over here.”

Ritsuko nodded and took out her cell-phone.

“Any other ideas?”

“Ami knows a sexy beast by the name of Isou who could come be all lovely with Ami,” Ami informed them. “So Ami will call him.”

“Mami knows a sexy beast by the name of…um…Mami forgot,” Mami laughed. “Mami will share with Ami.”

“ISOU IS AMI’S ALOOONE!”

“…Mami will get someone else.”

Kenchi raised his hand slowly. “I have an older brother,” he said slowly.

“Great! Bring him here!”

Kenchi shook his head. “No, you don’t understand. There’s…there’s something horribly wrong with him…”

Producer blinked. “Well, we can’t have nine boys in a room full of thirteen girls and expect things to be fine,” he sighed.

Makoto raised her hand. “You guys. Check it out.”

“What?”

“Hokuto, you like me, right?”

Hokuto winked. “But of course.”

“And you said me and Ryo would make a nice couple, right, Ritsuko-san?”

Ritsuko shrugged. “I suppose. Oh…not you, Ryo! Definitely! Get over here now…yeah, I guess I can pick you up…” She lowered her cell-phone. “By the way, it’s only twelve girls. I’m not playing.”

Makoto looked over at Kenchi. “Do you love me?” she asked.

“No.”

Makoto let out a loud cry.

“That’s an understatement. A sad, sad understatement.”

“You are just the sweetest!” Makoto squealed. “OK, guys! Look at this! I HAVE AN ALL-MALE HAREM!”

The idols were silent.

“There’s only three of them,” Iori pointed out.

“That’s more than can be said for any of you,” Makoto snapped. “So HA!”

More silence.

“…by George she’s right!” Iori gasped. “I only have one cannon male who people even consider pairing me with…well, I do have Tooru but he makes two and…oh hey, I can call Tooru. Just a moment.” She took out her cell-phone.

Makoto grinned triumphantly. “And two of them are cannon too,” she laughed triumphantly. “So there. More boys like me than you people because Namco felt bad about making me look like a boy.”

“Would you please stop referencing the fact that you actually belong to a video game?” Sora begged. “I don’t even understand!”

“Will you _please_ explain this game to me?!” Touma yelled.

There was more silence.

“Well, you see,” Producer began, “all the boys sit in one circle and the girls in another, and you each select one person to play each round, and then whoever the two selected players are have to kiss.” He paused. “We’ve considered…making it a kind of competition. The ones who kiss the longest win. But I guess…wait, no, we’re definitely doing it that way.”

“Are you sure you want to play, Producer-san?” Chihaya asked. She gestured to Miki, who was staring at him excitedly. Producer looked around at his idols, most of which seemed to be desperately longing to kiss him, and then shook his head slowly.

“Yeah, on second thought, we only have…nine boys counting Tooru.”

Iori waved. “Yes, yes, get over here…I suppose you might be able to kiss me…well, that depends! Now get over here!” she shouted into her cell-phone.

“So…it’s a kissing game,” Touma stated.

“I like this game,” Hokuto decided.

“Games are games, whether they’re weird games or cool games,” Shouta murmured. “I like it~.”

“One more thing,” Producer called. “If you don’t kiss the person you were paired with because you find them gross or you’re scared of being killed…like, if Haruka got Isou.”

Ami glared at Haruka, who squirmed.

“Then, you would both be disqualified. And you just keep going until someone wins.”

Everyone started discussing these things amongst themselves.

“And now, we wait for the others.”

“Producer-san, we still need…three more boys,” Haruka whined. “Who else could we possibly use?”

“Honey!” Miki cheered.

“No,” Producer replied.

“Aw, but Miki wants to kiss Honey…”

“No.”

“Honey is mean!”

Producer sighed and rested his face in his hand. “We’ll just have to re-use some boys,” he mused. “That’s the only way. Now let’s wait for the others.”

The idols waited for the other three boys to arrive before sending them the circle. Producer explained how to play again, glanced at the clock, and nodded.

“OK! It’s 11:30 PM right now, so we have half an hour before New Year’s . Let’s try to hurry this along!”

“Could one of the couples just make out until midnight?” Tooru asked.

Iori slapped him.

“I didn’t mean us! I just said ‘one of the couples’!”

“You’re stupid!”

“Yes,” Producer responded. “If you want to.”

Hokuto, Sora, and Kenchi all smiled.

“Can I just go home?” Jasper moaned. “Because we all know I’m not kissing these people.”

“Just…yeah, just go home…”

“Bye.”

“Bye Jasper!” everyone exclaimed.

“OK! We’re finally ready!” Producer laughed. “Go!”

 

“So who goes first?” Touma questioned.

Hokuto shrugged. “I don’t know. What’s our strategy? Send out the guys who would kiss anyone first, or wait until we know for sure who the last girls will be and then send said guy out?”

“Who needs strategy?” Shouta laughed. “I’ll go first, if no one else wants to~!”

Sora shrugged. “Well, the only girl I want to kiss is Ohime-chan, so…should we just wait until the girls pick someone and then pick at the last second, but make it looked like we’ve been planning that all along?”

The boys nodded decisively. That was their strategy.

 

“OK! So! We have to pick a girl to go kiss some dudes!” Makoto explained. “Who wants to go first?”

“Um…well, I suppose it should be a girl who would be OK with kissing anyone,” Haruka pondered. “Right?”

Everyone looked at Mami. Mami grinned.

 

“It’s Mami-chan!” Shouta hissed. “Who wants to kiss Mami-chan?”

Everyone looked at him.

“…OK~, I guess I’ll go~. Bye guys.”

 

“Who is Mami’s partner-kissy-boyfriend-man?” Mami called

“That would be me,” Shouta replied. “Hi, Mami-chan. How are you?”

“Wonderful, darling,” Mami answered. “Now let us make out until midnight!”

“I really don’t want to—”

Shouta was cut off when Mami randomly flung herself at him and kissed him. He stumbled a bit but managed to keep his balance. After a moment, he shrugged and kissed her back. The two of them stayed that way until Shouta decided that he was done and somehow managed to pry Mami off of him. Mami smiled stupidly and went to go sit back down.

Shouta blinked. “So how did we do~?”

Producer looked down at a stop watch. “One whole minute. Eh, not too shabby, guys.”

Satisfied, Shouta sat down.

“OK~! Who’s next?”

 

“Who is our next girl?” Iori whispered. “I think we should let the boys choose, and then send someone out to him.”

“Good plan, Iori-chan!” Azusa piped. “Let’s watch and see who they choose!”

 

“So now what?” Sora wondered aloud.

“Your turn,” Shouta told him, nudging the older boy with his elbow.

Sora looked over at the circle of girls. “…if they send out Makoto, I’m going to run away screaming.” He took a deep breath and stood. “Wish me luck.”

“You had better run away screaming if they send out Makoto-chan,” Kenchi said somewhat darkly. “She’s mine. Keep off.”

“It’s not fair to hog her all to yourself,” Hokuto complained. “Of course, I could always just take Azusa or any of the other beautiful ladies, but Makoto-chan is awfully cute.”

“Shut up!” Kenchi snapped. “I’m the only boy who’s allowed to think she’s cute! Anyone else who calls her cute has to be a girl so I can be the special one!”

“…what?”

“I LOVE HER.”

“…OK…?”

 

 

“It’s Sora!” Makoto told the other girls. “So it’s me or Yukiho. Take a vote, you guys.”

Instead of answering, all the rest of the girls shoved Yukiho over to Sora.

Makoto blinked. “…Yeah, OK, go ahead and just shove Yukiho over there. It’s not like I wanted to try kissing a hot guy or anything.”

 

“H-hello, Sora-kun,” Yukiho squeaked.

Sora smiled kindly. “Hi, Ohime-chan. I was hoping they’d choose you.”

“Y-yes, they decided on me when they saw it was you…”

“Really? That’s what us dudes did last time.”

“Oh, that’s a nice strategy…”

“Wanna make out until midnight?”

“…WHAT?!”

“I’M KIDDING! I WAS JUST KIDDING! I’M SORRY!”

Yukiho sniffed and nodded slowly. “O-OK. L-let’s get started.”

Sora smiled at her. “Sorry, Ohime-chan. I didn’t mean to scare you. OK, we’ll only go until you want to stop,” he promised.

Yukiho smiled. “OK. Here I come…!”

Slowly, the two leaned forwards and kissed each other. Sora slid his arms around Yukiho’s waist and Yukiho moved hers around his neck. The two stayed that way until Yukiho squeaked loudly and Sora instantly pulled away.

“Are you OK?” he murmured softly, running his fingers through her hair.

Yukiho smiled and nodded. “Yes…a-actually, th-that felt kind of…nice.” She smiled wider. Sora grinned.

“Good. I wouldn’t want you being scared,” he said lightly. “…Well, bye.”

“G-goodbye…”

 

“Who’s next?”

Hokuto flung his hand up.

“OK! Hokuto-kun it is!”

 

“I don’t know who to send out next,” Haruka admitted. “Hm…let’s just pick someone randomly, OK? Someone who’s name has the letter…‘i’ in it!”

Chihaya blinked. “Haruka, all of our names have an ‘i’ in it somewhere,” she reminded her friend.

Haruka blinked back. “Oh yeah…then, an ‘o’!”

The girls thought.

“That would be,” Takane began, “Iori, Makoto, Miki, myself, Yayoi, and Yukiho.”

“OK, of those mentioned, who does not want to go?” Haruka called.

Yayoi, Yukiho, and Iori raised their hands.

“That leaves Miki-chan, Takane-chan, and Makoto-chan, right?”

Takane nodded. “Who is the boy they have sent out?”

Haruka shook her head. “No, no! You guys! We are not going to cheat this time! OK…how about, we’ll send Makoto-chan since she’s the only one of the three who still wants to go with an ‘o’ in her first name?” she suggested.

“OK,” Makoto agreed. “Let’s just hope it isn’t someone stupid…” She looked over at the boy chosen, who was waiting.

It was Hokuto.

“…oh, crap.”

 

Hokuto watched Makoto slowly stand from the girls’ side and approach him. He smiled. Of course, the Idol Prince would have been fine kissing almost any girl, but this just so happened to be a special treat for him. He would give her the greatest kiss of her life, and she would be forced to love him.

Genius.

Makoto paused in front of him, an indifferent look on her face. “Alright. I have some things to say, and if you interrupt me, my knee goes into your groin. Understand?”

Hokuto blinked. “Um…r-right.”

“Firstly, if I kiss you, it is only, _only_ because I’m competitive and I don’t want to be disqualified! It is not in any way romantic because I have no feelings for you at all. Got it?”

Hokuto nodded.

“Secondly, I hope you understand that Kenchi is going to kill you if you kiss me.”

Hokuto looked over at Kenchi, who looked like he was about to run over there and rip Hokuto’s head off. He gulped and looked back at Makoto, then nodded.

_Crap. I forgot about that kid._

“And thirdly, if you do anything, and I mean _anything_ , to me that isn’t kissing me, I will kill you. And not like, cut off your head kill you or shoot your brain kill you. I mean like, strap you to a bed and rip out your insides and then pull off your limbs and leave you there to bleed out kill you.”

Hokuto asked himself why he had to think such a terrifying girl was so charming. Then he reminded himself that the fact that she was so terrifying was part of what _made_ her so charming. He nodded.

Makoto smiled. “Good. Now, like I said, I am extremely competitive and I’ll admit, you are attractive, so I’ll kiss you. But don’t expect anything more, OK?”

“Right.”

She took a step closer. “Now, if you get your tongue on my lips I’m going to eat your face.”

Hokuto nodded slowly. “Of course.”

“Alright. Since you understand…” Makoto blushed slightly. “L-let’s just get this over with…”

Hokuto smiled. “Anything for you, princess.”

“D-don’t make fun of me…!”

“I wasn’t.” Slowly, Hokuto leaned in to her face and pressed his lips against hers. Makoto struggled for a moment and then remembered that this was a game, and that Hokuto was well aware that if he tried anything weird he would die, and that he was awfully hot anyways, so she let herself relax, although she was careful not to kiss him back.

Yukiho and Haruka “aw’d” in the background while Kenchi tried not to throw something at Hokuto, preferably something sharp and pointy that could kill. Producer watched until Makoto stomped hard on Hokuto’s foot and he yanked back. Then Producer stopped the stopwatch, Makoto stalked back to the girls’ circle, and Hokuto limped over to the boys again. He smirked.

“…she wants me.”

 

“Congratulations, Hokuto-kun,” Shouta praised. “I think…Touma-kun should go next.”

“Hokuto-san.”

Hokuto looked over at Kenchi. “Yes?”

“…I am going to kill you.”

“…Right, I forgot about that. Could you kill me once the game is over? There are a few more ladies I have to kiss.”

Isou raised his hand. “Could you take Ami for me? She scares me…so, so much.”

“Then why are you here?” Touma asked.

“…I have…wait, no, I just…I really don’t have any idea,” Isou sighed. “Well anyway, bro, it’s your turn.”

Touma rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, whatever…”

 

“This time, your name needs to have a…‘k’ in it!” Haruka decided. “Let’s see, that’s…me, Chihaya-chan, Hibiki-chan, Makoto-chan, Miki-chan, Takane-chan, Yayoi-chan, and Yukiho-chan. Who does not want to go?”

Yukiho, Chihaya and Yayoi raised their hands.

Haruka nodded. “Makoto-chan, you just went so you can’t go again. Hm…to narrow things down, now you need a ‘k’ and a ‘m’!”

“That’s Miki, Haruka, and…that’s it,” Miki announced. “Who goes first? Haruka or Miki?”

“I’ll do it,” Haruka agreed. “OK, guys! Wish me luck!”

“Good luck, Haruka~nano.”

 

Haruka bounced into the center of the room. “OK, I’m ready!”

Touma looked at her. “Oh, come on…her again?” He groaned. “Alright, fine, I’ll go. Tch.”

Haruka watched as Touma stood, slowly and reluctantly, and walked over to her. She smiled. “Hi, Touma-kun! OK, so, I’ll be sure not to be weird, so you had better not be weird either. We just need a quick kiss,” she explained.

“Whatever,” Touma grunted. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Haruka beamed and kissed him quickly. Touma blushed and forced himself to kiss her back. The two only stayed like that for a moment before Touma stepped back and Haruka leaned away, smiling.

“OK, thanks, Touma-kun!” she cheered. “Bye!”

Touma grunted and walked back to his group, still blushing. Shouta grinned cheekily and nudged him with his elbow.

“Touma-kun~, you so like her~,” he squealed.

“Sh-shut up!”

 

“OK! So, who’s next?” Shouta asked.

Tooru stood up immediately and walked to the center.

Shouta blinked. “Go, Tooru-kun~!”

 

“Iori-chan! I choose YOU!”

“This isn’t Pokemon, you idiot!”

 

Tooru watched excitedly while Iori walked over to the center of the room. She blushed.

“If you do ANYTHING I do not appreciate, you will die,” she droned.

“Yeah, OK, cool, whatever.” Tooru threw his arms around her and kissed her. Iori struggled and made irritated noises. Then, eventually, she stomped on Tooru’s foot and he retreated.

“…I am so sorry.”

“Stupid!”

“Ouch! I love you, OK?! Leave me alone~!”

 

“I vote…Ryo-kun, you’re the only one who hasn’t gone yet, aren’t you?” Shouta pondered.

“Huh?” Ryo blinked. “Ah, I forgot I was even playing…Isou-san hasn’t gone yet, I don’t think.”

“I don’t want to go,” Isou admitted. “Wait…on second thought, if I go and it’s a girl I don’t like and I don’t kiss her, I’ll be out and I won’t have to kiss Ami. I’ll go next.”

 

“Ohime-chin, Ami chooses YOU!”

“Is this not simply a New Year’s party? I do not appreciate being referred to as though I am some sort of animal.”

“Pokemon, Ohime-chin. Get it right.”

 

Isou and Takane stood at the same time, took one look at each other, and went to get some punch.

 

“Now it’s your turn, Ryo-kun~”

“But, Kentaro-san hasn’t gone yet either…”

“Hey, that’s weird…both of the remaining dudes are for Makoto-chan…”

“STAY AWAY FROM HER, KID!”

“Y-yes, of course…! I-I’m sorry!”

 

“I think it should be Chihaya-chan’s turn.”

“...”

 

Chihaya stood up and looked around for the boy she was apparently supposed to kiss.

The boys were sent into a flurry and immediately shoved Ryo into the center. The young boy took one look at Chihaya, bowed, and went to get some punch. Chihaya followed him.

 

“NOW it’s your turn, Kenchi-kun~”

“It had better be Makoto-chan. I am determined to beat the current record. Hey, what is the current record anyways?”

“I dunno.”

“…eh.”

 

“We could always send out Ami-chan, I guess…”

“Who else has to go?”

“Ami-chan, Azusa-san, Hibiki-chan, Miki-chan, and Yayoi-chan.”

“I vote…me.”

“Eh…?! But, Makoto-chan, you already went!”

“The boys chose Kenchi.”

“…have fun.”

 

Kenchi stood, ran to the girls’ side, picked Makoto up over his shoulder, and ran to the center. Then he dropped her on the ground and crawled over her. Makoto screeched in annoyance, but she was cut off by Kenchi, who then began to make out with her.

Producer watched, amused. The idols watched the minutes on the clock tick away until finally, after about eight minutes, Makoto shoved Kenchi off of her and sat up. Kenchi stood, panting.

“…That was the greatest eight minutes of my life.”

“…Kenchi, get out of here.”

 

“OK!” Shouta cheered. “And with that, we can start to reuse some boys. I’ll go next if you want.”

“Sure,” the others agreed.

Shouta grinned, stood, and walked out to the center. He was soon joined by Yayoi.

 

“U-uun~! Hi, Shouta-kun~!” Yayoi cheered. “So, do we have to kiss now or something?”

“Yep,” Shouta announced. “So…you ready?”

“Are we…going to try to beat the record…?”

“Yayoi-chan, I don’t think _anyone_ can beat their record.”

Yayoi shrugged. “Well, either way is fine by me, I guess,” she admitted. She stood on her toes and puckered her lips. “I’m ready.”

“‘Kay~” Shouta leaned down and met her lips. Iori smiled slightly and a few people “aw’d”, including Hibiki, Haruka, and Azusa. Then the two separated, Yayoi blushed slightly and smiled, and they returned to their respective areas.

 

“Next?”

Hokuto stood and walked to the center.

“…Alright~”

 

Haruka looked over at Hokuto in the center of the room. “It’s Hokuto-san. Azusa-san, it’s your turn,” she said.

Azusa blinked and stood. “Well, I guess it couldn’t hurt, right~?”

“Of course not.”

“Azusa-san,” Makoto began, “if he harasses you, please hire me to kill him.”

“Will do, Makoto-chan~”

 

Hokuto smiled. This was just the greatest luck of his life. Not only had he gotten an opportunity to kiss Makoto, but now he had an opportunity to woo Azusa as well. The slightly-older woman walked over to the center of the room and stood still.

“Please do not harass me,” she trilled. “Otherwise, I will have to hire Makoto-chan to kill you.”

Hokuto peeked over at Makoto. She glared at him and cracked her knuckles. He nodded slowly.

“Right. Don’t worry, my only intention is to kiss you~. I promise~”

“I suppose I can trust you…alright, then. Let’s go~”

Happily, Hokuto took a step closer and kissed her, careful not to do anything that could possibly come across as harassment, however much he may have wanted to. After a few moments, Azusa stepped back and ended the kiss, then bowed slightly, waved “goodbye”, and retreated to her circle. Hokuto grinned and returned to the rest of the boys.

“Score.”

 

“Alright, now, four more! Who’s next?” Tooru questioned.

“Hm…I guess I’ll go,” Sora said, shrugging. “And if they send out someone other than Ohime-chan again, I’ll just be out.”

He stood.

So did Ami.

He walked away.

So did Ami.

Tooru blinked. “Touma, you’re up next.”

 

Haruka picked Miki up and dragged her to the center of the room. “She fell asleep,” she informed Touma. “If you kick her in the side, she might wake up.”

Touma kicked Miki in the side. She yawned and rolled over. He blinked.

“Does she wake up to anything?” he sighed.

“Maybe if you kiss her, she’ll wake up,” Haruka suggested.

“Ew…”

“Miki is AWAKE~! You can resume your happy lives now,” Miki called, sitting up. “Hi, Touma-kun. Is Miki kissing you?” She stood up.

Touma blushed. “I guess,” he muttered.

“Let’s beat the record~nano!”

“W-what?! N-no…!”

Miki just flung her arms around his neck and began to make out with him. Kenchi and Makoto frowned and tried to keep from killing them for trying to beat their record.

After about two minutes, Touma began to struggle. Miki kept a tight hold around his neck, preventing him from retreating.

When four minutes had passed, Touma tried to forcibly shove Miki off. It didn’t work.

Finally, after approximately seven minutes, Touma managed to pry Miki off and she stumbled backwards. She giggled.

“That was fun,” she decided.

“N-not for me it wasn’t, stupid…”

“Touma-kun is blushing, so obviously he enjoyed it a bit too~”

“Sh-shut up!”

 

“Last couple?”

Tooru stood.

Hibiki stood.

Tooru and Hibiki got punch together.

 

Producer clapped and had all the couples sit down. “OK, I’m going to read off the couples and the times and figure out who won!” he announced.

Some people cheered. The rest were silent.

“Alright…Shouta and Mami, 1:35.”

Shouta nodded slowly in approval.

“We could have done better,” Mami muttered.

“Sora and Yukiho, 26 seconds.”

Sora shrugged and looked over at Yukiho, who smiled.

“But you two are disqualified since Ami disqualified Sora.”

Sora shrugged again. “It was still fun…”

“W-what?”

“Nothing.”

“Hokuto and Makoto, 31 seconds.”

Hokuto grinned approvingly. Makoto blushed and crossed her arms.

“Touma and Haruka, 14 seconds.”

Touma squirmed. Haruka smiled.

“Tooru and Iori, 15 seconds.”

“YEAH!” Tooru cheered. “That’s like a whole 7 seconds better than last time!”

Iori blushed and sniffed indignantly.

“…but unfortunately for them, Tooru was disqualified because of Hibiki, so you two don’t qualify.”

“I don’t care! I got to kiss the girl I love!”

“Isou and Takane, you two are disqualified.”

Isou nodded. Takane lifted her chin.

“Chihaya and Ryo, you too.”

Ryo looked down. Chihaya looked away.

“Kenchi and Makoto, 8:25.”

Kenchi grinned triumphantly and looked over at Makoto, who blushed harder and looked away.

“Shouta and Yayoi, 12 seconds.”

Shouta nodded again. Yayoi smiled.

“Hokuto and Azusa, 59 seconds.”

“Dangit,” Hokuto muttered. “We almost got to one whole minute…”

Azusa just smiled.

“Sora and Ami were disqualified.”

Ami frowned and Sora nodded.

“Touma and Miki…”

The couple waited.

“…7:52.”

“No!” Miki whined. “Darn you, Makoto-kun! You beat Miki’s record.”

“That was…exhausting,” Touma muttered. “Stupid girl…”

“You liked it~”

“I…well, I mean…m-maybe a tiny, little, miniscule bit.”

“Teehee~”

“And Tooru and Hibiki were disqualified.”

Tooru shrugged and nodded. Hibiki grinned and leaned left and right.

“So I will now announce the rankings! In last place, Shouta and Yayoi! In sixth place, Touma and Haruka! In fifth place was Hokuto and Makoto! Fourth place is Hokuto and Azusa! Third place, Shouta and Mami, second place Touma and Miki, and first place Kenchi and Makoto. Congratulations!”

The idols cheered.

“Alright now, everyone go home.” Producer looked at the clock. “And…happy new year, even though it isn’t quite new year yet.”

“Mkay, bye Producer!”

“Bye, Hibiki. And everyone else.”

“Bye!”

 


	4. Chihaya's Crush

 

**Chihaya’s Crush**

 

Spiky silver hair.

Narrow blue eyes.

Pale skin.

And a stupid grin that said, “Hey world! I’m a loser!”

Such are the physical traits of Madara.

Chihaya had never thought of Madara as a loser. He was kind to her, at least. He was an awkward kid; but, then again, so was Chihaya. Perhaps her social-awkwardness was what made her like him so much. But it was that same social-awkwardness which kept her from admitting her feelings.

Everyone who saw the two interact could easily see Madara liked Chihaya a lot. Everyone, that is, but Chihaya herself, it seemed. And Chihaya had told Haruka multiple times that she thought the boy was kind and cute. That she had feelings for him.

So, naturally, Haruka created the elite team of Love Doctors, a group consisting of Haruka herself, Miki, Takane, and Makoto (chosen purely because she begged). The team had one goal and one goal only—to help Chihaya overcome her fear and tell Madara she cared.

“First things first, Chihaya-chan,” Haruka barked. “You have to learn how to talk to boys!”

“I already know how,” Chihaya muttered.

“Then prove it!” Haruka ordered. She dragged Takane over to stand in front of Chihaya. “Now, I want you to pretend Takane-chan is Madara-kun. Talk to her.”

Chihaya blinked. “…Hello…?”

“Greetings. You are looking beautiful today, as usual,” Takane answered, in a way she figured Madara would.

Chihaya blinked again. “…I…like singing.”

“Wrong!” Haruka snapped. “Ask him how his day was! Boys like to be acknowledged with more than just a hello. Talk to him about things he likes, and then bring up a topic you enjoy, and once the two of you have been talking for a while, tell him you like him!”

Chihaya frowned. “It’s awkward…when it’s Shijou-san.”

Haruka considered this. “Then use Makoto-chan.”

“Wait, why me?”

“You ARE the Prince of the agency.”

“Well, yeah, but…”

Before the boyish girl could protest anymore, Haruka pulled her into the middle of the room in front of Chihaya and ushered Takane away.

“There!” she cheered. “Now, pretend Makoto-chan is Madara. Makoto-chan, pretend to be Madara.”

“Makoto-kun makes a good boy, right?” Miki piped.

Chihaya stared. “…I suppose…?”

“Dang you, Chihaya.”

“Sorry…?”

“Now, commence!” Haruka ordered.

Makoto sighed and smiled. “Hey, Chihaya-chan~”

“Please do not call me Chihaya-chan.”

“WRONG!”

Chihaya groaned in annoyance. “Can I please go?”

“No! You will learn how to confess to Madara-kun!” Haruka demanded. “Try again!”

Chihaya sighed. “Fine.” She looked over at Makoto, who smiled stupidly. Somehow it made her seem very Madara-like. Chihaya couldn’t help but smile a bit.

“Hello,” she greeted.

“Hi, Chihaya-chan~”

“…I…like to sing.”

“I like YOU.”

“…I…like you too…?”

“You do?”

“…Yes.”

“Oh…thanks. I’m gonna go celebrate in a corner now~”

“…OK…?”

Haruka applauded while Makoto walked away to a corner. “Wow, you make a really good Madara-kun,” she told Makoto, who shrugged.

“It’s not that hard,” she admitted.

“Chihaya-chan! That was significantly better, even though Makoto-chan ended up doing most of the work! Remember, ask ‘how are you’ and ‘how is your day’ and ‘do you have any plans’ and stuff like that!” Haruka coached. “And then you can talk about yourself. Then, at a time when it seems natural, confess your feelings!”

“Could I get an example?” Chihaya asked.

Haruka shrugged. “Sure! I’ll show you. Makoto-chan, can you pretend to be Touma-kun?”

Makoto blinked. “I guess so.”

“I’m going to show you how I would go about confessing to Touma-kun,” Haruka told Chihaya, who nodded. “OK! Go!” She skipped happily to the middle of the room, where Makoto stood waiting, her arms crossed.

Haruka tripped and fell on the floor. Makoto stared at her and did nothing. Haruka stood on her own.

“Hi, Touma-kun~!” she squeaked.

“Yeah, whatever. Hey,” Makoto responded.

“How was your day?”

“Why do you care?”

“Because, I like making sure everyone has a happy day. If you’re feeling bad, Touma-kun, you should tell me so I can cheer you up. That’s what I do best, after all~”

Makoto blinked and shrugged. “I don’t need your help…”

“Well, how are you, anyways?”

“Fine.” Makoto blinked again and blushed slightly. “Um…you OK? That was quite a fall earlier.”

Haruka paused to remind herself that this was Makoto so she shouldn’t just passionately make out with her. “I’m fine,” she insisted. “It happens a lot~”

“You’re such a klutz, 765,” Makoto spat, in true Touma fashion.

“I know. Hey, can I talk to you?”

Makoto raised an eyebrow. “About…?”

“Oh, you know…it’s just something that’s been on my mind for a while…”

Chihaya leaned forwards a bit. This was the part where she would learn how to confess, right?

Makoto-Touma shrugged again. “Sure, whatever,” she muttered. “What’s up?”

“Well, there’s this guy I like…”

Makoto-Touma narrowed her eyes jealously.

“…but I’m afraid to tell him how I feel because I don’t think he likes me back. He’s a little rude but that’s part of what makes him so appealing.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Makoto-Touma lashed.

“Because…I want to know if that guy likes me,” Haruka answered. “You would know, huh?”

“No.”

“Sure you would. You know him, after all,” Haruka laughed.

“Who is this guy?” Makoto-Touma asked at last.

Haruka smiled kindly. Chihaya sat on the edge of her seat.

“Oh, well…it’s you,” Haruka said.

Makoto-Touma blinked and blushed slightly. “Wait, what?”

“I like you, Touma-kun,” Haruka elaborated, folding her hands behind her back.

Makoto-Touma uncrossed her arms and crossed them again. “Oh. That’s…OK. Yeah.”

“Do you like me too, Touma-kun?”

“…maybe.”

Haruka giggled and turned to Chihaya. “Did you get all that?”

Chihaya nodded.

Haruka turned back to Makoto. “Wow, you’re an amazing Touma-kun,” she praised. “I had to keep telling myself that if I made out with you it would be wrong.”

“I WOULD KILL YOU.”

“…OK.”

Chihaya jumped up. “I think I’m ready,” she decided. “I want to talk to Madara.”

Miki giggled. “That’s the spirit!” she yelped. “Chihaya, Miki has one more thing to say.”

“Yes?”

“This would work better if you had more sex appeal~.”

Later that day, Haruka and Miki led Madara to a small park bench and had him sit down.

“Why am I here?” he asked.

“Because we know someone who wants to talk to you,” Haruka answered. “She’ll be here soon.”

“She?” Madara echoed. “…is it my crazy Aunt Belma? Will you tell her I don’t want to move to Belgium with her?!”

“What? No…it isn’t.”

“Oh. OK—wait a second, I don’t even HAVE an Aunt Belma!” Madara laughed. “Oops…”

“Alright, Chihaya…”

Madara turned in the direction of the voice. Makoto, Takane, and Chihaya were approaching.

“…this is where you put everything you’ve learned into action. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.”

“But what if he doesn’t like me?” Chihaya hissed.

“Trust me, he likes you,” Makoto promised. “Now go!”

“We will be cheering you on, Kisaragi Chihaya,” Takane assured her.

Chihaya nodded and slowly walked over to Madara while the others hid behind a tree.

“…Hello.”

“Hi, Chihaya-chan~”

“Please do not—” Chihaya broke off. “Um…how are you?”

Madara blinked and grinned. “I’m great. What about you?”

“Fine,” Chihaya muttered. “How…was your day?”

“Great. Yours?”

“Fine…” Chihaya racked her brain for something else to say. “Um…what do you like?”

Madara blinked again. “You,” he replied. “I-I mean…I like…um…” He blushed.

Chihaya sighed. “Can I…talk to you?”

Madara frowned. “It’s about me being a loser, isn’t it? I know I’m a loser,” he mumbled.

“I don’t think you are a loser,” Chihaya mumbled back. “I…there is someone…whom I like.”

“Is it me?!” Madara gasped, jumping up.

Chihaya stumbled backwards, startled. “…actually, yes.”

“Good! Because I love you!”

“…thank you…?”

“Wanna make out?!”

“No.”

“…wanna go on a date?!”

“…sure…?”

Madara pumped his fist in the air. “Score!” he yelled. “OK let’s go!”

Before Chihaya could say another word, Madara grabbed her hand and ran away, dragging the blue-haired songstress behind him. Chihaya looked over at Haruka, bewildered. Haruka gave her a thumbs-up. Chihaya smiled slightly and waved at her before vanishing into a restaurant.

Makoto blinked. “…we should so spy on them.”

“NO!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another request from a guest author at FF.net. I quite liked it. Madara is an OC, property of my sister. Used with permission. I do not own anything in this one-shot except the way it was written.


	5. Yukiho's "First" Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "First" because this was originally an unpublished chapter of an unpublished book entitled "USE YOUR FISTS~!" I got so impatient about not being able to post it that I abandoned the idea of putting it in UYF and put it here instead.  
> Sora is my sister's OC, used with permission. Shin belongs to me. The iM@S characters do not.
> 
> A bit of background: Yukiho and Makoto first met Sora when going on a walk and got ice cream with him, but the line was so long that while Sora was getting their ice cream, Yukiho was visited by Shin, who didn't give her a chance to say a word before he decided she was going to his house to play ping-pong and kissed her cheek. This caused Yukiho to pass out, which caused Makoto to take her and head home, ice-cream-less. Sora has now finally gotten their ice cream, and has taken it upon himself to deliver it to them. Cue this chapter.

 

**Yukiho’s “First” Date**

 

“Ohime-chan! Makoto-san! I brought you some ice-cream!” The call rang throughout the offices of 765 Pro.

“Th-that sounds like Sora-kun...” Yukiho said quietly.

“So he finally got the ice-cream, huh? Hey Yukiho, by the way...is it OK if I marry him instead of you?” Makoto asked.

“Instead of me?! I’m confused,” Yukiho complained. “I hope our ice-cream didn’t melt...”

“Hey, guys...where are you? Oh, there you are. Here’s the ice-cream,” Sora announced, walking into the room. “I just got it about three minutes ago since the other ones melted. But since I knew you worked here at the agency, I decided to bring it to you. Ohime-chan, you wanted strawberry, right?”

“I wanted vanilla,” Yukiho answered.

“Oh...I’m very sorry...”

“I was kidding...I love strawberry ice-cream.”

Sora smiled. “Oh, good. I thought I had been wrong for a minute. And, Makoto-san, you wanted chocolate?”

“I wanted rainbow sherbet.”

“Oh...really?”

“Heh...no.”

“Um...good...?”

Sora doled out the ice-creams. Makoto sighed. “Seriously though, I wanted black licorice. Where did you get chocolate?”

Sora blinked. “I’m sorry...?”

“YOU SHOULD BE SORRY!” Makoto snapped, slapping Sora. Yukiho squeaked.

“D-don’t slap Sora-kun!” she pleaded.

“Really? I kind of wanted to get out of here un-slapped, thank you,” Sora pouted. “Look, Ohime-chan...do you want to go get supper together? I have reservations at This Restaurant tonight, and I was wondering...”

“For all three of us? Oh, you shouldn’t have, Sora...” Makoto cut in.

“Sorry to break it to you, but...I didn’t,” Sora said. “Um...it’s reservations for two.”

“And you want to take me?”

“No.”

“Oh. Um...have fun. You crazy kids.”

Yukiho blushed. “Makoto-chan, don’t embarrass Sora-kun...I-I would love to eat at This Restaurant. Azusa-san says that the food is delicious.”

Sora grinned. “Alright, then. I’ll come get you later. At...7:00? Does that sound good?”

“Yes, that sounds wonderful...thank you...” Yukiho muttered.

Sora nodded. “Then, I’ll come pick you up. Bye Ohime-chan, Makoto-san.”

“Bye, Sora-kun,” Yukiho called.

“I love you,” Makoto added.

“OK, cool. Well, bye...”

“DON’T YOU ‘OK, COOL’ ME!” Makoto shouted, slapping Sora once again. Sora whirled on her.

“STOP DOING THAT!” he ordered. “You’re making me get mad in front of Ohime-chan!”

“It’s OK, I’m sure I would be mad too,” Yukiho insisted.

“Well...I have to go back to my house now,” Sora sighed. “Bye.”

“Bye...”

Makoto sighed. “He’s mean,” she pouted. “Taking my little Yukiho on a date without me.”

“D-d-date?!” Yukiho gasped in alarm. “O-oh no! W-what if he tries to…I-I didn’t realize he was asking me to go on a d-date with him!”

“Relax, it’ll be fine,” Makoto promised. “Just don’t let him get too close. Because if he does and I find out about it, I will destroy him.”

“You really don’t have to,” Yukiho muttered. _I trust Sora-kun. For some reason, I trust him…_

When the time came for Yukiho to be picked up, Sora showed up at the agency again. “Ohime-chan, I’m here. Are you decent, or should I stand outside the door…”

“You can come in,” Yukiho called.

“OK. I was thinking, ‘why the heck would she be changing right in the middle of a huge talent agency’, but you never know. So are you ready to go?”

Yukiho blushed. “Um…y-yes…”

“Good. Now let’s hurry before Makoto-san slaps me again.”

Yukiho giggled. “Right…let’s go…”

Sora reached for her hand. Yukiho squeaked and jumped away.

Sora yanked his hand back. “Right, I forgot you still don’t really like me. So, I’m kinda aiming to change that with this dinner, so...yeah. Anyways, let’s go.”

“It’s not that I don’t l-like you,” Yukiho said quietly. “I do…l-like you…a little…kind of…”

“Good to know. Now are we going to go..?”

“I-I’m sorry…!”

“No, you’re cute. There’s no need to apologize. Come along, now…you cute little…small…thing.”

Yukiho blushed. “Y-yes, here I come..”

They walked to This Restaurant together and found their table. Neither of them noticed the two suspicious-looking people at a table a few feet away.

One person lifted its monocle. “They appear to be sittin’,” it whispered to its companion.

The companion lifted its black veil and peered through a large telescope. “So they are,” it hissed.

“‘Ey Makoto, why’s the author callin’ us ‘it’s?” the first person questioned.

“I don’t know. Wait, what author?”

“The author o’ this here booky thingy. Y’know, the one that interrupted your first kiss?”

“Oh yeah.”

The first person was wearing a large trench coat, a tree hat on top of an Einstein wig, glasses with eyes painted on the lenses and a large nose/mustache combo, huge fake elephant ears, a bandanna around its mouth and nose, a tutu, clown shoes, and a monocle. “See? She called me an ‘it’ again.”

“Geez, Hibiki, it doesn’t matter. Just keep watching!” Its companion was wearing a large black dress and a huge black hat, complete with a black veil and gloves. It was peering through a huge telescope angled at Sora and Yukiho’s table.

“She’s not callin’ ya an ‘it’ half as much, Makoto,” the first person muttered.

“Get over it! What are they doing now?” Makoto hissed.

Hibiki shrugged. She lifted the monocle. “Um…I think they’re orderin’.”

A waiter approached their table. “Um…may I…help you…?”

“NO! GO AWAY! WE’RE BUSY CRASHING SOMEONE’S DATE!” Makoto shouted.

Hibiki made a whale noise.

The waiter blinked. “…enjoy your day.”

Meanwhile at Sora and Yukiho’s table, the pair had just finished ordering their food. “So Ohime-chan, what is your favorite food?” Sora asked curiously.

“Tea…” Yukiho muttered. “O-oh wait…tea is a drink! Well, I like…I don’t know…!”

“You’re so…you’re just so…cute,” Sora stated. “It’s so…cute! You know what I mean?”

“No,” Yukiho admitted.

“Oh. Well, you’re cute.”

“Th-thank you…”

Makoto looked through her telescope again. “Green Sarcophagus! Do you see any strange activity being displayed by the Sora?”

“Negatory, Pickled Ham!” Hibiki hissed, glaring at the pair.

“I thought I was Sparkly Kitty-cat…” Makoto whimpered.

“Ew. Sparkly cats are cute. Who ever told ya ya were cute? They should be arrested for third-degree lyin’.”

“Hey…!”

“It’s true.”

The waiter returned to Sora and Yukiho’s table and delivered their food and drinks. “Anything else?”

“Not right now, thank you,” Sora said politely. “Please leave now. If you can. I’m on a date.”

“OK. Bye.”

“Bye. Have a nice day.”

“Thanks, you too, kid. Just call if you need me.”

“No.”

“OK.”

Yukiho shifted. “Isn’t that a little rude, Sora-kun?” she asked.

“No.” He turned and noticed Hibiki and Makoto staring intensely at them. “Oh look, cosplayers. Hi, guys,” he called, waving.

“He’s on to us!” Makoto hissed.

“I got this!” Hibiki hissed back. She leapt to her feet and started doing the worm on the ground. “YO! I’M A SARCOPHOGUS! I’M NOT HIBIKI GANAHA! AND THAT IS NOT MAKOTO KIKUCHI! THAT’S PICKLED HAM!”

“YES! I AM PICKLED HAM! NOT MAKOTO! MAKOTO IS CUTE AND BEAUTIFUL!”

Hibiki stopped doing the worm and started doing other random dance moves. “No she ain’t, girl. Give it up.”

“OH YEAH, AND WHOEVER TOLD YOU WE WERE HIBIKI AND MAKOTO SHOULD BE ARRESTED FOR THIRD-DEGREE LYING!”

“That’s my thing, yo…!”

A waiter walked by. “That’s not suspicious at all!” he declared, walking away.

Sora blinked. “Oh. OK. That’s cool. So anyways, Ohime-chan…how are you enjoying the food?” he asked Yukiho.

“It’s delicious,” Yukiho praised.

Makoto let out a breath of relief. “Good, he didn’t figure it out,” she sighed.

“I knew he wouldn’t,” Hibiki said proudly, sitting back down and lifting her monocle.

Sora blinked at Yukiho. “Oh…Ohime-sama, you have something on your face,” he commented.

“Oh…I do?” Yukiho commented. “Um…”

“It’s OK,” Sora cut in. “I’ll get it.” Slowly, he reached across to her cheek and wiped a bit of food from her face, gently. Yukiho blushed.

“Th-thank you,” she whispered quietly. “Um…get your hand off of my face, please. Now.”

“It’s already off, Ohime-chan…”

“Oh…s-sorry…”

Sora chuckled. “It’s fine.”

Hibiki lowered her monocle, smiling. “He’s a smooth operator, I see,” she commented.

Makoto rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, he’s totally hot in every possible way. Now can you focus on the task?”

“Whatever ya say, Vice Commander-in-Chief Principal Person Pickled Ham Sir!”

“I’m a GIRL!”

“Whatever ya say, Vice Commander-in-Chief Principal Perso--”

“Shut up.”

“Whatever ya say, Vice Command--”

“HIBIKI! SHUT UP!”

“‘Kay.”

Yukiho shifted in her chair slightly. “Hey Sora-kun, you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched?” she asked.

Sora looked over at Hibiki and Makoto. Makoto was staring at them through the giant telescope, and Hibiki had the monocle in her mouth and was staring straight at them through her eyeball-glasses. Sora turned back to Yukiho.

“No, never. Why?”

Yukiho turned to the two. Makoto and Hibiki waved. Yukiho shrugged. “I don’t know. Let’s keep eating…I-I guess…”

A waitress approached them and pulled out Sora’s chair, then sat on his lap and proceeded to caress his face and play with his hair. “I’M WATCHING YOU,” she moaned in monotone.

Sora yelped and whipped her with his napkin, then covered his face with it. “I’m ugly! I’m…Ugly the goat herder! Now go shoo.”

The waitress blinked. “Ew,” she stated bluntly. “Goat herders are stinky. I’m going to go flirt with that sheep herder.” Then she stood and walked away.

Sora sighed. “Scratch that, I always feel like I’m being watched.”

“Attractive people think that way!” Hibiki screamed at him from her place at the table.

“How did you hear that?”

“I have the ears o’ an elephant, bro.”

Yukiho sighed. “Sora-kun, maybe we should just go home…”

“Agreed,” Sora sighed. “I can walk you back to the agency. OK?”

“Thank you, Sora-kun…”

From out of nowhere, a boy flung himself at Sora and sat on him. “Hi guys! I don’t know you…well, I know Yukiho-chan but not you, but anyways…no one likes me so I came to this restaurant to eat some really expensive food, but I don’t have any money, so can you pay for me?”

“Sh-Shin-kun!” Yukiho gasped in alarm.

“Actually, I’m here on a date with Ohime-chan, so…” Sora began.

“Yep. That’s me! I’m so glad you remembered. So, you are going to pay for me, right? Because I need money. If I don’t pay, I might get arrested, so…oh yeah, and you remember when I invited you to play ping-pong, Yukiho-chan? Well, we can do that tomorrow if you want, and stuff. I’ll swing by the agency to pick you up!” Shin blurted.

“Um, you know, I’m kind of…sitting here, with you on top of me. Will you get off?” Sora asked.

“Attractive people don’t matter in this world. So anyways…oh wait, there’s my mom again with my money! Bye, Yukiho-chan!” Shin exclaimed, standing and rushing to Yukiho’s side. Quickly, he leaned across and kissed Yukiho’s cheek again before running out the door. Yukiho squeaked and almost fell out of her chair. Hibiki burst out laughing. Makoto let out a cry of alarm.

“Attractive people don’t matter…so, are you saying Ohime-chan doesn’t matter?” Sora pouted.

Yukiho blinked and her face turned bright red. “Wait…w-what did you say…?!”

“Nothing. I didn’t say anything. It was your imagination.”

“Oh…well, I’m going to faint now.”

“OK.”

 

 


	6. Your Singing Stinks and So Do You Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to whoever can figure out where I got the name of the game show.
> 
> Disclaimer: Chihaya's opinions in this series of chapters in NO WAY reflect my own. I am merely stating what I believe a woman who has dedicated her life to singing would think of these idols SINGING THESE PARTICULAR SONGS. All random choice rounds later on REALLY WERE random choice, decided by me putting my iPod on shuffle and seeing what I got. Also, I don't own any of the characters. They are all owned by Namco Bandai.  
> Also, I must admit that, when the choice was mine, I specifically gave Makoto songs she's goood at because the world deserves to know that her voice is seriously gorgeous when paired with the right song.  
> The right song being anyhting that isn't cute. Especially not Do-Dai, Kiramekirari, or Start Star. Those songs fit her like a glove fits a foot. IT DOESN'T.
> 
> Rant end. Proceed to the first installment.  
> *The above disclaimer applies to all parts of YSSaSDY and I will not repeat it.*

 

**Your Singing Stinks and So Do You Part 1**

 

Chihaya drummed her fingers on the judging table she was seated at. The stage in front of her was currently empty, but she knew that soon, she would be listening to her friends sing and viciously ripping apart their voices in order to choose the one idol who could possibly rival her ability.

In other words, Chihaya was the lone host/judge/whatever it’s called of “Your Singing Stinks and So Do You”.

She looked up at the stage, and at the peppy blonde excitedly hopping onto it. “Hi, Chihaya~!”

“Miki.” Chihaya dipped her head momentarily. “Alright, what are you singing?”

“Miki’s gonna sing Do-Dai—”

“No, don’t, please,” Chihaya begged.

“Why not?” Miki asked sadly.

“Because your voice is so squeaky, I swear a mouse wouldn’t even be able to sing like you,” Chihaya stated simply. “You just…try much too hard to be cute and it makes my ears want to explode.”

“But Miki is cute,” Miki whined.

“Cute voices are annoying,” Chihaya said. “Now get off the stage, Miki.”

Miki shook her head. “Miki will sing something else. Listen! Miki will sing Shinku, OK~nano?”

Chihaya groaned.

Miki looked over at the music playing guy and told him to play the music for her selected song. When the time came, she sang.

Chihaya admitted to having been pleasantly surprised. Miki still over-enunciated all her vowels, especially “I”, but her voice seemed deeper and smoother. Chihaya wouldn’t let her face show it, but she was impressed by Miki’s range and her ability to properly hit the notes. When the blonde finished, she looked expectantly at Chihaya.

“You still sound like a squeaky toy,” Chihaya told her.

Miki’s face fell.

“But, you are a squeaky toy that can sing. I’ll give you that. Now get off.”

Miki beamed and giggled. “OK, bye!” Excitedly, she bounded off the stage.

Ami and Mami took her place. “Hey, hey, Chihaya-oneechan!”

“Chihaya-oneechan, Ami and Mami are gonna sing Reimei Starline, m’kay?”

“…No.”

Ami blinked. “What’s wrong with that song, Chihaya-oneechan?”

“It’s not the song, it’s…” Chihaya trailed off and pointed at the twins. “You two sound like the love child of a goose and a monkey.”

“Wah, that’s too cruel, Chihaya-oneechan!” Ami and Mami claimed at once.

Chihaya shrugged.

Mami huffed. “Mami and Ami are going to sing anyways,” she declared. “And a one, and a two, and a one, two, thirty-six-thousand-nine-hundred-twelve!”

The music began and the twins sang together. Chihaya buried her face in her hands and plugged her ears. When the twins were about half-way through the song, Chihaya waved her hands furiously at the music playing guy, yelling “Stop! Make it stop!”

The music stopped. The twins kept singing for a moment before stopping.

“Eh? Chihaya-oneechan, we weren’t done,” Ami complained.

“I know,” Chihaya muttered. “OK, here is what I think—the two of you need to just stop. Stop…forever. I just don’t even…if Miki’s voice makes my ears want to explode, your voices make them want to commit suicide by jumping in front of a bus.”

Ami and Mami frowned.

“Seriously though, I mean…I’ve heard _crows_ that can sing better than that,” Chihaya continued. “I just…please go away. Do the world a favor and never sing again.”

Ami and Mami sniffled loudly and shuffled slowly off the stage. Chihaya began to regret her harsh words, but then she remembered that this was “Your Singing Stinks and So Do You”. Her friends would thank her later.

The next person onstage was Takane. Chihaya grinned. Takane dipped her head in greeting. Chihaya responded with a wide smile.

“Kisaragi Chihaya, do you wish to insult my voice?” Takane asked. “If you do, I will insult yours three times worse.”

Chihaya blinked. “I have nothing to say about you, Shijou-san. I’ve always thought you had a wonderful voice.” _Unlike_ some _people._

Takane smiled. “I have always loved your voice as well, Chihaya,” she announced. “I will sing Kazahana.”

“Good, I like that song.”

The music began and Chihaya ate up every note that Takane sang. She knew she would need to remember the beauty of this voice when she was faced with such monstrosities as Makoto or Ritsuko or Yayoi. When Takane finished, Chihaya applauded politely.

“I honestly have nothing bad to say,” Chihaya admitted. “I’ve always admired your voice. Although you’ll never beat me.”

Takane’s eyes narrowed. “Why so?” she questioned.

“Well…” Chihaya sighed. “It’s just…Shijou-san, you don’t exactly enunciate perfectly, your words often sound slurred, and the deepness of your voice is a little…awkward. You know what I mean?”

Takane sniffed loudly. “You have many flaws as well, Kisaragi Chihaya,” she huffed, stalking off the stage. “Awkward, she says…”

Chihaya sighed. “Next.”

The next singer was Ritsuko. Chihaya groaned.

“Please just keep moving,” she pleaded.

“Have you ever really heard me sing, Chihaya?” Ritsuko asked. “I can do it. Listen to this; 1/6 no Yume Tabibito 2002.” The music playing guy played the music and Ritsuko sang.

Chihaya allowed herself to smile a bit. Her elder’s voice was a lot smoother, and she hit each note very well. Chihaya nodded to herself, impressed by Ritsuko’s range. When she finished, though, the songstress did have some things to say.

“I can’t tell whether your voice is squeaky or deep,” she concluded. “It’s smooth, but it’s awkward. You sound a little uncomfortable in the higher ranges, and your voice is…flat. Not flat as in, the notes are flat, but rather that there isn’t much depth to it. You sing the song as written without putting much of your own spin on things.”

Ritsuko blinked. “…Chihaya, that’s how _you_ sing too,” she mused.

“When I do it it sounds normal. When you do it it sounds unnatural.”

Ritsuko shrugged. “Well, whatever. Bye, Chihaya.”

The next singer was Yayoi. Chihaya smiled at her, even though inside she wanted nothing more than to shove her off the stage before it was too late.

“Hi, Chihaya-san!”

“Hello, Takatsuki-san.”

“I’m gonna sing Labyrinth, OK?”

_Oh gosh, someone help me…_ “Takatsuki-san, don’t you think—”

Before Chihaya could stop her, the music playing guy started the music and Yayoi sang. Chihaya admitted to herself that she sounded adorable, but she couldn’t help but plug up her ears a bit. Yayoi seemed oblivious to this, as she kept singing.

When she finished, Chihaya rested her forehead in her hand and took a deep breath before continuing.

“Takatsuki-san, you know I don’t want you to be upset, but I have to say this. You…you just can’t sing. I mean, you sound cute and all, but you can’t hit the high notes, your voice is shaky and constantly wavering, and it’s just…you belch out the notes and they just…it sounds awkward and unnatural,” Chihaya blurted.

Yayoi looked like she was about to cry.

“No, Takatsuki-san, that’s not…p-please don’t cry but…”

Yayoi ran off the stage in tears. “I-I really am useless…!”

“N-no! Takatsuki-san, that’s not what I…w-wait!”

Sighing, Chihaya took her seat again. Oh, well. This was “Your Singing Stinks and So Do You”. She was supposed to make people cry.

The next contestant was Haruka. She ran onto the stage looking nervous, but excited. “Hey, Chihaya-chan! Um, I’m singing Iro White Blends, OK?” She grinned.

Chihaya nodded. “Very well. Go ahead.”

Haruka nodded and the music playing guy did his job correctly. Haruka sang her song while Chihaya tapped her fingers on the table, murmuring to herself about how she could put her harsh words in a polite way to Haruka.

_Wait. This is “Your Singing Stinks and So Do You”. I have to destroy her self-esteem._

Haruka finished and smiled awkwardly at Chihaya. “Well, Chihaya-chan? W-what did you think?” she asked.

Chihaya looked at her. “Haruka, your voice is…shaky at best,” she began. “You sound so forced and strained, especially when you were hitting the waver-y notes. You know what I’m trying to say? It was like, instead of an ‘aa-AA-aa’ it was an ‘aa-A-A-A-aa’. Your voice broke like crazy, I couldn’t understand half of the English you were speaking—”

“Chihaya-chan, you have horrible English.”

“That isn’t the point! The point is, you sound too strained. Like you have to force yourself to sing well. It isn’t…good. It just isn’t good.”

Haruka nodded slowly, still smiling. “…right. Thank you for your feedback.” She bowed to Chihaya and walked off the stage sadly.

Chihaya sighed. “I’m sorry,” she called.

Azusa was next. “I’m singing Mythmaker~, Chihaya-chan~” she announced. “Is that OK?”

“As long as you don’t pierce my eardrums. I heard Makoto was next so I need to store up on the sounds of beautiful music so my ears don’t collapse upon themselves in agony.”

“Makoto-chan isn’t that bad, really…”

“Have you HEARD her sing?”

“Have YOU?”

“Yes. And I’m lucky my eardrums are still working.”

“Chihaya-chan, that’s rude…”

“This is ‘Your Singing Stinks and So Do You’. You stink. Get used to it.”

Azusa shrugged. “OK, here I go~”

The song started and Azusa sang. Chihaya grinned brightly, enjoying the stronger quality of Azusa’s voice in the song. Again, she admired the range of the contestant and her ability to hit each note perfectly.

Azusa finished and smiled down at Chihaya. “Chihaya-chan, do I stink~?”

Chihaya shook her head. “No, you didn’t, but…” She nodded. “First off I would like to say that I really liked the strength and the…deepness, almost…of your voice in that song. You have fantastic range, too. But…your voice has too much vibrato, your English needs work, and it was…a little odd to hear this side of you. Nice, but odd. Almost a bit forced.” She shrugged. “That’s all.”

Azusa grinned. “Thank you for the critique, Chihaya-chan. I’ll try to fix things~”

“You’re welcome.” _And now, dwell on that lovely sound while my ears undergo horrendous torture._

Makoto bounded onto the stage after Azusa had left. She faced Chihaya and offered a gallant bow before straightening up and rocking from heel to toe, as if waiting for Chihaya to speak.

“Don’t sing.” It was all Chihaya had to say.

Makoto blinked. “Why not?”

“Because you _can’t_.”

Makoto frowned. “I can too. I was going to try Kiramekirari—”

“NO!” Chihaya shouted. Makoto stumbled back, startled. “Just…no! Please no! Just do the world a favor and never sing another note as long as you live!” _Your singing stinks, and so do you. Get used to it._

Makoto narrowed her eyes. “Describe.”

“What?”

“Describe what you think of my voice. I want to hear it.”

Chihaya sighed. “You asked,” she muttered. “Makoto…you sound like a dying gorilla riding a mentally ill horse into a squirrel-infested forest of whales choking on walruses.”

Makoto chuckled. “Is that how it is, then…”

“In other words, _you can’t sing._ ”

Without even waiting for the music playing guy to play the music, Makoto started to sing. Chihaya moaned and buried her face in her hands, plugging her ears with her thumbs. But after a moment, she heard (barely) that the song Makoto was singing was not Kiramekirari. In fact, it wasn’t a song Chihaya had ever even heard before.

And Makoto was good at it.

Slowly, Chihaya unplugged her ears, just as the music playing guy caught on to what song Makoto was singing and started the music where she was. Chihaya listened, allowing herself to smile. Makoto’s voice sounded fluid and smooth, and she hit all the notes almost flawlessly, even the higher ones that were out of her initial range, proving that she did indeed have a “head voice”. By the time Makoto had finished the second chorus, Chihaya was gaping.

She finished and Chihaya offered a single clap. Makoto grinned.

“Did _that_ sound like a dying gorilla riding a mentally ill horse into a squirrel-infested forest of whales choking on walruses?”

Chihaya shook her head slowly. “That…I didn’t know you could sing like that. It was good.”

Makoto beamed triumphantly. “I told you I could sing~”

“But it still wasn’t even close to true vocal talent.”

Makoto let out a loud whine. “What?! That’s like…my best song! I-I thought I did really well!”

“What song was that, anyways?”

“Light Prayer.”

“Well, you did better than I expected, but still…” Chihaya looked up at Makoto, who was half-glaring down at her. “OK, you want to know? Your voice sounded awkward. It was strong and powerful one second, and then the very next line was smooth and flowing. It just sounded awkward. It barely even sounded like you anymore, and yet…it sounded just like you. It was awkward. Your voice was wavering like nuts—”

“It’s _supposed_ to waver like nuts. It’s called ‘scooping’. Or ‘swooping’ if that’s the term you prefer.”

“It’s called ‘wavering’, Makoto. And…there were some notes that you sounded almost unsure on.”

“Your ears were plugged for the first half of it,” Makoto pointed out. “Did you even hear the first part? I mean…I think I sounded pretty good for being a cappella. And apparently, I can’t even sing in the first place, so…”

Chihaya sighed. “Just…it was just awkward and shaky. In addition, you way over-enunciated your ‘O’s’ and ‘U’s’ and the rest of it sounded a bit slurred. But I do admit that you can sing. Why don’t you?”

“I…I-I do…”

“Just get off the stage.”

Makoto stomped off the stage in a huff and was replaced with Iori, who giggled evilly at the “failure” of her “rival”. She curtsied to Chihaya.  
“I’m singing Renai Circulation. Good luck finding flaws with it,” she laughed. “OK, ready?”

The music started and Iori sang her song. Chihaya listened, bopping her head along with the music. There was a little rap in some parts, and Chihaya thought Iori sounded very cute without sounding too cute for the rap. It worked very well.

Iori finished her song and grinned. “Well, since you _obviously_ can’t critique that, I’ll just go,” she decided.

“Wait,” Chihaya called after her. “Iori, I have some things to say.”

Iori looked at her. “…you’re kidding.”

“Your voice was flat. Almost lifeless. You sang the song as written and that was it. I would have liked a little more power from you…it’s like this, Iori. That song is a cute song and you sounded good with it, but it was boring. Your rap was really cute, though. I liked that,” Chihaya told her.

“I-I was not boring!” Iori gasped.

Chihaya shrugged.

Iori flipped her hair with a “hmph!” and stalked off the stage.

Chihaya waited for the next contestant.

Hibiki did a bellyflop onto the stage.

“OW!”

“What are you singing?”

“Gimme a sec, I…ooow…” Hibiki slowly stood and brushed herself off. “OK. I’m gonna sing a song for ya, Chihya~”

“Chihaya.”

“I like Chihya more.”

“Chihya is my Puchi though…Ganaha-san, you’re confusing me…”

“Hehe~” Hibiki folded her hands behind her head. “I’m gonna sing Nadasousou. M’kay? M’kay.” She looked at the music playing guy, who did his job. Hibiki sang.

Chihaya waited until she’d finished and then nodded and stood. “You did well,” she praised.

“O’ course~”

“But.”

“B-but…?!”

“You have a lot of vibrato and it doesn’t really fit—”

“I barely had any vibrato in that song! An’ your voice is like…the second most vibrato-y voice outta all o’ us!”

“—I sound better than you. I sound better than _all_ of you. In addition, you were a little too powerful, I thought. But…you did well.”

Hibiki sniffed. “Well, ya still had less to say ‘bout me than ya did the others, I think. Thanks, Chihya~”

“CHIHAYA.”

“Hehe~”

Hibiki walked off the stage and Yukiho slowly walked up. She squeaked.

Chihaya moaned. “Oi…”

“Ch-Chihaya-chan…u-um, I’m going to sing Koi…”

“OK, go.”

Yukiho took a deep breath and waited her turn. When the time came, she started to sing. Chihaya found her voice very melodic and smiled. Yukiho kept her eyes closed and sang through the song easily, seemingly forgetting she was being judged. Chihaya found it an admirable quality.

Yukiho finished and squeaked.

Chihaya nodded. “Good. But…your voice is very husky. It’s a bit too thick for your own good and…well, your enunciation is a little…weird. You sounded a bit awkward in the higher notes.”

“I-I’m sorry!” Yukiho gasped.

“It’s OK. Now get off the stage.”

Yukiho nodded slowly and shuffled off the stage.

Chihaya sighed. _Time to choose the final eight…and I know exactly who they are. Shijou-san, Azusa-san…Ritsuko-san admittedly did very well…Iori, Hagiwara-san, Ganaha-san…and…well, I do have to admit that Miki and Makoto did extremely well, despite my original caution…it’s true that Makoto really can sing and Miki brought to me a kind of voice I had never heard from her. …Then, that’s my top eight. I’ll make the announcement._ “The final eight have been decided,” she called. The idols assembled onstage. “When I call your name, please step forwards.”

The idols nodded.

“Shijou Takane.”

Takane smiled and stepped forwards.

“Miura Azusa.”

Azusa smiled pleasantly and joined Takane.

“Minase Iori.”

“Naturally,” Iori giggled. She stepped up.

“Hagiwara Yukiho.”

Yukiho gasped excitedly, turned to Makoto and squeaked, then practically hopped forwards and bowed gratefully to Chihaya.

“Ganaha Hibiki.”

“Hehe~, thanks, Chihya.”

“It’s Chihaya! And…Akizuki Ritsuko.”

“Me?” Ritsuko gasped. “Well, alright.” She shrugged and stepped forwards.

“Hoshii Miki.”

“Miki knew it!” Miki squealed. “Thank you, Chihaya!” She bounced forwards.

Chihaya examined the five idols left in the back. Ami and Mami were texting, apparently convinced they wouldn’t make it anyways. Yayoi was sniffling and looked ready to cry. Makoto was squirming awkwardly. And Haruka was staring straight ahead with a strained expression on her face.

Chihaya sighed. “Kikuchi Makoto.”

Makoto blinked.

“…Makoto, that’s you.”

“You…I…wait…but Haruka…and you said…can’t sing…wait, what?”

“You’re in the final eight, Makoto,” Chihaya elaborated.

Makoto blinked again and slowly stepped forwards. “But, you said I sounded like a dying gorilla riding a mentally ill horse into a squirrel-infested forest of whales choking on walruses…”

“Yes, that’s what I thought. But you proved me wrong, I’ll admit. You can sing, even if you aren’t as good as any of the others in the top eight.”

“But what about Haruka?” Makoto chimed. “I mean…isn’t she…and then…but you said…and I…you know what I mean?”

“…no…”

“Well, I’m just…you know?”

Chihaya shook her head. “Honorable mention goes to Amami Haruka, but I just thought…it was a little off, you know? Your voice was just too shaky. So…sorry, Haruka. Miki and Makoto beat you out.”

“But…gorilla…”

“Makoto, shut up, you’re in the top eight.”

“…can I hug you?”

“No.”

“‘Kay~”

 


	7. Yayoi's First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was another request, but I can't remember the person's name. Nothing belongs to me except the way it was written. And the spy brigade's antics. Those are Grace originals.

 

**Yayoi’s First Date**

 

 

 

“I want to go on a date.”

 

Touma looked over at the green-haired boy sprawled lazily facedown on the couch. “Repeat that. Except this time, get your face off the couch.”

 

Shouta sat up a bit. “I. Want. To. Go. On. A. Date,” he repeated.

 

“…why?”

 

Shouta rolled onto his back. “I dunno, Hokuto-kun’s always going on dates and he has so much fun, so I got to thinking, maybe it would be fun if I went on a date.”

 

“With who?” Touma pressed. “You don’t exactly know many girls your age who aren’t either creepy obsessed or from 765 Pro.”

 

Shouta shrugged. “That Takatsuki Yayoi from 765 Pro is cute. Think she’d go on a date with me?”

 

“Yes,” Touma responded. “But that doesn’t mean you should go on a date with her. I mean…765 Pro, Shouta. 765 Pro.”

 

“They’re not bad, Touma-kun. You like some of them too.”

 

“N-no I don’t!”

 

“Touma-kun is a tsundere~”

 

“Shut up, kid.”

Despite Touma’s warnings, sure enough, the next day Shouta showed up at the agency with a bouquet of flowers that he definitely hadn’t just picked himself from a wildflower field by his house. And he definitely hadn’t braved being attacked by a rabid dog just to get Yayoi these flowers. And he most certainly hadn’t spent the last of his energy climbing a tree to escape an angry bull that had somehow randomly appeared in said flower field after the dog had left.

 

Because that would be sappy and stupid.

 

Producer opened the door to the agency to find Shouta standing there, scraped up and dirty, but wearing a suit and holding a bouquet of flowers. Behind him, Iori and Hibiki peeked at the Jupiter kid at their agency.

 

Shouta waved. “Hi, Nii-chan~. Is Yayoi-chan here?”

 

Producer blinked. “Are you OK?”

 

“I didn’t almost get eaten by a rabid dog and then climb a tree to escape an angry bull while picking these flowers for Yayoi-chan. What are you talking about?”

 

“…yeah. Well, if you’re here for Yayoi she’s upstairs.”

 

“Thanks, Nii-chan~”

 

“No problem.”

 

Shouta stepped aside and Producer and his two idols walked to the car. Shouta headed inside. Iori watched him.

 

“He’s going to give her those flowers,” she concluded.

 

“He’s gonna ask her out,” Hibiki decided.

 

Iori looked at Hibiki. “…Hibiki, call Makoto for me. I have a favor to ask.”

 

“Sure thing~”

 

Hibiki dialed the number and handed Iori her phone. Iori held it to her ear. “…Producer, when are we finishing this job?”

 

“It’s only, like…fifteen minutes, really. Why?”

 

Iori shushed him. “…hey, Makoto. It’s Iori. I have a favor to ask you…”

 

Hibiki grinned.

 

 

Meanwhile, inside the agency, Shouta had managed to find Yayoi after almost tripping on her in the hallways. Yayoi was on her hands and knees, scrubbing the floors, when he presented the flowers and she excitedly accepted them.

 

“How much did these cost you?” she gasped. “They’re beautiful, Shouta-kun!”

 

“Thanks, I picked ‘em myself~” Shouta replied proudly.

 

“You did? Is that why you’re so dirty? Oh, that’s so sweet!”

 

“I know~. Hey Yayoi-chan, are you busy?”

 

Yayoi blinked. “Well, I’m almost done scrubbing the floors, and after that I have nothing to do. Why?”

 

“Wanna go see a movie with me or something? We could go to a restaurant if you want,” Shouta suggested. “Here, I can help you scrub the floors.”

 

Yayoi blinked again and blushed slightly. “Um…I think a movie would be great! There’s this one movie that came out recently and I’ve been wanting to go see it, but movie theatres are so expensive…”

 

“I’ll pay for you,” Shouta offered.

 

Yayoi shook her head. “Oh, no, I couldn’t ask you to do that…you already went through so much trouble to pick me these flowers and now you’re going to help me scrub the floors…thank you, by the way,” she added. “I can’t ask you to pay for my ticket too…”

 

Shouta laughed. “You’re cute, so it’s OK,” he assured her, bending and taking a sudsy sponge out of Yayoi’s soapy bucket.

 

Yayoi’s blush deepened. “Th-thank you,” she muttered. She fell silent and scrubbed the floors, Shouta working by her side.

 

 

 

**~xXxXx~**

 

 

“OK, so, is this everyone?” Makoto called.

 

Iori examined her spy team. “…yeah, I think so.”

 

In front of her were the twins, Hibiki, Azusa, and Ritsuko. Makoto and Iori were co-captaining the spy team, which had been assembled purely for the sake of spying on Yayoi and Shouta at their date, which had been confirmed to be a movie.

 

The twins snickered and rubbed their hands. “This’ll be fun,” Ami muttered.

 

“Yayoicchi won’t know what hit her,” Mami agreed. “And neither will we! It’ll be hilarious!”

 

“Wait…what?” Makoto sighed. “We aren’t hitting them with anything but rolled-up socks if they try anything we don’t like. Or in my case, my shoes. Because, I’m kind of known for chucking my shoes at people nowadays.”

 

Iori nodded. “Alright. We have to go get into position! Review time, everyone!” she declared. “Azusa!”

 

“My name is Fluffy Brain, I’m dressed as a cow in a tutu, and my noise is the sound you get when you rub two pickles together! And I spy with my spectacles.”

 

“Ami and Mami!”

 

“Ami is Herp Derp ma’am! Ami is wearing a suit and big shades ma’am! Ami’s noise is a cheering crowd ma’am! And Ami spies with her shades ma’am!”

 

“Mami is the same, except her name is Derpy Hooves, she wears small shades, and her noise is a booing crowd ma’am!”

 

Iori grinned. “Hibiki!”

 

“My name is Green Sarcophagus!” Hibiki began. “I’m wearin’ a clown wig, a tree hat, an Einstein wig, antennas, a beard, those glasses with eyes on ‘em, those glasses with the eyebrows and the mustache and the nose, a bandana, a fake beard, Spock ears, a trench coat, a tutu, clown shoes, an’ a petticoat! My noise is whale noises. An’ I spy with a monocle~”

 

“Geez, Hibiki, you got even more stuff?” Makoto muttered.

 

“Yup~. Hehe~”

 

Iori shrugged. “Makoto, Sir! Explain!”

 

Makoto nodded curtly. “I’m wearing…a hot dog costume. My name is Pickled Ham. My noise is a police siren, and I spy with a telescope.” She smiled at Iori. “Iori, Ma’am! Educate me.”

 

Iori nodded. “My name is Pink Orangutangular Dolphin, I’m wearing a princess dress and a duck bill, my noise is a yipping dog, and I spy with a magnifying glass this time.”

 

Makoto grinned. “Seriously, you guys…why are we so professional?!”

 

 

 

**~xXxXx~**

 

 

 

“Here are some good seats!”

 

“Yay! I can see perfectly!”

 

Shouta giggled. “If some tall guy sits in front of you at the last second, we can switch. Or…” He trailed off, blushing slightly. “Or you could sit on my lap. That could work.”

 

Yayoi blushed too. “I think I’ll be fine,” she said. “Look, we got here just in time! It’s about to start!”

 

“Yay, I’m excited~!”

 

“Me too~!”

 

Neither of them noticed the oddly-dressed circus cosplayers seating themselves in a row just above theirs.

 

 

 

**~xXxXx~**

 

 

 

“They appear to be watching a movie,” Ami hissed to Mami, who passed the message to Iori.

 

“I noticed,” Iori muttered. “Quick, Makoto! Pass me that popcorn!”

 

“Negatory. I’m eating it with my tongue.”

 

“Wait, what…?”

 

“I am dipping my tongue into the tub of popcorn and eating it. Trust me, you don’t want this popcorn.”

 

“…Ami! You give me the popcorn!”

 

“YES MA’AM!”

 

“SHH!” everyone else hissed.

 

Ami laughed really loud and obnoxiously.

 

“SHH!”

 

Ami exploded.

 

“SHHHHH!”

 

In front of them, Shouta grinned. “These sound effects are so realistic! It’s like someone really just exploded directly behind me!”

 

Iori dumped the popcorn on him. “SOMEONE DID EXPLODE, YOU DUMBBELL!”

 

“I don’t even use dumbbells…hey look! Popcorn!”

 

Yayoi grinned and together, they ate the popcorn Iori had dumped on him.

 

“Catastrophe avoided, Pink Orangutangular Dolphin,” Hibiki praised. “Good job!”

 

“Naturally,” Iori huffed.

 

 

 

**~xXxXx~**

 

 

 

“So Yayoi-chan, how are you enjoying the mo—”

 

“SHH!” Yayoi hissed, pressing her finger to his lips. “Azuki is about to reveal the secret of the unicorn princess’ power!”

 

Shouta blinked. “…her name is Zuzu. And the princess isn’t a unicorn princess, she’s a fairy princess. And Zuzu is about to tell her about the story of edeN, not the secret to Mariko’s power,” he explained. “…Yayoi-chan, what movie are you watching?!”

 

“The movie where Azuki reveals the secret to the unicorn princess’ power!”

 

“What’s it called?” Shouta asked politely.

 

“It’s called…Azuki Reveals the Secret to the Unicorn Princess’ Power.”

 

Shouta blinked again. “…what?”

 

“Oh, it’s over now. What’s going on in this movie?”

 

“You mean, Zuzu Explains the Story of edeN to the Main Character whose Name No One Cares About while Mariko the Fairy Princess Saves the World Through the Use of her Fairy Magic and the Pony Witch Holds Mariko Captive in a Castle, So It’s Up to the Main Character to Save Mariko After Unlocking the Secrets of the Locket He Wears on his Neck That He Got From his Mother Saki Who Knew the Story of edeN and Then Passed the Story on to Zuzu Who Now Must Tell the Main Character the Story So He Can Use his Locket to Dispel the Pony Witch from the Land and Rescue Mariko and Marry her and Live Happily Ever After Explosions the Sequel the Fourth the Third the Movie the Game the Book the Game the Movie?”

 

“No, I mean Rawr.”

 

Shouta blinked. “But we’re watching Zuzu Explains the Story of edeN to the Main Character—”

 

“I know,” Yayoi interrupted. “But I like Rawr more. That’s the movie I’m watching in my brain.”

 

“You can do that? Cool.”

 

“SHH!”

 

 

 

**~xXxXx~**

 

 

 

Makoto scooped up a piece of popcorn with her tongue and ate it. “See that? I told you we were watching that really long movie title that I’m not going to repeat because it’s way too long.”

 

“But,” Azusa began, “I thought we were watching Zuzu Explains the Story—”

 

“We get it!” Hibiki interrupted.

 

“So, aren’t we watching that?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“OK~”

 

Iori watched Shouta and Yayoi. “They’re making small-talk,” she announced. “Someone drink soda!”

 

Mami drank soda and exploded.

 

Shouta laughed. “There go those realistic sound effects again!”

 

Iori hit him with Makoto’s shoes. “THEY ARE REAL YOU NUT!”

 

 

 

**~xXxXx~**

 

 

 

When the movie was over, Shouta offered to walk Yayoi back to her house. Yayoi agreed and together, the two headed towards Yayoi’s home, holding hands. Iori, Makoto, Hibiki, and Azusa followed them. The twins would have gone too, but they exploded and therefore were dead until the next one-shot.

 

Unfortunately, Yayoi and Shouta got lost so they just took a bus back to Yayoi’s house. The spies tried to catch up with them but they got hit by a car and died.

 

“I had fun, Yayoi-chan,” Shouta said happily.

 

“Me too,” Yayoi agreed. “Thank you for taking me, Shouta-kun!”

 

“You’re welcome~. Tell your siblings I said hi, and they’re adorable, and I wish I had them for siblings, and goodnight.”

 

Yayoi giggled. “Good…goodnight.” She stared up at Shouta, still clutching his hand. He chuckled and she blushed.

 

“Goodnight, Yayoi-chan.” Slowly, Shouta leaned down to her and kissed her cheek. Yayoi retaliated by kissing his lips and then running inside her house, squeaking in embarrassment, much like a Yukiho.

 

Somewhere in an adjoining town, Yukiho sneezed.

 

Shouta watched Yayoi run into her house. “…hehe~. She likes me~. Wait until I go brag to Touma-kun, who is now the only one of us without a girlfriend.” He was about to go home, but he got hit by a bus and exploded.

 

Then everybody died, until the next one-shot where they are all miraculously revived.

 

The end.

 

 

 


	8. Your Singing Stinks and So Do You Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Please see the first part for the disclaimer if you forgot it already.*

 

**Your Singing Stinks and So Do You Part 2**

 

Chihaya examined her final eight. “OK, for this round I want you to compete in groups of two or three. I’ll judge based on how you do,” she explained. She blinked. When she opened her eyes, the groups had already been formed and the one consisting of Takane, Miki, and Hibiki was waiting to perform. In the back was a duo consisting of Makoto and Yukiho, and a trio of Ritsuko, Azusa, and Iori.

Chihaya blinked again. “…right. Go ahead and perform.”

“We’re gonna be singin’ Kyun! Vampire Girl!” Hibiki announced excitedly. She looked at her group members, who nodded. “OK, GO!”

The music began and they sang. There was another verse after the one Chihaya was used to, a verse she’d never heard, so she assumed this was the M@STER version. Takane sounded quite sexy, as the song called for, and Hibiki brought a nice balance of cute and sexy.

But Miki.

Chihaya tried to focus on the music, on the fantastic rhythms and the lovely voices of Hibiki and Takane.

But Miki.

She was cute, Chihaya thought. But too cute. _Much_ too cute.

The song ended and Chihaya rubbed her temples with her hand. “…Miki.”

Miki beamed.

“…what.”

Miki frowned. “Wasn’t…Miki cute?”

“Yes,” Chihaya said quietly. “Much, much too cute. You sounded like a squeaky toy and a mouse having a conversation on helium.”

Hibiki held back a laugh. Miki shifted.

Chihaya looked at Takane. “Shijou-san, again your enunciation was off and your voice sounded pretty husky, but you have the vocal quality needed for the words of this song. You did well,” she praised.

Takane grinned.

“Ganaha-san, your voice has a nice balance. It was cute, but it was sexy too. The vibrato in your voice was virtually gone, and you sang it nicely. But you still sounded a bit awkward. Much better, though.”

Hibiki chuckled.

“But Miki.”

Miki sniffled.

“Get off my stage.”

The three left and were replaced by Makoto and Yukiho. Chihaya nodded at them.

“U-um…Makoto-chan and I…w-will be singing First Stage,” Yukiho told Chihaya, who nodded. Yukiho nodded back. “…yes. P-please…enj—”

“Yukiho and I are singing the M@STER version of First Stage, and please enjoy ‘cause we work pretty hard on it and I think the two of us sound nice, and I hope you’ll see that I really can sing without sounding like a dying gorilla riding a mentally ill horse into a squirrel-infested forest of whales choking on walruses.”

Chihaya nodded again. “Alright, go.”

The music playing guy ate some popcorn and then played the music. Makoto and Yukiho began to sing.

Chihaya admitted to again being pleasantly surprised. Makoto and Yukiho both seemed to have softer voices than usual, while Makoto still possessed an edge to her voice that made the song sound a little better. Yukiho’s voice, also, was significantly less husky and much smoother. Chihaya smiled at them. Their voices complimented each other well. When they finished, she almost said that she had nothing bad to say, but then she remembered this was “Your Singing Stinks and So Do You”.

“Makoto,” she began.

Makoto sighed. “Let me guess—I didn’t enunciate…”

“Correct.”

“…and I sounded like a gorilla.”

“Incorrect. I’ll admit, you’ve surprised me again, Makoto. There was a softer quality in your voice that I liked hearing from you. But again, you didn’t enunciate, there were some times when you were a little lifeless, and…yeah.”

Makoto smiled her catty smile. “You’re having trouble telling me what I did wrong, aren’t, you, Chihaya? Ehehe~. Admit you thought we were perfect~”

Chihaya raised her eyebrow. “No. Yukiho, you’re next.”

Yukiho squeaked.

“Again, there was a much softer quality to your voice this time. You sounded much less husky. But you still sounded lifeless, and a little shaky…and yeah.”

Makoto giggled. “Hear that, Yukiho? She’s having trouble ripping us to shreds~. That means we were really good~”

“…Makoto, get off my stage. And take your friend.”

“M’kay~. C’mon, Yukiho~. Can’t sing, my butt…”

Chihaya sighed, smiling slightly. _I was wrong about her. She can sing. So why doesn’t she? I mean…Kiramekirari, Chihaya. Do-Dai. Start— > Star—>…oh, no. Not that…now I have horrid memories. This next group had better be good or my brain may explode from horrendous singing overload._

The next group, Iori, Azusa and Ritsuko, shuffled onstage smiling proudly.

“Alright, you three. What are you singing?” Chihaya asked.

“Smoky Thrill!” Iori answered. Azusa and Ritsuko nodded.

Chihaya nodded back. “Go.”

The music started and the group sang. Chihaya especially admired Iori’s voice with the song; it sounded very cute, and it certainly wasn’t half as boring. She smiled a bit. This was the kind of voice she wanted to hear from Iori.

Azusa fit the song quite well too, which was normal considering it was a Ryuuguu Komachi song. Chihaya thought they sounded good together.

But Ritsuko.

She sounded better than usual with the song, but it was still…off. Awkward. She tried too hard.

Chihaya listened and waited until they finished. She looked at Iori first. “Iori, you did really well. Your voice sounded a lot less boring. It sounded more…natural. It was very cute. But…oh, you know what, just critique yourself. I can’t say anything. Except maybe that it lacked the sexy appeal that you could have made in a song like that. And…that’s it.”

Iori beamed. “Of course. I’m Iori-chan, after all~!”

“Azusa-san, you sounded quite cute, but there was too much vibrato and you were a little squeaky. But you did well.”

Azusa smiled.

“But Ritsuko-san.”

Ritsuko groaned.

“You just…tried too hard. It came across as awkward and a little pitchy. In other words…I know the final six.”

Ritsuko nodded. “Yeah, yeah…I think I did pretty good in that song…”

“‘Pretty good’ means nothing on ‘Your Singing Stinks and So Do You’. Now, take Miki and the both of you get off my game-show.”

Ritsuko sighed. “Alright, fine. See you later, guys,” she called over her shoulder on her way down the stairs. She dragged Miki, kicking and screaming, off the set, leaving the top six.

Chihaya offered the contestants a curt nod. This would be a tough competition.

 


	9. Your Cooking Stinks and We Hate You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A request, I think from user SohmaAkira at FF.net. I put a bit of my own spin on things and had way too much fun with this.
> 
> MakoRyo is best pairing.  
> *shot*

 

**Your Cooking Stinks and We Hate You**

 

“Welcome to ‘Your Cooking Stinks and We Hate You’!” Shouta called excitedly into a microphone. “The show where idols from our enemy agency cook for us and we rip them to shreds with our harsh words!”

The audience cheered and Shouta laughed. “The judges here today are me, Hokuto-kun, and Touma-kun. For the record, Hokuto-kun and I don’t really hate you. Just Touma-kun ‘cause he’s a grouch~”

Touma grunted.

“OK! The first contestant is Ami Futami!” Shouta announced, going to take his seat back at the judging table.

Ami ran into the kitchen area, broke an egg on her head, stuffed an apple in her mouth, and jumped on a plate. “AMI MADE AMI SOUFFLE!”

“…can we eat that?” Hokuto whispered to Shouta, who shrugged.

“Get outta here, 765 Pro!” Touma shouted. “Your cooking stinks and I hate you!”

Ami chuckled and walked away, carrying the plate with her.

Next was Azusa. She was the picture of a domestic housewife in her apron, a smile on her face. She hustled around the kitchen area, breaking eggs and chopping vegetables, which she put into a small pan. When she had finished her cooking, there was a nice, egg-and-vegetable omelet sitting on a plate. She brought it to the judges.

“…I made an omelet~” she said pleasantly.

“I see that,” Shouta commented. He elbowed Hokuto, who was too busy staring at Azusa in an apron to actually eat the food. Hokuto cleared his throat and forced himself to look down at the omelet.

“I’m sure it’s delicious,” he decided.

Azusa grinned.

Touma stabbed the omelet with a fork, lifted it off the plate, and took a bite. Shouta sliced off a small bite, then ate all the rest. Hokuto ate the small bite left over.

Touma spat his bite of the omelet back on the plate. “You call that food?! Are you trying to poison us?! My grandmother can make better omelets than that!”

“Touma-kun,” Shouta began around a mouthful of food, “grandmothers have been cooking for children and grandchildren for years so of course they’d be good chefs.”

“Well, my grandmother has amnesia!”

“…really?”

“Yeah, as far as you know!”

“Stop shouting, Touma-kun…anyways, I think it’s delicious, Azusa-san~” Shouta praised.

Azusa smiled. “Thank you~”

“I think you’re delicious,” Hokuto muttered.

“What was that?”

“Nothing, my dear~”

“I give it a 2,” Touma muttered.

“Six!” Shouta yelped.

“Twenty-thousand for presentation,” Hokuto decided.

Azusa giggled and walked away.

“…what did Ami-chan get?” Shouta whispered.

“Zero,” Touma said.

“Oh, OK.”

Next was Chihaya. She looked extremely uncomfortable in the kitchen, but somehow she managed to find the bread. She popped it in the toaster, waited, and when it “dinged” she took the bread out and dropped it on a plate. She brought it to the judges.

“I made…toast.”

Touma stared at it. “…you made toast.”

“I don’t really know how to do much else.”

“…well, at least it’s safe,” Touma sighed. He lifted the toast and took a bite. “Crisp, the way I like it. But I still hate you. It’s bland! Where’s the butter?”

Shouta ate all the rest. “I like food~”

Chihaya blinked. “…Hokuto-san, do you want me to make you some more toast?” she asked.

“No, I’ll just make my own when I get home,” Hokuto assured her.

Chihaya shrugged. “My score.”

“Two!”

“Six~”

“I don’t know, I didn’t get to taste any…”

Chihaya shrugged again. “Bye.”

“Bye, Chihaya-chan~”

“KISARAGI.”

“Kisaragi-chaaaan~”

The next contestant was Haruka, who skillfully darted around the kitchen and made at least thirteen different kinds of sweets in under eight minutes. She brought plate after plate to the judges, most of which were eaten by Shouta, who ate so much that he got sick and passed out. He was replaced with Ritsuko’s cousin Ryo, who just so happened to be in the audience.

Touma sniffed her cherry pie. “…is this cherry?” he asked warily.

“Yep!” Haruka cheered. “Taste it, Touma-kun! I know you’ll like it!”

Touma poked it with his fork and ate some of it. “Hm…not bad. But I’m almost positive you poisoned it. You poisoned it, didn’t you?!” he gasped.

“No…” Haruka muttered. “…Ryo-chan, Hokuto-san, what do you think?”

Ryo blinked. “…How did I get involved in this…?”

“The reviewer asked specifically for male idols judging, so when Shouta-chan passed out the author thought of you. And now, the obligatory ‘even though you look like a girl’ statement.” Haruka smiled.

Ryo sighed. “Yes, I know I look like a girl, thank you…”

“So what do you think?”

“It’s delicious.”

“Thanks, I made it myself. Hokuto-san?”

Hokuto shrugged. “Not bad, but Azusa’s omelet had better presentation,” he explained.

Haruka blinked. “You’re just saying that because she was wearing a really short dress and an apron and that’s it.”

“Yes. Yes indeed.”

“So, my score?”

“…five.”

“Wait, we’re scoring them?”

“Nine. It was delicious, after all.”

Haruka giggled. “Thank you, guys! OK bye!” She took her trays and left.

Ryo blinked and turned to Hokuto. “We’re scoring them?”

“Yes. We score based on how much we hate or like the person cooking.”

Ryo nodded. “…so, that means Touma-san likes Haruka-san more than anyone else so far.”

“Sh-shut up, kid!”

“I-I’m sorry…!”

Next was Hibiki. She ran into the kitchen, flashed the judges a thumbs-up, and then got to work making a buffet of Okinawan food. She brought them her food.

“I know, I know, it’s perfect just like me,” Hibiki laughed. “Just gimme a ten and be done with it~”

Touma tried some of the soba she’d made. “This is your cooking? It tastes like oven-baked roadkill!” he barked. _I love this job._

“It does not, ya turd!” Hibiki snapped. “I didn’t even bake it in an oven! So there!”

“Does too!”

“Does not!”

“Does too!”

“Does not!”

“I think,” Ryo began, “that all food is delicious, but I don’t think I’ve ever had Okinawan food, and the way you make it is very tasty, Hibiki-san.”

Hibiki smiled and ruffled his hair. “Thanks, li’l buddy~” she trilled. “See? He likes it.”

Hokuto nodded. “You must admit it tastes delicious, Touma-kun,” he sighed.

“I’m not admitting anything,” Touma huffed stubbornly. Hibiki stuck her tongue out at him.

“So?” she pressed. “What’s my score?”

“Two! So ha!”

“Um…wait, what is our score scale?”

“One to ten, Ryo-chan. And I say an eight.”

Hibiki grinned. “Ha. That’s…wait a sec, what’s my score from Ryo?”

“Um…eight.”

“EIGHTEEN FOR ME FOOLS! WHOO!”

Hibiki ran away and was replaced with Iori, who looked confused.

“I have to cook my own food?” she muttered to herself. “How on Earth do you do that? Usually my chefs do it…OK, think, Iori. Make bread. You can make bread, right?”

She took the bread out of the refrigerator. She took out three plates and put one slice of bread on each, then slapped some butter on them and plopped it in front of the judges.

“Bread!” she declared.

Touma stared at it. “…bread. Not even toast. Just…bread?”

“Yes.”

“…well, it’s safe at least,” Touma sighed, taking a bite of the bread. Ryo had already finished his bread. Hokuto ate his more slowly.

Iori nodded slowly. “…I can’t cook…”

“I can see that,” Touma mumbled “You get a two, you peasant!”

“I-I’m not a peasant, you peasant!”

“I think you get a four,” Ryo announced.

“Three,” Hokuto said.

“Ha! You only got a nine total!” Touma scoffed.

“Shut up, soccer boy!”

“S-soccer is a very masculine sport!”

“Yeah, and I’m a peasant!”

“You ARE a peasant!”

“Shut up, you peasant!”

“FOREHEAD!’

“OH, THAT’S IT!”

The screen went black for about thirty seconds while staff separated the fighting idols. When it showed the show again, Touma was standing up off the floor and righting his chair.

Hokuto cleared his throat. “…next, please.”

The sound of hysterical laughter rang from the backstage area. Whoever was laughing snorted and kept laughing. Hokuto realized it must have been Makoto. Slowly, the boyish girl emerged from backstage, clutching her stomach with one hand and leaning lazily against the doorpost. She was still laughing. She held out a finger to the judges and composed herself after snorting again.

“…sorry, that was just…you know? It’s Iori, and then peasants, and Touma got beat up, and she got beat up, and it’s just…you know?”

“I love you,” Hokuto called.

“I hate you. OK, so…I’m supposed to cook something, right?’ Makoto questioned.

“Hi, Makoto-san,” Ryo said quietly.

Makoto waved. “Hey, Ryo~. What happened to Shouta?”

“Oh, he ate too many sweets and passed out.”

“Oh, OK. Alright. Time to figure out what I can do.”

The judges waited while Makoto paced around the kitchen, apparently convinced that if you stared at ingredients on a table long enough, they would magically become food. After a moment, she chuckled nervously and scratched her neck with one hand.

“…I have no idea how to cook,” she realized. “No one ever taught me.”

“Iori-san didn’t know either,” Ryo reminded her. “I don’t think Chihaya-san did.”

“I’ll help you!” Hokuto promised.

“Don’t help the enemy!” Touma hissed, but he was too late. Hokuto was already in the kitchen area with Makoto, his arms around her waist, guiding her hands to make some sort of delicious foreign meal, no doubt. Makoto was blushing like crazy and seemed ready to slap him in the face, but she allowed herself to receive the help, which was smart considering this was a cooking show and he was the only one of the two of them who actually knew how to cook.

“Here, you just stir it lightly now…”

“L-like this?”

“More like…there, now you have it~”

“G-get your arms off of me…!”

Touma turned to Ryo. “They disgust me,” he stated.

Ryo blushed and muttered something.

“What was that?”

Ryo mumbled it again.

“I can’t hear you, stupid! Speak up!”

“I SAID SHE’S MINE, OK?!”

Touma blinked. Hokuto and Makoto turned slowly.

Ryo’s blush deepened. “…and, by ‘she’ I meant, Ritsuko-neechan, and by ‘mine’ I meant my cousin,” he lied.

“Oh, that makes sense.”

“Have fun with your cousin.”

“Stupid kid.”

Makoto and Hokuto (really just Hokuto, since he was doing all the work) finished “their” meal and Makoto carried it to the judges.

“…I’ve been told this was some kind of Italian meal,” she announced. “Here, you can try some.”

“It’s delicious,” Hokuto decided without tasting any.

“That’s because you made it,” Makoto sighed.

“So you’re saying my cooking is delicious?”

“W-what? Well…i-it is awfully tasty…”

“Not as tasty as you.”

“…what does that even mean?!”

“That I love you.”

“…Hokuto-san, shut up.”

Touma took a bite. “It’s delicious,” he agreed. “But you get a zero since all you did was sit there and let Hokuto flirt with you.”

“He was flirting?” Makoto cocked her head. Her cheeks reddened and a smile spread across her face. “…ah, so that’s it, then…even someone like him…ehehe~”

Touma rolled his eyes. Ryo blinked and tried some of the Italian meal, which was some kind of pasta, but nobody but Hokuto and me knew what kind.

“They were right, it is delicious!” he gasped. “Hokuto-san, you’re a really good chef!”

“But of course,” Hokuto chimed. “I give us a ten.”

“But,” Ryo resumed, “since Hokuto-san really did do all the work I’m afraid I’ll have to give you a zero or some other low score like a one…”

Makoto frowned and leaned over the table at him until their faces were so close she could lean her forehead on his. “Are you sure you couldn’t give me a higher score?” she cooed. Ryo’s face turned bright red.

“Ah, um, well, if you put it like that then I suppose maybe…m-maybe I could up your score a little, to, maybe…a thirty-six or something…” he muttered.

Makoto giggled and drew back. “You guys saw that, right? I just bribed someone with my girly charms~”

“Get outta here, stupid man-woman,” Touma snapped.

“What did you say?!” Makoto lashed, slamming her fist on the table.

“You heard me! You little tomboy!”

“Oh, that’s it!”

“Bring it on!”

The screen went black again while staff attempted to separate the two, but Makoto punched them in the face so they had to just wait things out. There was a loud, girly screech, and then Makoto had drawn back, her arms flung across her chest.

“Jerk!” she whined. “T-to hit me in such a place…! Y-you cheater!”

“What?! You gotta problem?!”

“Yeah, with your attitude!”

“Well, I gotta problem with your FACE!’

“I don’t,” Hokuto and Ryo said at the same time.

Makoto scrambled to her feet. “You perv!” she snapped, running off backstage. Hokuto looked at Touma.

“What did you do?”

“I think…I accidentally hit her in the breast.”

“W-what? But…I-I wanted to be the first one to touch her breast…”

“I-I didn’t touch her! I accidentally hit her! And besides, she punched me in the nose.”

“…is it soft?”

“W-what…?! Hokuto, don’t be stupid. I told you I just hit her! Accidentally! Key word there being _accidentally_ , stupid.”

Ryo squirmed. “…even if that hadn’t happened, Hokuto-san, you still wouldn’t have been the first…”

“You got to it first too?! …Well, darn.”

“I-it’s not my fault! I-I thought she was a boy!”

“…well, is it soft?”

“…actually, yes, even though she’s flat…”

“Can Mami PLEASE give you her Mami Soup now?!” Mami shouted from her place in a giant cauldron.

The three bickering judges looked over.

“…what is that?” Touma spat.

“It’s Mami Soup!” Mami answered triumphantly. “I just know you boys would like a taste~. Ohoho…ohohoho…OHOHO~!”

“…someone get her out of here,” Touma muttered to a staff member. The staff nodded and dragged Mami and her cauldron off the stage.

Miki hopped in, made onigiri, ate it, and then made some more for the judges. “Onigiri~nano!”

Touma ate one. “…what flavor is this?” he asked.

“Miki’s Love flavored!” Miki squeaked.

“Ew,” Touma mumbled. “Well, it’s OK but I think—”

Miki lurched forwards and kissed him.

“…you get a five.”

Miki giggled.

“Five,” Hokuto decided.

“Um…five…?”

“Miki gets fifteen!” Miki called.

“I GOT EIGHTEEN, FOOLS!” Hibiki shouted back.

Miki ran off the stage. Ritsuko came in, put some leftovers on a plate, and heated it up.

“Food.”

Hokuto shrugged and ate some. Ryo was about to eat some when Shouta suddenly ran in, picked him up, and threw him back into the audience.

“Hi guys~! I’m back~! Didja miss me~?” he squealed.

“Welcome,” Hokuto greeted.

Touma grunted.

Ryo squeaked in pain and slowly made his way back to his seat.

Shouta ate the leftovers after Touma had taken a bite. “I give it a seven!”

“Two.”

“Four~”

Ritsuko nodded and left. Next was Takane, who made some kind of German food and gave it to the judges. Touma was too terrified of Takane to actually eat any of it, and Shouta ate all the rest, so Hokuto got none.

“…Ten,” Touma uttered, hoping to appease Takane by giving her a high score.

Takane grinned.

“Eight!” Shouta cheered.

“I didn’t get any again…” Hokuto muttered. “But you get a ten for presentation.”

Takane blinked, shrugged, and walked away. Yayoi took her place. She whipped up a delicious-looking meal consisting of mostly bean sprouts and placed it in front of the judges. Hokuto took the first bite this time and nodded slowly. Touma took a bite and grunted. Shouta ate the rest and shouted, “TEN!”

“Four,” Touma declared. After all, the food was prepared awfully well. He had to give Yayoi credit for her skills. “But I still hate you.”

Yayoi whimpered.

“Nine,” Hokuto said. “Very good, Yayoi-chan. You’re a good cook.”

“Thank you!” Yayoi yelped.

She ran backstage and Yukiho came out. She immediately made some tea, drank it, made some more, and brought it to the judges.

“Tea…!”

Shouta blinked, shrugged, and drank his cup. “If we were judging drinks I’d give it a…ten.”

Hokuto drank his tea. “Seven for taste, ninety-nine for presentation. You are both lovely and adorable.”

Yukiho squeaked.

“Two,” Touma announced.

“OK…! Th-thank you…!”

“OK now!” Shouta jumped up. “Time to figure out the winner! And the winner is…drumroll please…”

The audience patted on their thighs; all but Ryo, whose thighs were still too bruised.

“OK! The winner is Azusa-san, with 20,008! Second place is Yukiho-chan with one-hundred-eleven! Third is Makoto-chan with forty-six! Last place was Ami-chan and Mami-chan with zero! Thank you for coming!”

The audience cheered.

“And remember…your cooking stinks, and we hate you! Goodnight!” Shouta yelled. The screen went black and the program ended.

The end.

 


	10. Your Singing Stinks and So Do You Part 3

 

**Your Singing Stinks and So Do You Part 3**

 

“For this next round I am going to assign you groups and a song, and you will sing it,” Chihaya announced. “I will judge based on how you do.”

“I think I should sing with Yukiho,” Makoto decided.

“No. I will choose randomly from this hat,” Chihaya corrected her. She reached into the hat full of papers that had suddenly appeared on her desk, and drew out a name. “The first group will be…Ganaha-san…”

Hibiki jumped forwards.

“…Shijou-san…”

Takane calmly took a step up.

“…and Hagiwara-san,” Chihaya concluded.

Yukiho slowly moved forwards.

Chihaya nodded. “Iori, Makoto, and Azusa-san, you three are the other group. Now, for the group consisting of Shijou-san, Ganaha-san, and Hagiwara-san, your song will be…”

The idols waited while Chihaya fished around in a different hat that had also suddenly appeared on her table.

“…Tonari Ni.”

Hibki cried out in excitement. “Bro, I’ve totally got this!”

Chihaya sighed. “We’ll see. The other group, your song is…”

Iori swallowed hard. Makoto gripped Azusa’s hand in anticipation. Azusa just smiled.

“…Overmaster.”

Iori and Makoto let out a loud cheer.

“Finally, a way to show you my versatility!” Iori laughed. “Watch the mighty Iori-chan succeed right before your very eyes!”

“And at last, a song I can actually show my strength on!” Makoto agreed. “Thanks, Chihaya! You’re the best~”

Chihaya shook her head. “Thank the unseen hand of destiny, not me. Anyways…split off into your groups and sing for me. I’ll pick the top four and we’ll go from there,” she ordered. Immediately, the girls separated into their groups and prepared their song.

Chihaya waited until the first group, the one consisting of Takane, Yukiho and Hibiki, was on the stage. The music guy played his music and the group sang.

Chihaya nodded slowly. Both Takane and Hibiki brought a power to the song that Chihaya thought made it sound more full of emotion and overall better. Yukiho, too, sounded beautiful in the song—but unfortunately, the quiet, soft, breathy voice of the shy idol was almost completely drowned out by the pure emotion of the other two singers. She would get a harsh reprimanding for that.

The group finished and Chihaya nodded again. “Ganaha-san, you sounded beautiful. The beginning was shaky and you seemed awkward, but you had no trouble after that. Shijou-san, you have such a gorgeous voice and it flowed very nicely in this song. I like the power you showed me. Hagiwara-san…” Chihaya sighed. “I…you sounded lovely, don’t get me wrong, but…when the three of you sang together I could barely hear you. You didn’t capture the emotion I would have liked from you. And…it was a little husky again.”

Yukiho whimpered and nodded. Hibiki and Takane grinned. Chihaya sighed again.

“Next.”

The next group bounded onto the stage, Iori and Makoto seeming especially excited. The music playing guy did as he was told and the groups sang.

Chihaya admired the strategy of the group; Iori was the main singer, meaning she started things off nice and strong and brought to Chihaya a strength the older idol greatly appreciated. Makoto was arranged to take parts where the deepness and power of her voice would be better received, and Azusa?

Azusa got the part with the least solos possible. Because, to put it frankly, Azusa sounded like an angel, and this was a song for demons. Chihaya thought she sounded out-of-place and awkward, especially when she sang right after a singer like Makoto, who had a much stronger voice. Even Iori had a deeper, huskier voice that contrasted very well with both of her song-mates.

The group finished and Chihaya applauded lightly. “Iori. Iori, that was…frankly, I’m blown away. I didn’t know you had that kind of power in you. You’ve proven that you’re versatile. But it was too husky for you, it sounded quite awkward, and you seemed a bit…unsure. Very nice work, though.”

Iori beamed. “Nihihi~! But of course.”

“Makoto, it was nice to hear this side of you again,” Chihaya continued.

Makoto smiled triumphantly.

“For a moment, I’d forgotten the power you had.”

Makoto giggled.

“But it was…too much. You almost completely overpowered your teammates, and it was just a little over-the-top. I think you could stand to be more reserved and less…belch-y. You know?”

Makoto sighed. “Of course there was something wrong…”

Chihaya looked at Azusa. “…Azusa-san.”

Azusa blinked.

“Azusa-san, you…” Chihaya trailed off. “OK, I could barely hear you, there was way too much vibrato, your voice was high-pitched and squeaky and too soft and light, and…it just didn’t work. I’m sorry.”

Azusa nodded. “I understand, Chihaya-chan. I’ll be going, then~” she trilled. She bowed quickly to Chihaya and then left.

Chihaya examined the rest of the idols. “…Makoto and Hagiwara-san, step forwards,” she called.

Yukiho squeaked and stepped forwards. Makoto sighed and joined her.

“The two of you…both of you seemed a little…out of place, in your groups. I don’t know which one of you I liked the most. So…I’m going to randomly select a song for each of you. I want you to sing it to the best of your ability. And…then I’ll decide based on that,” Chihaya explained. “Hagiwara-san, your song is…” She paused, reached into the song hat, and pulled out a paper. “…Shiny Smile.”

Yukiho smiled. “Yes, Chihaya-chan…! I-I’ll do my best!”

“Makoto.”

Makoto gulped and started muttering to herself, crossing her fingers for good luck.

Again, Chihaya reached into the hat. “Your song is…Kyun! Vampire Girl.”

Makoto let out a loud cry of excitement. “Yes! I’m good at that song!”

Chihaya looked at Yukiho. “Hagiwara-san, you go first,” she invited Yukiho. The shy girl stepped forwards and waited for her music to start. She sang through the song and Chihaya smiled. Yukiho sounded much stronger without sounding too strong. It was very cute, she thought. When Yukiho finished, she sent her to the back while Makoto took her place onstage and sang her song.

Chihaya found herself trying not to gape during Makoto’s performance. There it was again, that singing voice that sounded much better and easily hit notes and even had a bit of vibrato sometimes and even sounded sexy, which was weird considering this was Makoto and she wasn’t exactly known for being the sexiest girl on the planet. She sounded very natural with the song as well, which Chihaya liked.

So yet again, she was stuck.

“…Makoto, I hate you.”

“W-w-what…?!”

“You’re not supposed to be able to sing. Stop doing so well.”

“O…oh…kay…?”

“Hagiwara-san. Where.”

“…um…”

“Where did this stronger voice come from? Where was it in Tonari Ni? In other words, I can’t decide who I like more, again, so…” Chihaya sighed. “I…I don’t know, just—”

“MAKOTO WINS!”

Chihaya whirled and spotted a lone woman in the audience, around her early twenties, with short brown hair and choppy bangs. Chihaya raised an eyebrow.

“Who are you?”

“I’m the author!” the woman laughed. “In other words, I’m Grace with a haircut! Ya like it~?”

“…wait, what?”

“Makoto wins because she has a voice from heaven and I love her,” the author, who is really me, who is named Grace, continued.

Chihaya blinked. “But…I…the judge…or whatever, and I’m…supposed to…um…”

“I AM THE AUTHOR. MAKOTO WINS. No offence Yukiho, your best friend is just better than you.”

Chihaya blinked again.

“Plus,” the author/me/Grace began, “Kyun is honestly one of Makoto’s best ever in-game songs. She sounds like a…vampire angel demon sexy princess beast.”

“Wait…what?”

“Makoto. Is. The. Winner.”

“OK, OK…Makoto, you win,” Chihaya sighed.

“I promised myself I wouldn’t let personal feelings get in the way of this competition…” I murmured to myself. “…ah, to heck with it, you were stuck anyways. Sorry Yukiho, honey, better luck next time.”

Yukiho squeaked and left the stage while Makoto stared at me in utter bewilderment.

Chihaya shook her head. “Yeah, so…the final four is Makoto, Shijou-san, Iori, and Hibiki. Good luck to you all. I have a surprise for you next time.”

“Author OUT!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why, yes, innocent reader. I AM desperately in love with Makoto. Thank you for noticing.  
> But seriously, her Kyun! Vampire Girl is one of the best of the idols. It's so good.
> 
> *ahem* Yes, this chapter was biased. But the rest aren't, and seriously, I was stuck anyways. So...yeah.
> 
> *Previous disclaimer still applies. ...for the most part.*


	11. Tuth or Dar

 

**Tuth or Dar**

 

“Hey, hey! Iorin! Iorin~! IIIIoooooriiiin~! IORIN!”

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”

“Ami thinks we should play tutu or dart!”

“Eh?” Mami bounced up beside her younger twin sister and jostled her lightly. “But Ami, it’s called tuth or dar.”

“Truth or dare, you mean?” Iori responded.

“Tuth or dar,” Mami repeated. “It’s like this, Iorin…truth or dare is when you ask, ‘truth or dare?’ and then the person you asks responds and stuff, but tuth or dar is when you scream ‘BLEEEH’ and pelt someone with dodgeballs against their will, even if they would have chosen truth! Or something like that.”

“So, basically…it’s a dare no matter what,” Iori said.

“Benjamin!”

“You mean bingo?”

“No, Mami means Benjamin.” Mami smiled.

“…why?”

“Mami doesn’t know.”

Iori gave in with a sigh. “Fine, fine, but we can’t play with only three people…” she muttered.

“Du dudu DU!” Ami shouted. “AMI RECRUITED FRIENDS!”

“…who?”

Ami picked up Yayoi and Shouta from out of nowhere. “These guys!” she announced.

Iori blinked. “How did you…what?”

“Hn fu fu~”

“Hn fu fu~ indeed~”

“…huh?”

Ami and Mami threw Iori on the ground and sat on either side of her. Yayoi sat next to Mami and Shouta took the last spot in the circle.

“So, we’re playing tuth or dar,” Ami explained. “Otherwise known as…Dare or Death.”

“You get a dare…or we eat you,” Mami finished.

Yayoi squirmed.

“OK! So, Mami will go first…Iorin!”

Iori sighed. “OK, what?”

“Iorin, tuth or dar?”

Iori shrugged. “Um…tuth,” she decided.

“I tuth you to eat this…CANNED BREAD!”

“W-what?! But…canned bread is gross and poor-people-y! No offence, Yayoi,” Iori added to Yayoi, who nodded. “And besides, I-I said tuth!”

“Tuth means canned bread in Ameh-Mameh-nese,” Ami said, smiling.

Iori blinked. “But…I…wait…what?”

Ami and Mami handed her Canned Bread.

Iori stared at it. She whimpered.

“OK fine!” she huffed. “Somebody open it for me!”

Shouta vanished into the kitchen and returned a moment later with a can opener. He opened the Canned Bread and Iori dumped it into her hand. She began to eat.

“This is…disgusting!”

“Iori-chan,” Yayoi began, “I think Canned Bread is delicious.” She smiled.

“Well, you’re poor! Peasants think everything is delicious! They can’t afford to be picky!” Iori whined. She finished her Canned Bread and winced. “Ew…OK, um…Yayoi. Tuth…or dar?”

“Dar!” Yayoi exclaimed.

“I dar you to…listen to whatever the twins say,” Iori decided.

“MAKE OUT WITH SHOUTANYAN FOR THIRTY-EIGHT MINUTES!” Mami ordered.

Yayoi squeaked. “Th-that’s more than half an hour..!”

“How about thirty-eight seconds?” Shouta suggested.

“…fine,” Mami relented. “Now go!”

Shouta shrugged. “Well?”

Yayoi squeaked again.

Shouta laughed. “OK, here we go!” He leaned in and pressed his lips to Yayoi’s. The latter squeaked one more time, but eventually relaxed. After the required thirty-eight seconds, they separated. Shouta was grinning and Yayoi looked like someone had dumped red paint all over her face. The twins snickered in unison.

“Alrighty! Yayoicchi, your turn!” Ami laughed.

“O-OK. Um…Ami-chan,” Yayoi decided.

“Dar,” Ami said immediately.

“I dar you to go a whole week without saying or doing anything weird or dirty.”

“But…b-but weird and dirty things are what makes Ami…well, Ami! Without them Ami is just…Yayoicchi and Iorin’s baby mixed with a hint of Azusa-oneechan!” Ami whined.

“Well, then I guess you lose,” Yayoi said, shrugging.

Ami whimpered and sighed. “Alright, you win. Ami will not do anything weird or dirty for a whole entire week.”

Yayoi seemed pleased. “Your turn, Ami-chan~!”

Ami nodded. “Um…Shoutanyan! Tuth or dar?”

“Hm, no matter what I say it’ll be a dare…tuth,” Shouta decided.

“AMI TUTHS YOU TO TELL THE TUTH!”

“You mean truth—”

“No.”

“…alright. What am I telling the tuth about?”

“Do you liiiike Yayoicchi~?” Ami snickered.

“Yes,” Shouta answered without hesitation. “Iori-chan~! Tuth or dar?”

Iori grumbled to herself while the twins exchanged a stupid look and Yayoi blushed immensely. “Dar.”

“I dar you to put on rags and sit on the floor without a pillow for the rest of the game.”

Iori gasped and looked down at the comfy pillow she was seated on. “B-but…without the pillow I’ll be sitting on the GROUND! The dirty, filthy GROUND! And…and rags?!”

Shouta shrugged.

“Forget it. There’s just no way,” Iori huffed.

Ami grabbed her arm and bit it. Mami bit her leg. Iori squealed.

“W-w-what the heck are you two doing…?!”

“Iorin, we said we were gonna eat you if you didn’t do the dare,” Ami pouted. She gnawed on Iori’s forearm some more.

“Ow…! …OK, OK, I’ll do it! Geez…” Iori shook her arm and leg out of the twins’ mouths and wiped them furiously on the couch as if it would clean the slobber off. “Yayoi, let me borrow your clothes.”

“My…my clothes aren’t rags—”

“GIVE ME YOUR CLOTHES!”

“Y-YES MA’AM…!”

The two scrambled into the kitchen where they switched clothes. Iori came back in, muttering angrily to herself, and picked up her pillow. She placed it back on the couch before sitting on the ground, wincing when her butt hit the floor.

“Ew, ew, ew…ewww…!”

Ami, Mami, and Shouta laughed. Yayoi gaped in awe at her rich-person clothes.

Iori shuddered in disgust. “OK, Iori…you can do this. Mami, tuth or whatever?”

“Dar.”

Iori nodded. “I dar you to relinquish the other dar.”

Mami shook her head. “No can do, Iorin,” she sighed.

“Yeah, making a dar like that is against the rules,” Ami added.

“There are RULES in this game?!” Iori gasped.

Mami and Ami shrugged.

Iori sighed. “Fine, I dar you to…lick your elbow.”

Mami tried. “…Mami can’t.”

“Well, keep trying.”

She tried again. “Mami…Mami can’t, she’s trying but…maybe if…no…”

Iori grinned smugly. “Keep trying~”

Mami whimpered and tried again, and again, and again. She tried sticking her elbow straight out and leaning down, she tried bending it and leaning forwards…nothing worked. At last, she let out a loud whine and faced Iori.

Iori shrugged. “Well, you tried,” she murmured. “But you didn’t actually complete the dar.”

Mami nodded. “…That’s because that’s implausible!”

“Impossible.”

“No wonder Mami can’t do it!”

“Mami is excused from her dar,” Ami decided, “because it’s implausible.”

“Impossible!”

Mami grinned. “Ami, tuth or dar?”

“Dar!” her sister insisted.

“Mami dars you to eat a whole can of—”

“Brussels sprouts…?!”

“What? No…Mami was gonna say tuna.”

“Oh.” Ami smiled. “OK.”

She vanished into the kitchen and returned a minute later with an open can of tuna and a fork. The others watched as she munched dutifully at the fish until it was all gone. She then turned to Yayoi.

“Yayoicchi, tuth or dar?” she asked.

Yayoi shrugged. “Um…tuth, I guess,” she said.

“Ami tuths you to…go stick your head in a toilet.”

“…ew…” Yayoi shivered.

Ami giggled.

Yayoi looked at Iori, who was shaking in fear and hoping the game would be over soon so she wouldn’t get another dare from the twins.

Yayoi finally sighed, stood up and walked away towards the bathroom, singing “Toilet no Kami-sama” to herself as she went. The twins heard a splash, a small gurgling noise, and then nothing. Yayoi returned with a wet face and wet hair, carrying a towel. Ami applauded her.

Yayoi began to dry herself off. “Shouta-chan!”

“Yes ma’am!” Shouta cheered.

“Tuth or dar?”

“Um…dar!”

“I dar you to let the twins give you a makeover~”

“OK~” Shouta looked at the twins, who exchanged an evil grin. “…wait, what does ‘makeover’ mean to you two…?!”

Instead of answering, the twins dragged him into an empty room. Mami came back out and got a basket of supplies, then went back inside.

Iori and Yayoi listened.

“H-hold on, what exactly IS that thing anyways…? Why are you putting it near my face? WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE OLD LADIES?! W-WAAAIT~”

Yayoi laughed.

“Nihihi~!” Iori giggled. “That was a nice one, Yayoi.”

“Thank you,” Yayoi trilled.

After about ten minutes, the twins dragged a very feminine-looking, very beautified Shouta back into the room. Shouta faceplanted onto the floor.

“…I feel like a girl.”

“You look like a girl too,” Iori offered.

Shouta huffed loudly. “Can we be done now?”

“Sure, Ami thinks the chapter’s long enough.”

“Hey!”

Ami looked over at an angry-looking Makoto who had magically appeared in the room two seconds ago.

“Breaking the fourth wall is my thing! It’s like…what I do! Haven’t you read ‘The Fantabumendous Mis-adventures of the Spectacular Trio’ and its sequel?” the boyish idol complained.

Ami shrugged, which seemed to be everyone’s favorite pastime today. “Sorry, Makochin. Ami didn’t realize you were here.”

“Dude, this author can stick people wherever she wants whenever she wants. Theoretically, I’m always here. It’s part of the randomness of her writing style. Don’t you guys read any of her other fanfics?”

Iori looked towards the readers, wherever they are. “Well, congratulations, fourth wall. You’ve officially been smashed to pieces.”

Makoto smiled triumphantly. Ami chuckled.

“…well, bye guys.”

“Bye, Makochin~”

Makoto vanished in a puff of pink smoke. Iori shook her head.

“…can we please be done?” she whined. “All this fourth-wall-breaking is giving me a headache.”

“Sure, as soon as the author ends the chapter.”

“Would you stop it?!”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor fourth wall.
> 
> Anyways, this was another request, I forget from who, with my own little flair. I'm actually quite satisfied.
> 
> Also, The Fantabumendous Mis-Adventures of the Spectacular Trio and its sequel, The Greatbulous Mis-Adventures of the Stupendous Trio, are actual books of mine that I may post here one day. It centers around Makoto, Yukiho, and that OC Sora from the...fourth chapter. Or whatever chapter the Yukiho date one was.


	12. Your Singing Stinks and So Do You Part 4

 

**Your Singing Stinks and So Do You Part 4**

 

Chihaya performed the Rubber Pencil Trick out of boredom. She was currently trying to decide what to do for the next round of her “game-show”, Your Singing Stinks and So Do You.

So far, she’d let the competitors sing solo, in groups, and, most recently, in pre-decided groups singing a pre-decided song.

As she was pondering things, Haruka suddenly walked up beside her and sat on her desk. “Hi, Chihaya-chan!”

“You’re out of the competition, you know,” Chihaya said quietly.

“Yeah, but I just wanted to say ‘hi’,” Haruka admitted with a nervous giggle. “So how’s the competition going?”

“Actually, could I ask you something?” Chihaya began suddenly.

“Sure…”

“What do you think I should do for the next round of competition?”

Haruka thought about it, displaying her “nonowa” face. After thinking for a while, she suddenly let out a loud cry and leaned down to whisper with Chihaya. Chihaya’s smile grew larger with every word.

 

***X***

 

The remaining four contestants—Shijou Takane, Minase Iori, Kikuchi Makoto, and Ganaha Hibiki—were currently assembled on the large stage, waiting for their instructions for the next round. Chihaya was smiling, which was rare in itself, but what amused the contestants was how excited she looked about this upcoming section.

“I’m going to explain this round,” she announced. “For this round of competition, you will sing in trios.”

“Again?” Iori muttered.

“With contestants who have already been voted off.”

“Huh…that’s new.”

Chihaya nodded fervently. “You may choose your song and your group, and I will judge based on how you do individually, and how you do with your group as a whole. Go ahead and assemble your unit,” she invited. The contestants who had already been eliminated walked onto the stage for the current contestants to choose from.

Makoto was the first one to make a move. She whispered to herself, pointing at some of her options, and then a huge, catlike grin spread across her face and she rushed over to Haruka and Mami, dragging the two away while whispering excitedly.

Chihaya found the choice odd. Makoto knew that Chihaya wasn’t a fan of her voice to begin with. She also knew that Chihaya really didn’t like the twins’ voices at all. And, as much as the blue-haired songstress loved Haruka, her voice wasn’t exactly the best either. So what could Makoto’s reasons be for assembling such a ragtag group of mediocre singers? This was the semifinal round, so the slightest misstep could cost you everything.

She was equally surprised when, just a second later, Iori squealed in delight and grabbed hold of Yayoi and Ami. Iori certainly had a good voice, but she wasn’t the best in the semifinals. And Yayoi and Ami both had rather obnoxious voices. Chihaya had to wonder what was going on in the heads of these competitors.

Takane then approached Ritsuko and spoke with her for a little bit. The female producer nodded, and the duo approached Miki. The three of them spoke for a minute, then turned and left together.

Hibiki was left with Yukiho and Azusa. She shrugged, trotted over to them, and then chattered away. Then Hibiki grabbed her group’s hands and they walked offstage.

Chihaya sighed. This was going to be an odd round of competition.

The first group to come out onstage was the one consisting of Iori, Ami, and Yayoi. They smiled at Chihaya.

Chihaya nodded at them. “Well?”

“Watch how awesome we are!” Ami ordered. “We’re gonna sing—”

“Otona no Hajimari!” Iori cut in. “Ready, and…”

The group began their song while the music-playing guy did what he got paid to do and pressed a button, starting their music.

Chihaya listened, amused. It was a cute song (albeit a little weird sometimes) which fit the group well. And as much as Chihaya liked Iori’s voice in the song, the other two…

They sounded good. All-around, she liked the song choice and the group choice. Still, Chihaya had said she would rate them based on the vocal talents of the group as a whole as well as individually.

She waited for them to finish before opening her mouth. “That was well-chosen and well put-together.”

Iori grinned. “Nihihi~, of course…”

“Iori, your voice sounded smooth, but it was cute. It was a nice fit.”

Iori beamed.

“However…”

The tsundere idol’s smile faded.

Chihaya sighed. “Ami and Yayoi, you two…it was cute, and you suited the song well, but in terms of vocal talent you two left a lot to be desired,” she explained. “It was like…you suited the song itself, but you didn’t really sing well.”

Ami muttered something. Yayoi looked like she was trying not to cry.

“Even so,” Chihaya continued, “I think you did well. We’ll see.”

The trio nodded and hustled offstage. Takane and her group came out next.

“Greetings, Kisaragi Chihaya,” Takane stated.

“Hello, Shijou-san,” Chihaya returned, dipping her head in respect. “I look forward to hearing you perform.”

Takane smiled. “Thank you for your words,” she said. “This song is called We Just Started.” She glanced at the music-playing guy, who played the music. The groups began to sing, with Miki starting things off.

Chihaya listened, noting that of the three group members, Takane got the least solos. Still, her voice came through very well when the group sang together. Chihaya thought they sounded very nice.

Miki’s voice sounded very smooth with the song, which Chihaya liked. She blended well with her group members too. Ritsuko, on the other hand, seemed a bit too powerful for the song. Chihaya liked her vocal talent, but felt she had to tie up some loose ends. The fact that she got an equal number of solos with Miki didn’t help much. Still, her voice was smooth enough, and the three of them did well. Chihaya decided Takane would definitely move on.

When they finished, Chihaya shifted in her chair and looked at them. “Shijou-san, your singing was excellent as usual. My only complaint is that I would have liked to hear more from you.”

Takane smiled and bowed gratefully.

“Miki, I liked your voice with this song. It was smooth and powerful and you blended with your group members very well.”

Miki giggled. “Thanks, Chihaya~!” she cheered.

Chihaya nodded. “Ritsuko-san…I liked it, but you were too powerful. Your voice was a little shaky at times, and it seemed too…belt-y. I do, however, think you blended well with the others, and the kind of song it was called for at least a bit of power. I’m well pleased with your group,” she concluded.

Ritsuko looked satisfied. She nodded.

Chihaya dismissed them with a wave of her hand, allowing Hibiki’s group to come onstage.

Briefly, Chihaya wondered if this was some sort of strategy; to first send out Iori’s OK group, followed by Takane’s splendid vocals, then Hibiki’s fantastic trio, and then the mediocre and likely horrifying group consisting of Makoto, Haruka, and the dreaded Futami Mami.

She didn’t dwell on the thought, though; Hibiki was waiting. “Go on.”

“So, we’re singin’ Melted Snow. ‘Cept, the way it matched up, normally Yukiho an’ I would be singin’ the same part. So I learned the lead part, no problemo! It wasn’t much to learn anyways~”

Chihaya smiled. She liked the fact that Hibiki had the guts to learn a whole new part, and the lead part, at that. It also meant that Hibiki, the main singer in this group, would get more solos than the other two.

“Alright,” she pressed, “go ahead and sing.”

Hibiki grinned. The music was started, and when the appropriate time came, the group started to sing.

True to her word, Hibiki had memorized the lead part in the song. Chihaya herself normally sang this part, so it was quite risky for Hibiki to be taking it. Chihaya found herself really appreciating the vocals in the song, though. Hibiki’s voice brought the power Chihaya usually brought, while Yukiho and Azusa handled the softer parts.

It was beautiful, Chihaya thought. It was really beautiful.

They finished and Chihaya offered a bit of applause. “I’m very impressed,” she admitted. “While it was a bit shaky at times, the three of you sounded really good together and the song was very beautiful. I don’t really have anything else to say.”

Hibiki squealed in excitement. Yukiho beamed. Azusa smiled pleasantly.

“Thanks, Chihya!” Hibiki cheered. “I knew I wouldn’t let ya down!”

“Chihaya,” Chihaya corrected.

“No.”

Hibiki took her group backstage. Makoto’s group came out.

Chihaya concluded that the order of the groups had definitely been a strategic move.

“Just walk off my stage,” Chihaya ordered. The previously bright smiles on the contestant’s faces vanished.

“You haven’t even heard us sing yet!” Makoto complained.

Chihaya pointed at Mami. “She CAN’T sing,” she declared, “Haruka’s voice shakes like an earthquake, and you STILL sound like a dying gorilla riding a mentally ill horse through a squirrel-infested forest of whales choking on walruses. I don’t want to listen to that.”

Mami looked mad. Haruka was trembling. Makoto was visibly angry.

In fact, the boyish idol was so angry that she stomped right down to Chihaya’s desk and slammed her fist on the table. Chihaya jumped in shock.

“You listen to me, Chihaya,” she half-hissed. “We have prepared this song for a long time, working on our vocals, so that we could impress you. I have proven myself to you over and over, and you still won’t even allow me a fighting chance? I’m not gonna sit still and let you make fun of us anymore! You hardly ever pay attention to us singing our best songs because you’re so dang focused on your own stuff! So you are going to let us sing, you are going to listen, and you are going to like it! Do you understand me?!”

Chihaya only blinked. She hadn’t expected Makoto to go off on her like that. “…I—”

“I asked you if you understood!” Makoto snapped.

“Go Makochin~!” Mami cheered. Haruka seemed stiff and nervous, but she was smiling.

Chihaya blinked again. “…um…right.” She coughed. “…please go sing now. You’re rather intimidating up close.”

Makoto narrowed her eyes at Chihaya, then spun with a huff and walked back onstage. Chihaya cleared her throat.

“Right, um…what is it you’ll be singing?”

“Hatsukoi ~Yonshou Unmei no Eve~.”

“Your Hatsukoi song? I’ve never heard it.”

“Exactly.” Makoto looked over at the music-playing guy, then at Haruka and Mami. Mami grabbed Haruka’s hand and gave it a squeeze, which seemed to reassure the older girl enough to get her to relax.

The music started and when the time came, the group began to sing.

Chihaya struggled to keep from throwing something at them. Not because they were bad, but because, once again, they were _good_. Really, really good. All three of them amazed her with their versatility and the beauty of their voices in the song. Even Mami sounded absolutely wonderful; her vocals were soft and rather smooth.

And Makoto.

Makoto once again blew Chihaya away with her vocal talent. All this time, the songstress had listened to the bad sides of her co-worker and had never really heard the good. But now, in this sad, emotional ballad, Chihaya could hear the pure emotion that came through the power in Makoto’s voice. Her voice flowed almost perfectly over all the notes, even the higher ones.

And Haruka’s voice didn’t shake half as much as it usually did. She, too, was able to capture the raw emotion of the song. Her voice handled the beauty in the lyrics, while Makoto handled the emotion and Mami handled the backbone of the song with her lilting vocals.

As with Takane’s group, Makoto didn’t get as many solos as the other two, but she made up for it by coming out more strongly when the three of them sang together.

But the thing that convinced Chihaya that this group was far worthy of advancing to the finals was the harmonies. At the very end of each chorus, the second one in particular, the group split into a beautiful two-part (or three-part in the seconds chorus) harmony. Chihaya was awed by the way it was arranged; Haruka, who would usually hit the highest notes, had the lowest harmony, followed by Mami in the middle, and Makoto hitting the highest note—which, surprisingly, she hit flawlessly.

When they at last finished, Chihaya was speechless. This seemed to please the trio, since they all grinned rather smugly after three minutes of watching Chihaya stare at them.

“…I…that…”

“I told you you’d like it!” Makoto laughed triumphantly. “Still think we can’t sing?”

“…how did you…how did you do that?”

“Practice.”

“I…wow.”

“Yup~”

Chihaya looked at Mami. “Mami, since when could you SING?”

Mami chuckled. “Didja like it, Chihaya-oneechan?”

“I…I loved it…” Chihaya shook her head. “You hit all the notes, your voice was smooth, and you blended perfectly with the others. Well done.”

Mami’s smile cut her face in half.

“Haruka, I’m very proud of you. You didn’t waver or shake, and your voice was soft, but intense. It was beautiful.”

“Th-thank you, Chihaya-chan…!” Haruka gasped, offering her best friend a grateful bow.

“And Makoto. I had to use every ounce of self-control I had not to pelt you with a tomato.”

“W-what?!”

“At the beginning of the show, I told you you couldn’t sing. Yet, every round you come out here and blow me away with your vocal talent! Why do you sound so…ugly, in most songs?”

“Some songs,” Makoto corrected testily. “I…I don’t know, my voice just doesn’t fit those songs, or something…”

Chihaya nodded. “Well, the emotions were perfect, the notes were almost flawless…there was one place you came out just a little too strong. It was still very nice, though…” She flopped back in her chair. “…Shijou-san, Ganaha-san…come out here. Haruka and Mami, go back.”

Haruka and Mami left and were replaced with Hibiki and Takane. Chihaya rubbed her temples with her fingers and sighed.

“Alright, here’s what’s happening. Shijou-san, your vocals were perfect, but Ritsuko-san’s voice kind of threw your group off. Ganaha-san, you all sounded beautiful together, and I don’t have much to say, but…your voice was still just a tad bit too vibrato-y for me. And Makoto, you once again blew my mind, although it could use a tiny bit of adjusting here-and-there. So, I am stuck on all three of you.”

“What about me?!” Iori whined from backstage.

Chihaya shrugged. “Well…Yayoi and Ami don’t have the vocal talent needed, and you, Iori…I just didn’t like it as much as the others. You have a fabulous voice, though. Be proud,” Chihaya explained.

Iori stomped offstage and back to her own mansion.

Chihaya called Haruka over to her and asked to borrow her MP3 player. Haruka lent it to her. Chihaya looked at her contestants. “I’m going to say a word. Say the first word that pops into your head.”

Makoto blinked. Takane cocked her head. Hibiki snickered and gave a thumbs-up.

“Oranges.”

“Bananas!” Hibiki shouted.

“Ramen,” Takane replied.

“Soup,” Makoto shot out.

Chihaya nodded. “Shijou-san, since I liked your word most, step forwards.”

Takane moved closer in obedience.

“I am going to give you a solo song. You will sing it, and it will determine your standing,” Chihaya told her. She hit the shuffle button on Haruka’s MP3 player. After a few more rounds of button-pressing, she looked up at Takane. “Sing for me—9:02 PM.”

Takane blinked, then she shrugged and looked up at the music-playing guy. He played the music and she sang her song. Chihaya listened, nodding in approval. At times Takane’s voice wavered or sounded a bit too powerful, but her voice was gorgeous and that was what Chihaya was interested in.

When Takane finished, Chihaya applauded her and sent her backstage to await her fate. She looked at Makoto and Hibiki, the former looking intimidated and the latter looking goofy and carefree.

“…Guffaw.”

“Turtles!” Hibiki yelled.

“Magic…?” Makoto tried.

“Ganaha-san.”

“YEAH~!” Hibiki bounced forwards expectantly. Chihaya hit shuffle again, searched around for a song, and looked up at Hibiki.

“Your song is: Meisou Mind.”

Hibiki nodded slowly. Makoto cursed under her breath.

The music-playing guy performed his job correctly and Hibiki took a deep breath. When the time came, she sang.

Chihaya enjoyed the strength of Hibiki’s voice. There seemed to be a bit less vibrato in this song than usual, and Chihaya enjoyed it. She found Hibiki’s voice a little too powerful and shaky sometimes, though, and when Hibiki finished Chihaya offered a bit of applause and Hibiki headed backstage. Chihaya looked at Makoto.

“Oatmeal.”

“Toenails?”

“Step forwards.”

Makoto gulped and stepped forwards. She was visibly trembling. Chihaya smiled warmly at her.

“Makoto, relax. You’ve surprised me thus far. All you need to do is do it again.”

“But it’s completely random!” Makoto whined. “What if you get Start Star?! WE ALL KNOW I SUCK AT THAT SONG!”

Chihaya winced. Yes, she knew full well how horrible that song fit Makoto. “If that happens, I’m re-shuffling to spare my ears.”

Makoto nodded slowly.

“Alright…” Chihaya hit shuffle and a few buttons. “…The song is: Megare!”

“Yes!” Makoto pumped her fist in the air in glee. Chihaya smiled slightly.

As much as she was supposed to be tearing down people’s spirits, she secretly loved seeing her co-workers happy. She loved the look of ecstasy on Mami’s face when the young girl had heard she’d done well. She loved the wide grin on Hibiki’s lips when her group had been told there was nothing wrong with their song. She loved listening to Makoto’s relieved laugh when she’d heard her song was one she was good at.

The guy in the booth that pressed buttons played the music. Makoto sang through the song with a smile on her face, and Chihaya listened with the same expression.

While Chihaya would have liked her voice to be a little smoother and perhaps a little cuter, she still thought Makoto sang the song very well. She hit all the notes properly, the words were clear, and she even had a bit of vibrato at times. Chihaya thought it made it a little bit prettier.

Makoto finished and beamed down at Chihaya. Chihaya gave her the same applause she’d given the others, and then sent Makoto backstage. Makoto skipped behind the curtain while Chihaya calculated which song she’d liked the most.

After a while, she settled on the final two. “Ganaha-san, Shijou-san, and Makoto, come out here,” she called. The three did as told.

Chihaya took a deep breath. “After a lot of calculating, I have decided my finalists. It was extremely difficult, because all three of you are extremely talented, but…” She sighed. “…Shijou-san.”

Takane stepped forwards.

“You are in the top two.”

Takane smiled and stepped back, dipping her head in acknowledgement.

Chihaya took another deep breath. “…Ganaha-san.”

“Y-yeah?”

Chihaya looked at her, her expression serious. “You…”

Hibiki waited.

“…are not.”

Hibiki wilted. “W-whaddaya mean, I’m not? B-but I’m perfect, yo!”

“Not entirely,” Chihaya corrected. “While I love your voice, it’s just…a bit too shaky for me. Something about it—”

Chihaya was interrupted when Makoto thundered down the stage and knocked Chihaya out of her seat with a flying tacklehug. Chihaya let out a cry of alarm while Makoto squealed and giggled in excitement on top of her. Chihaya blushed slightly.

“M-Makoto…!”

“You really mean it? I’m really in the finals? Oh, Chihaya…!” Makoto chirped.

Chihaya sighed. “Yes, you’ve impressed me to the point of making it into the finals. Congratulations.”

Makoto just laughed.

Hibiki gaped at them. “I can’t believe ya like ‘er more than me! I mean…I’m Ganaha friggin’ Hibiki!”

“And she’s Kikuchi Makoto. Your point?”

“I’m…Ganaha friggin’ Hibiki~!”

“Sorry,” Chihaya called. “I do love your voice…something just sticks out to me about Makoto’s voice. There’s something mesmerizing about hearing her sing songs she can actually succeed in.”

Makoto giggled.

Hibiki groaned in annoyance and sauntered out of the game-show area. Makoto finally hopped off of Chihaya and righted her before skipping over to Takane to hug her as well.

Chihaya watched them. This had been an interesting competition, no doubt. But now it was finally time to end it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Disclaimer goes here*
> 
> I had a hard time choosing between these four. They're all amazing.  
> But Hatsukoi ~Yonshou Unmei no Eve~ takes the cake, because apparently none of the idols involved can sing, but they all sound PERFECT.


	13. The Challenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another request, this time from HotomiTsukino (I think that's it) from FF.net. Hotomi is her OC, and belongs to her. The idols belong the Namco Bandai. My signature "charging okapi" ending belongs to me.
> 
> Read on.

 

**The Challenge**

 

Mitarai Shouta was currently slumped on a couch in the 961 Productions agency building, which is how he always seems to be nowadays. Amagase Touma was sitting on the arm of the couch beside him, while Ijuuin Hokuto stood by the door telling a story of his latest date.

“Hey. Hey, Hokuto-kun,” Shouta called. Hokuto paused mid-sentence and looked at him.

“Yes?”

“Y’know, Touma-kun is the only one of us now who’s never really been on a date.”

“What?” Touma looked over at his younger co-worker angrily. “Of course I’ve been on dates before! I mean…I’m Amagase Touma!”

“Well, yeah, but…have you been on a date recently?” Shouta inquired. “Hokuto-kun has a date almost every day, and I had that date with Yayoi-chan not long ago, so now it’s your turn.”

“I don’t have time to waste on something like that,” Touma spat.

“Oh, come on, Touma-kun~,” Hokuto laughed. “Shouta-kun is right, after all. I think it would be good for you to spend quality time with a lady.”

“I told you I don’t—”

“There’s a pretty-looking girl,” Shouta announced, now leaning on the windowsill and peering out to the streets below.

Hokuto joined him at the window. “Ah…that one right there? I feel like I recognize her from somewhere. She’s a real beauty, that’s for sure.”

“Perfect for Touma-kun.” Shouta nodded decisively.

“Oh, yes. Perfect.”

Touma groaned in annoyance and flopped face-first onto the couch. “I’m not doing this.”

“Oh, yes you are, Touma-kun. Yes you are.”

“Wha—”

True to the randomness of the rest of this “book”, Shouta suddenly picked Touma up off the couch and threw him out the window. Hokuto waved “goodbye”.

“YOU TWO ARE INSAAAANE!” Touma screeched on his way down.

“You’re welcome!” Shouta called back.

When Touma at last landed on the ground far below, he was miraculously unharmed. Grumbling angrily to himself, he slowly rose to his feet and dusted himself off. The girl Hokuto and Shouta had pointed out ran to his side, a worried expression on her face.

“Oh my gosh, are you alright?!” she gasped. “That was a huge fall…”

“I’m fine,” Touma grunted.

The girl frowned. “You just fell out the window of a five-story building.”

“And I lived to talk about it.”

She smiled slightly. “Well, I’m just glad you’re alright,” she admitted. She bowed quickly and turned to go. Touma took in a deep breath and grumbled some more before calling after her.

“Hold up.”

She turned around.

“Tell me your name,” Touma ordered.

“Hotomi,” the girl responded. “Tsukiko Hotomi.” She added a bright smile that could even rival Yayoi’s in terms of kindness.

Touma found himself struggling not to blush. After all, it was true the girl was very beautiful, and he was about to ask her on a date—even if it was because of two certain ridiculous co-workers and not because Touma had any kind of interest in this kind-hearted girl. That would be stupid.

“I’m taking you to a café,” Touma announced. “Because Shouta and Hokuto are stupid and they made me.”

Hotomi blinked and blushed slightly. “…ah, um…well, I don’t have anything else to do, but…you really don’t have to,” she murmured.

“Yes I do. I actually do,” Touma muttered back, casting a glance at Hokuto and Shouta, who were leaning out the window and waving.

Hotomi giggled lightly. “I guess that’s alright with me, if you want to. Ah…Amagase Touma-kun, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Right, I knew I recognized you. I know a great café just up the street. It’s so cute, and they have the best desserts.”

“Whatever.”

Giggling again, Hotomi led Touma to the café, sharing stories along the way so as to ease the awkward tension. Shouta and Hokuto watched them from the window.

Hokuto pulled out his cellphone and dialed a number, then clicked it on speaker phone and set it on the table. After a few moments, the person on the other end picked up.

“ _Hello?”_

“Ah, Makoto-chan~!” Hokuto chirped. “How wonderful to hear your lovely voice again! It’s me, Hokuto. I know you’re happy to hear from me, dear~”

“ _How did you get my phone number, you creeper?!”_

“Never mind that, Makoto-chan. I need your help with something.”

“… _what kind of something?”_

 

**~xXxXx~**

 

Hotomi and Touma reached the café about ten minutes after they left the agency. The couple entered and sat at a small booth away from the other customers, which Hotomi figured would make Touma happy since he wasn’t surrounded by morons.

But lo and behold, they had no sooner taken their seats at the booth than a horde of circus-cosplayers swarmed into the building and filled in all the remaining booths. Touma watched them curiously.

“Who the heck are those guys?” he asked Hotomi. She looked at them and shrugged.

“I don’t know, I’ve never seen them before,” she announced.

Touma sighed. “As long as they don’t act stupid, I think I can just ignore them.”

“I like their crazy costumes. They’re pretty funny-looking, don’t you think? Ah, Amagase-kun, I never finished telling you about my latest manga! So after the girl meets the wizard…”

 

**~xXxXx~**

 

“Roll call!” Hibiki hissed to the other members of her table. In her group of circus cosplayers was Yukiho, Haruka, Takane, and Chihaya. At another table sat Shouta, Yayoi, Iori, and Miki, and Makoto and Hokuto occupied a third booth. “Yukiho, ya go first!”

“Well, as you can see, Hibiki-chan, I am dressed as a pig in a sports jersey with a beret on my nose,” Yukiho said calmly. “My noise is a squeak, my tool is a ring that I can peek through, and my name is…um…S-silver Walnut, I think it was. Sora-kun picked it out for me.”

Hibiki nodded in approval. “Takane?”

“I am Ramen Minstrel, my costume is the moon in six phases at once, I spy using my own eyes, and my sound is the sound of a llama barking up the wrong tree,” Takane explained.

Hibiki snickered. “Haruka?”

“The same as last time; I’m Harukakka-san, my costume is a giant, fire-breathing winged apocalyptic python, my noise is a man playing the Battle Hymn of the Republic on an organ in the key of A-flat, and my tool is that super-cool celery stick thing.”

Hibiki sighed. “M’kay, Chihya?”

“Chihaya,” Chihaya corrected automatically. “I am Sapphire Songbird, my tool is this megaphone, I am dressed as a bluebird, and for my noise I sing a song.”

Hibiki nodded. “I won’t bother explainin’ mine, ‘cause it’s the same as last time. My noise is still a whale, I’m still Green Sarcophagus, an’ my tool is still my monocle. Yo, Booth B! Roll call!” she shouted to the next booth.

Iori nodded. “Miki!”

“Miki is an elephant kitty, she spies with a kaleidoscope, her noise is a flushing toilet in the key of B-flat, and her name is Sparkly Kitty-cat,” Miki related.

“Yayoi!” Iori ordered.

“I’m Diamond Mailman the Abraham-Lincoln-chainsaw-man, my tool is a magnifying glass, and my noise is a farting walrus.”

“You changed your noise?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Alright. Shouta?”

Shouta giggled. “I…am a clown…with a party hat. My name is Super Juicebox, my tool is spectacles, and my noise is a car crash sound,” he announced.

Iori nodded. “I am Pink Orangutagular Dolphin, I am a duck princess, I spy with binoculars, and I make dog noises. Booth C! Your turn!”

Makoto grumbled something to herself about having to be on a date with Hokuto as part of her spy cover (“No one would ever expect me to be on a date with him, right? It’s perfect!”) and glanced at the couple before looking back at Hokuto. “Explain,” she ordered.

Hokuto nodded. “My codename is Magical Kangaroo, I’m dressed in a sparkly tuxedo that could dazzle the heavens, my sound is the sound you get when you knock over a vending machine in a dark alleyway on Friday the Thirteenth, and I spy with some sort of super-straw.”

Makoto nodded. “I’m back to Pickled Ham as far as codenames go. I’m in a purple dress—because honestly, who would expect that from me?—and I spy with my trusty telescope. And I make siren noises.”

Iori and Hibiki, the captains of the other two booths, nodded in approval.

“We’re perfect.”

“But of course, I’m with you, after all.”

“I swear, if the CIA doesn’t recruit us in three days, they’re all imbeciles.”

 

**~xXxXx~**

 

“So what are you going to try, Amagase-kun?” Hotomi asked politely. She reached up and brushed some of her long, black hair behind her ears.

Touma grunted. “…You can just call me Touma, you know,” he told her. “No need for formalities or whatever.”

“Oh…I appreciate it,” Hotomi said fondly. “Well…Touma-kun, you should try the lemon cake. It’s delicious.”

“I hate the taste of lemon.”

“Really?” Hotomi cocked her head, light purple eyes sparkling with curiosity. “I always thought you seemed like the kind of person who would like sour things.”

Touma shrugged. “I like sour, I just don’t like lemons,” he admitted. “I’ll probably just get a cream soda.”

“Oh, those are delicious here too.”

“Is there anything here that isn’t delicious?”

“Touma-kun, because you seem like a nice person, I will warn you right now—never, ever try the sponge cake,” Hotomi warned. She leaned in closer. “I swear they make it with real sponges.”

Touma nodded slowly. “…nice person, huh…”

Hotomi smiled warmly. “I haven’t found any reasons to think you’re not a nice person. You’re out here treating me to a snack at such a nice place, even though I’ve barely done anything to earn it. And you’re awfully handsome, too…” The black-haired beauty trailed off, a blush spreading across her cheeks.

Touma blushed slightly too, then quickly hid his face behind the menu so Hotomi wouldn’t see.

“I guess…you might be…slightly pretty, too,” he muttered, his blush deepening. He hid further behind the menu, hoping Hotomi hadn’t heard his quiet mumbling.

She giggled. “Thank you, that’s sweet of you.

 _My life sucks,_ Touma thought hopelessly. Of course she’d heard him. That was just his luck. “Whatever.”

 

**~xXxXx~**

 

“So, Makoto-chan, what can I get for you today?” Hokuto asked his “date”.

Makoto didn’t answer, choosing instead to stare intently at Touma and Hotomi through her massive telescope.

Hokuto decided to try again. “Fine weather today, hm?”

Makoto grunted.

“…Will you please just let me make out with you already?”

“Seriously, how did you get my phone number?!”

Hokuto shrugged. “I looked it up online.”

“How did my number get online?” Makoto wondered aloud.

“You had it posted on a website called ‘Get a Handsome Boyfriend Quick dot com’.”

Makoto chuckled nervously. “Right, I forgot about that…”

“Never mind that, though,” Hokuto trilled. “Now you have me~. So how may I serve you today, milady?”

Makoto blushed, but she never moved from her telescope. “Stop flirting,” she ordered. “We’re here on business.”

“Oh, come on,” Hokuto complained. “I never get to do anything with you anymore.”

“I don’t like you. I don’t WANT to do things with you. I’m too busy performing duties for Producer, my dad, and my elite spy team.”

“Makoto-chan!” Yukiho hissed from Booth A. “Makoto-chan, they’re making small-chat!”

“Good work, Agent Silver Walnut!” Makoto praised. “Keep at it!”

“Y-yes sir!”

Hokuto sighed. “You know, dear, you’re making this rather difficult.”

“Good,” Makoto mumbled. “Now shut up and watch the date.”

“But—”

“I said shut up!”

 

**~xXxXx~**

 

Hotomi observed the circus-cosplayers (one of which really looked like he belonged in a circus, what with his clown suit and all), sipping from her glass of mango smoothie. “You know, the other day me and my friends saw a movie about circus-cosplayers,” she told Touma.

“They make movies about that?” Touma confirmed.

“Sure they do! I think there’s a showing of it later today, if you want to go see it after we eat. I’ll pay for your ticket.”

“…I guess that would be alright,” Touma said under his breath. He had started to really enjoy time with Hotomi, after all. She was a cute and funny girl, and her friendliness was almost contagious. Still, Touma would never let her (or anyone else) see that he was enjoying the date. That would ruin his reputation.

“Sounds good, then! We’ll continue this get-together at the movies, then,” Hotomi decided.

“May as well just call it a date,” Touma sighed.

“…eh…? Ah, um…” Hotomi paused, blushing. “…this is a date.”

“Sure.”

“…r-right, of course.” Hotomi coughed and hid her face with her menu. Touma copied her.

The auburn-haired boy glanced over at the group of circus-cosplayers again. Seated at one booth was a duo of people who looked particularly familiar. Especially the boy…

“…Hokuto?!” he snapped, glaring at the blonde man seated at the booth. The girl (or perhaps it was a cross-dressing boy) at the telescope across from him yanked away from her telescope and yelled siren noises. The other cosplayers joined in, shouting random noises, some more odd than others. Hotomi chuckled, amused.

Touma wasn’t distracted. He narrowed his eyes at the Hokuto look-alike and frowned. “Hokuto, what the heck are you doing here with these people—”

“OH, MARTHA!” The Hokuto look-alike suddenly sprang across the table and slammed into his partner-in-crime, then began kissing her fiercely. The girl screeched in annoyance into his mouth. Touma opened his mouth to say something else, but after a minute or two more of watching the duo make out, he realized he wouldn’t be getting any answers any time soon and sat down again.

“Can you believe these freaks?”

“They amuse me.”

 

**~xXxXx~**

 

Makoto finally managed to shove away from Hokuto’s mouth. “What the heck are you doing?!”

“Saving you from discovery!” Hokuto hissed. “He wasn’t believing the noises, so I figured he’d leave us alone if he knew I wasn’t going to engage with him. And I was right!”

Makoto narrowed her eyes and slapped him. “That doesn’t mean you can just…make out with me!”

“Oh, don’t tell me you didn’t like it~. …you slap really hard, dear.”

“Stop calling me that already! I keep telling you I’m not interested!”

“…wanna kiss again~?”

“…what the heck, just make it good.”

The two returned to the passionate kiss just in time for Touma to stand up and face them in an attempt to get more information. He gave up when he realized the girl was actually kissing the boy back this time, which meant they would be that way for a very long time.

 

**~xXxXx~**

 

Hotomi yawned and stretched. “I’m getting tired. Have you finished eating yet?” she asked Touma.

“Yeah,” Touma answered. “Are we gonna watch that movie or not?”

Hotomi smiled. “Sure,” she agreed. “And since you bought me a nice snack, I’ll buy your ticket. I have enough.”

Touma shrugged. “Thanks, I guess,” he remarked. “Come on, let’s get out of here. These circus-cosplayers are kinda freaking me out.”

“Yeah…they are rather creepy…”

Slowly, the couple wandered out of the café after paying their bill. Shouta noticed that they were holding hands.

 

**~xXxXx~**

 

“A’ight, folks, bring it in,” Hibiki ordered. The circus-cosplayers converged; all but Makoto and Hokuto, who were still passionately making out on the floor of the café.

“I saw them holding hands~” Shouta giggled. “That means they like each other.”

“Was that our goal?” Takane questioned. “For them to grow fond of one another?”

“Yup!”

“Then we have succeeded.”

“Uh-huh!”

Hibiki snickered. “Great! Now, let’s get back home and stuff so we can do other less important thingies.”

“Yay~!”

The group moved towards the door. On their way out, Iori kicked Makoto in the side to separate her from Hokuto. Hokuto responded by shoving her foot away and attaching his hand to Makoto’s breast. Makoto began to squirm and made irritated sounds into his mouth.

“We’re leavin’!” Hibiki announced.

Makoto shoved Hokuto off of herself and punched him in the face.

“Ow…dear, you punch hard.”

“Good!” Makoto stood and stomped off in a huff.

Hokuto watched her and chuckled. “Her breast was soft~.”

“…Hokuto-kun, why am I friends with you?” Shouta questioned.

Hokuto shrugged.

“…alright, let’s go home now~”

On the way home, everyone got hit by a charging okapi and died. The end.

 

 


	14. Your Singing Stinks and So Do You Part 5 (Final)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Insert Disclaimer Here*
> 
> The final round. I hope you all enjoyed this little show of criticism.
> 
> That's all, bye.

 

**Your Singing Stinks and So Do You Part 5 (Final)**

 

Chihaya examined her final two. To be honest, the standings surprised her; never in a million years would she have thought someone like Makoto would end up making it into the finals. But there was a certain quality the girl’s voice had, a quality that allowed her to bring a depth to her songs that Chihaya only ever heard from herself.

Takane, however, had extreme vocal prowess and was easily one of the best singers in the agency, alongside Chihaya. The blue-haired songstress knew that Takane definitely deserved this.

“OK…for this last round of competition, we’re doing things the same way we did the first round; just pick a solo song and sing it. After that, I want the two of you to perform a duet for me,” Chihaya explained.

Makoto’s face lit up. “A duet with Takane? Wow, I’m not worthy…!”

Takane chuckled. “Do not sound so shocked, Makoto,” she told her warmly. “I am but a humble singer who happens to be much better than all of you.”

_Except for me,_ Chihaya corrected silently. She coughed.

Makoto nodded slowly, though she still seemed to think a duet with Takane was like some sort of accomplishment.

Chihaya nodded. “Go ahead and prepare. You may choose the song you want to sing together. And one more thing; I’d like to see how you do singing while you dance, so this time, please dance along with your song.”

Makoto beamed. Takane nodded in acknowledgement.

Chihaya sent them backstage with a flick of her hand and leaned back in her chair to wait. She felt fairly sure that Takane would take the win no matter what, but she had been pleasantly surprised with Makoto’s progress thus far. The only song that had disappointed Chihaya with the boyish idol had been Overmaster in the third round.

Still, Takane hadn’t disappointed Chihaya at all, and Chihaya had to admit she was biased towards the foreign girl’s voice.

Speaking of Takane, the silver-haired Queen of Ramen now emerged, a calm smile on her face and her hands folded in front of her. She bowed to Chihaya.

Chihaya smiled back at her. “Alright, Shijou-san. I look forward to hearing your song.”

“I look forward to singing for you.”

The music was started and Takane began the dance to her selected song. Chihaya quickly realized it was “Cutey Honey”.

Takane sang through the song quite well. The dance she had obviously invented for it was a good mix of cute and sexy, and despite how jealous Chihaya was of how much her large breasts bounced during the dance, she knew that it had been well put-together. When Takane finished, Chihaya ignored her for ten minutes out of envy.

“…Chihaya, dear, I’m done—”

“I know.”

“…are you going to judge me?”

“I hate you and your jiggling big boobs.”

“…my…apologies, Chihaya.”

Chihaya muttered a “kuh…!” under her breath. “It’s…fine. Now, um, about the song…you sang it beautifully, and I liked the way your voice suited that. The dance was intense but you still managed to sound lovely. Congratulations. Please go prepare for your duet.”

Takane nodded, bowed, and sashayed backstage like a true rich person.

Makoto ran out and skidded to a stop in the middle of the stage. “Hi Chihaya~!”

“Hello.”

“So since no one has done this song yet and I kinda miss it, I’m doing ‘Agent Yoru wo Yuku’. Not the M@STER version, I don’t feel like coming up with a dance for the M@STER version today.”

“Alright, that’s fine.”

Makoto giggled. “I can’t believe I’m in the finals of a singing competition~…”

Chihaya smiled slightly. “You deserve it,” she said honestly.

Makoto giggled again.

“OK, sing.”

“R-right!”

The music was started and Makoto performed as required. Chihaya admitted to being very impressed by how well she danced while still managing to stay on tune. This was why Makoto was one of the best dancers in the agency, after all; when the song finished she didn’t even appear to be sweating.

Still, Chihaya would have liked less power in the song and more of the sexy voice she’d heard Makoto use in “Kyun! Vampire Girl”. She liked how the girl stayed on tune and thought she hit all the low notes particularly well, but it certainly hadn’t been as good as Takane’s in terms of vocal talent.

Makoto finished her song and dance and looked out at Chihaya.

“I’m impressed by your dancing,” Chihaya offered.

Makoto grinned.

“I’m less impressed by your singing.”

Makoto wilted.

“When a song is something like that, you should be singing with a more sexy tone like in ‘Kyun! Vampire Girl’, not with the kind of power you use in ‘Overmaster’. You seemed a little unsure at times. We’re back to the kind of Makoto voice I thought I knew,” Chihaya explained.

Makoto nodded slowly to show she understood.

“Still, it was better than you’ve done with other songs. Go prepare for your duet with Shijou-san,” Chihaya ordered.

Makoto nodded again. “Alright, I will! Thanks,” she piped. She turned and headed backstage.

Chihaya waited.

After a few more minutes of practicing, her finalists came back out onstage and waited for their turn to sing.

Chihaya examined them. They were an odd duo, no doubt. Takane was easily one of the best singers in the group (right below Chihaya, of course) and Makoto had been known to be one of the worst before Chihaya heard this side of her. She never would have anticipated these standings. She would have thought her finalists would be Takane and Hibiki or Takane and Iori or Takane and anyone who isn’t Makoto, Ami or Mami, or Yayoi. Maybe she would have just chosen Takane right from the beginning.

But here they were, the two second-best singers in Chihaya’s opinion (at least with the songs they’d chosen). Briefly, Chihaya noted that Takane was known as the Silver Queen, and Makoto was called the Prince of the agency.

Maybe Chihaya had a thing for royalty.

Chihaya let out a sigh and nodded at them to indicate that they were to announce their song.

Takane nodded back. “We have decided to sing Little Match Girl together,” she announced. “We hope you enjoy it.”

“…I’m singing with Takane~” Makoto chirped.

Chihaya sighed. “Yes, yes…go ahead and begin whenever you’re ready.”

Her finalists prepared themselves for the final round. When they were ready, the music-playing guy did his job and they began to sing.

Chihaya was once again blown away by the vocal talent the both of them possessed. While Makoto seemed a bit shaky at times and her English could use a lot of work, she still brought a good emotion to the song and Chihaya found her chorus in particular to be quite beautiful. Takane, however, clearly had the upper hand in terms of talent. Her voice flowed smoothly over every note, her English was clearer, and the lovely deepness of her voice combined with the soft breathiness suited the song perfectly.

The duet finished and Makoto immediately turned to Takane to offer some praise and chatter about how honored she was to be able to sing alongside the vocal master (behind Chihaya herself, of course). Chihaya waited.

“Makoto,” she called.

Makoto stopped talking and faced Chihaya excitedly.

“Your voice was a little shaky and it sounded weird sometimes, but all-in-all it was very beautiful. You brought the perfect emotion to the song. Well done.”

Makoto beamed. “Thanks!” she exclaimed, offering a gallant bow before stepping back to let Takane receive her praise.

“Shijou-san, once again I was extremely pleased,” Chihaya told the silver-haired beauty. “You have stunned me with the balance between soft, lilting vocals and deep, commanding songs. I loved it. I really, truly loved it.”

Takane smiled and dipped her head in acknowledgement.

Chihaya drew in a deep breath through her nose. Now was the time. Now she would choose the winner of the first Your Singing Stinks and So Do You competition. She had gone from twelve less-than-perfect singers to two near flawless (at least from what she’d heard throughout the competition) performers. Never in a million years would she have expected this, but here they were; her finalists, Shijou Takane and Kikuchi Makoto.

Chihaya took another deep breath. “I know who the winner is.”

The two finalists stepped forwards.

“This singer has proven to me their versatility, their beauty and power, and their stunning vocal talent. She has shown me that I have a lot to watch out for in the future; with a bit more practice, I do feel this singer could possibly surpass even my level of vocal talent.”

Makoto stiffened, probably wondering if it was her Chihaya was talking about. Takane lifted her chin in pride.

Chihaya offered her finalists a smile. “The winner of Your Singing Stinks and So Do You is…”

The finalists waited.

“…not Kikuchi Makoto.”

Makoto blinked. “Wait, I won?!”

“No, I said it WASN’T you,” Chihaya explained.

Makoto cocked her head.

“…the winner is Shijou Takane!”

Takane gasped slightly, glanced at Makoto, looked down at Chihaya, and then grinned. “Then it is as I predicted. I am the winner?” she clarified.

“Yes,” Chihaya answered. “Congratulations, Shijou-san.”

Makoto seemed pleased. “So I got second place.”

“Yes, if there WAS a second place.”

“Still! According to the greatest singer in all of 765 Pro, I am the third best singer in the agency. Do you have any idea how much bragging right that gives me?!” Makoto squealed in excitement. “Plus, I got to sing with Takane! How cool is that?!”

“Lots of people sing with Shijou-san.”

“Well, yeah, but not people like _me_. You know what? Just for you, I’ll never sing some of the songs I usually do again unless I absolutely have to. That way I can sing the way you say I can, right? I won’t let you down! And one day, maybe I’ll reach your level!”

Chihaya smiled slightly. “Yes, that’s a nice goal to have,” she confirmed. “Congratulations to our winner!”

Takane nodded. “I am honored,” she admitted, dipping her head again. Chihaya stood and smiled.

“Alright, fade us out.”

 


	15. Creepy Nighttime Prank Time Extravaganza! Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why, yes, innocent reader. I do really like long chapter titles.
> 
> Aaanyways, this was kinda a request from one of my real life best friends, but kinda not. Oh well. Enjoy.

 

**Creepy Nighttime Prank Time Extravaganza! Part 1**

 

Shouta watched the waves lap at the shore of the beach 765 and 961 were vacationing at. He watched innocent children write cute notes in the wet sand, watched their parents recline on a lawn chair, and watched the 765 idols swim in the crystalline waters. Touma stood beside him, not quite willing to get close to other people, but definitely not willing to turn down a day at the beach. Hokuto, on the other hand, had already successfully snagged twelve bikini-wearing beach babes and was now helping them apply sunscreen.

“I wanna try a prank with you guys,” Shouta decided.

Touma blinked. “On who?”

Shouta grinned evilly. “765 Pro~”

Touma snickered. “I like that idea. You need us?”

“Oh, yes. Definitely.” Shouta chuckled. “Get Hokuto-kun, and I’ll explain…”

 

**~*xXxXx*~**

 

Haruka yawned and stretched, waking herself up after a long and well-earned sleep. “Well? How’d you guys like the beach?” she asked her companions excitedly.

“It was awesome!” Ami cheered.

“Almost as awesome as clearing the final boss in Super Smash Bros. Brawl,” Mami agreed. “Tatoo is hard!”

“Super hard.” Ami nodded.

“His name’s Taboo,” Hibiki pointed out. “I’d know, I watched y’all fight ‘im!”

“Mami and Ami like Tatoo better,” Mami countered.

Hibiki rolled her eyes.

“I can’t wait to go back today,” Haruka gushed. “It’ll be so great! I love the beach…”

“Me too,” Hibiki sighed.

“Let’s not wait!” Haruka squealed. “Let’s go right now!”

“Then let’s do it!” Hibiki squealed. “Goooo!”

The idols cheered and quickly changed into their swimsuits before zooming outside to the beach. For some reason, everyone who had previously been using this beach had gone home, leaving only 765 and 961 to enjoy the sand and sun. Yayoi was the first one on the beach, meaning that she was the first one to find the message:

_Your nightmare has just begun._

Yayoi cocked her head. “Iori-chan? What does this mean?” she questioned innocently. The auburn-headed Minase daughter trotted over to her best friend and read the message out loud.

“‘Your nightmare has just begun…?’ What on Earth?” Iori muttered quizzically, kicking the dirt around the edges of the strange message. However, no matter how hard she kicked, the dirt wouldn’t cover the message.

“N-n-nightmare…?” Yukiho whimpered, taking a few steps closer to Makoto. Makoto narrowed her eyes.

“Relax, it’s probably just some teenager who thought it’d be funny to mess with some unlucky beachgoers,” she insisted. “It’s nothing.”

Yukiho gulped. “M…Makoto-chan…”

Makoto sighed and followed the brunette’s trembling finger to another message which had been previously hidden by the water.

_765 PRO_

Makoto rolled her eyes. “Very funny,” she called out loudly, turning her attention to the trembling Yukiho. “Look, lots of people knew we were here. They probably thought it’d be cool to psyche up a bunch of idols.”

“Or…” Iori grinned evilly and spoke in an eerie voice. “Or perhaps a killer has been released onto this beach, for the sake of targeting young idols just like us, so he can add thirteen more to his bag of souls…”

Yukiho let out a frightened cry and scooted closer to Makoto. At this point, even 765 Pro’s resident tomboy was looking a little pale.

Iori let out a low, frightening chuckle. “But don’t worry about getting restless,” she continued slowly. “You won’t have to wait long…he’ll drag you right down to hell with him!”

Yukiho let out a loud scream. “I-I-I DON’T WANT TO GO TO HEEEELLL~!”

“You’re not going to hell!” Makoto insisted. “Geez, Iori…now’s not the time to go around scaring us…!”

“Nihihi~! Even YOU’RE frightened, dear Prince Makoto~.”

“That was a good one,” Hibiki admitted. “Ya even had ME a little scared…!”

Iori tossed her hair, obviously proud.

Makoto groaned and rolled her eyes again. “Guys, come on. It’s just someone messing with us. Yukiho, calm down.”

Yukiho took a few deep breaths before forcing herself to smile at her precious best friend. She tried to tell herself that there was nothing to worry about, that if there really was a killer, Makoto would protect her no matter what. Eventually, the wallflower idol managed to calm down enough to relax and have fun at the beach with her friends.

Makoto would protect her. She would _always_ protect her.

Wouldn’t she?

 

~*xXxXx*~

 

It was late. The door to the hotel room was closed, which made Yukiho feel a bit safer, but it was also unlocked, which made her feel horrible. She’d been lying awake, positioned in the same mat as Makoto, for at least three hours. Although everyone around her had since dismissed the creepy message on the shore as a simple prank, Yukiho knew better. She knew there was something eerily scary about that message, and it was driving her nuts.

There was a loud creaking sound. Yukiho squeaked and whirled around, searching for someone, anyone, so she could have an excuse to jostle Makoto awake. She knew that not even her fabled Invincible Shovel could protect her from this kind of enemy.

And she was, unfortunately, right.

Yukiho heard heavy breathing by her right ear. Too frightened to turn around, she only whimpered and tugged pitifully on Makoto’s sleeve. Makoto murmured something in her sleep and rolled over, tugging her sleeve out of Yukiho’s weak grasp. Yukiho let out a small scream, but even that little noise was cut off by a large, strong hand wrapping around her mouth. She made a few more muffled screams and began to flail, but her kidnapper barely even flinched. Yukiho grabbed onto Makoto’s wrist desperately, praying that the wimpy grip would be enough to wake her up. Sadly, Yukiho’s third biggest fear (after men and dogs) became a reality when she was dragged away, kicking and (muffled) screaming, out the door and into the cold, dark hallways outside.

And Makoto only stirred.

 

~*xXxXx*~

 

“Guys! Guys, wake up!”

The loud yell woke the members of 765 Productions, who awoke to find a frazzled-looking Makoto pacing furiously and opening every door and window in the room. Haruka yawned and rubbed her eyes.

“Makoto-chan, what are you doing?”

Makoto turned to face her, and in that instant Haruka glimpsed a side of Makoto that she rarely saw; the tomboy’s face was stained with tears, fresh ones pouring down her cheeks every second. Her eyes were round and frightened, her face paler than Takane, and her hands were trembling.

“What happened?!” Haruka gasped. Makoto let out a loud sob.

“It’s…Yukiho…”

Haruka’s eyes widened.

“Yukiho’s not here!”

 


	16. 3TS: The Tag Team Talent Show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maaaaany things to say here.
> 
> For one, ties in IMMENSELY with my story Doppelgangers!, which is kinda bad and won't be posted here (not for a while, at least) but can be found at my GraceGrrl account at Wattpad, or my gracegrrl007 account on Fanfiction.net. Basically, the girls from Idolmaster: Xenoglossia meet their iDOLM@STER girl counterparts, get to know them, and go on zany adventures. At the end, they return to their world. It was also written in first person and everyone had a nickname. The nicknames return.   
> A few major spoilers from Xenoglossia included. But you guys probably don't care because no one likes that show.  
> I actually started this ages ago, but recently picked it up and finished it. You might be able to pick up a slight change in writing style.  
> More to come.

 

**3TS: the Tag-Team Talent Show**

 

“Talent show! It’s a talent show, you guys~!” Amami Haruka cheered. “It’s gonna be fun~, so we should sign up!”

“Talent show?” her friend, Kisaragi Chihaya, echoed. “Then, singing. We can sing?”

“Of course! But it’s a tag team talent show so you’ll need a partner~”

“Tag team…talent show?” Chihaya echoed. She shook her head, sighing. “Haruka, what does that even mean?”

Haruka grinned. “Well, it’s a talent show, but in order to perform you need a partner. At least two people must perform.”

“I think it’ll be fun,” piped Takatsuki Yayoi. She was standing on her toes, rocking back and forth on her feet excitedly.

“And what better way to perform…than with yourself, hn, Yayoi-chan?”

Yayoi spun around, and the eyes of every 765 Pro girl widened at the sight of some people they hadn’t seen in a very long time—their doppelgangers from another world. Yayoi cried out in delight.

“Star-chan!” she screeched to the older-looking version of herself, who waved excitedly.

“Yo~! Eh, look, it’s the other Sunshine Forehead!”

“Don’t call me that, stupid!”

Chihaya stared, bewildered, as the group slowly wandered in. There were a few missing, she noted; Goya Hibiki, Shirai Takane, and Hora Miki, the doppelgangers of the Hibiki, Takane, and Miki she knew, and her own doppelganger and Azusa’s were missing as well.

“Where are…the other two?” she asked slowly. “The other me, and the other Azusa-san?”

“Dead,” the other Makoto answered simply. When they’d known each other before, this Makoto had been AoMako, so that was how Chihaya thought of her now.

“Dead…that’s right,” Chihaya murmured. “I’d forgotten that…they were dead.”

“Welcome back, you guys~!” Haruka squealed, delighted. “You’re just in time for the 3TS!”

“The…what?” the other Haruka, called Penguin-chan, questioned, confused.

“The Tag Team Talent Show. The 3TS.”

“…ah.”

Haruka giggled. "You guys should join up with us and do it too! We can all team up!"

"That's a great idea!" Penguin-chan squealed. "Haruka-chan, let's perform togther!"

"Yeah, and with Yukiho-chan and Yukipyon too!"

"Definitely! Maybe MuraMako can join up with us too!"

"An awesome singing quintet? Count me in, you guys!"

"Yay~!"

"Eh...um, Haruka...!" Chihaya searched around desperately, trying to get someone to listen to her. She needed a partner for this thing, right? "Someone...excuse me! I need...um..."

 

~.~.~

 

The idols and their doppelganger friends were gathered in front of a large stage, preparing for practice. AoMako was plopped against a far wall, and Chihaya was seated on the edge of the stage. Everyone else was clustered with their groups. Chihaya raised her hand for silence to try and get a partner. Everyone ignored her. Desperate, Chihaya stood and went to one of the microphones, then grabbed it to cause feedback. The group screeched and covered their ears.

"Excuse me," Chihaya called into the microphone. Everyone slowly uncovered their ears. "Haruka, could you be my partner? I haven't gotten one yet."

"Sorry, Chihaya-chan," Haruka said sincerely. "I'm already in a group with Penguin-chan, MuraMako, and the Yukiho-chans."

Chihaya grumbled to herself. "Um, I can join up...!"

"There's really no room, I'm sorry...we already have everything figured out..."

Chihaya snapped her fingers. "Azusa-san?"

"I'm doing an acting scene with Iori-chan and Minase-chan," Azusa replied. "You can join up if you want, Chihaya-chan~"

"Will there be singing?" Chihaya asked hopefully.

"I...no, no there will not."

Chihaya groaned. "Shijou-san?"

"I will be performing with the rest of Project Fairy and the twins."

"Takatsuki-san?"

"Star-chan and Ritsuko-san and Demon General and I are gonna do a skit together."

"Is there anyone out there who can sing with me?" Chihaya whined, starting to get desperate. She wanted to sing in this talent show more than anything in the world. Everyone started to talk amongst themselves, trying to see if they could fit Chihaya into their act, until one voice sliced through their thoughts.

"I'll do it."

Chihaya brightened up immediately and began searching for who had spoken. It had been a deep, almost quiet voice...

"MuraMako?"

"Wasn't me." MuraMako shook her head and shrugged.

"Shijou-san?"

"Not I," Takane corrected.

Chihaya looked around. "Who..."

"Over here." Off of the wall came AoMako, who raised her hand slightly to be seen.

Chihaya gaped at her.

"...that was...you?!"

Everyone else gasped in shock. AoMako shot them what may have been a glare, but looked more offended than angry.

"Don't sound so surprised," she protested. "I'm the only one here who doesn't have a partner yet."

"You can sing...?!" Chihaya gasped.

AoMako shrugged. "I'm not sure. But I can try."

Chihaya narrowed her eyes at the blue-eyed Makoto. "Come with me," she ordered, starting towards an empty room. AoMako blinked, shrugged, then crossed her arms and followed.

The pair remained inside the closed room for a few minutes. Everyone outside waited until they emerged, Chihaya gaping even more than before and AoMako seeming just as bored and uninterested as ever, yet also slightly embarrassed.

"...you're hired."

"Thanks."

"She can sing?" Minase-chan gasped. "...huh, imagine that. You know, I'm a bit of a singer myself~..."

"Isn't being a cute, rich singer great?" Iori-chan giggled, tossing her hair.

"Oh, yeah!"

"Well, now that that's settled, let's all get back to practicing!" Haruka suggested. She began conversing with her group. Takane's group took the stage and started to practice. Everyone else branched off, Chihaya and AoMako returning to their unoccupied room to practice without interruptions.

 

~.~.~

 

It was a week before the day of the talent show. Lots of groups besides those of the idols and their friends had signed up to be a part of the show. Chihaya and AoMako had purposely scheduled themselves to be last to delay everyone's shock when they heard the ultimate singing prowess that was the AoMako-Chihaya-Super-Duo (a name that had been suggested to AoMako by MuraMako, but had been immediately shot down. They settled on keeping it until they thought of a better name, which proved to be harder than they thought).

"We still need a name," Chihaya sighed miserably. "The 'AoMako-Chihaya-Super-Duo' thing just isn't working for me."

"Definitely not," AoMako agreed.

"Still, who would have thought that you could sing so well?! I was really shocked..."

"Me too," the blue-eyed Makoto agreed.

"Well, in the meantime..." Chihaya paused and looked down at her hands. "I'm nervous. I've gone so pale I can see my arteries..."

"I think those are veins," AoMako corrected, peering at Chihaya's white-as-snow wrist.

"What? No, they're definitely arteries," Chihaya protested.

"I'm positive that's a vein," AoMako sighed, shaking her head.

"Artery."

"Vein."

"Artery...!"

"Vein."

"Artery!"

"Vein..." AoMako trailed off. "...hang on, say that again!"

Chihaya blinked. "...artery...?"

"...vein..." AoMako smiled ever-so-slightly. "Artery Vein...are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Chihaya smiled as well. "I think we just found a name, right?"

"Right."

"Artery Vein...huh?" Chihaya chuckled. "I wonder if it'll catch on. Our next job is to come up with songs. I don't think it's fair to just sing covers...we can go to 765's songwriters and ask them to think of something."

"As long as it isn't anything too mushy, I'll sing whatever they give us," AoMako sighed. "The rest is up to you, Artery."

"Leave it to me, Vein."

 

~.~.~

 

"We have a song, a name, and a band...this is going to be the greatest talent show performance the world has ever seen!"

"You're getting way too psyched up about this for your own good."

"I can't help it! I'm excited! Singing is my passion!"

"I have a passion for crabs, but you don't see me dressing in some weird cosplay and shouting 'power to crustaceans' everywhere I go."

"I do not shout 'power to songs'. ...I shout 'power to singers'."

AoMako sighed. "Well, it's no use getting excited so early. The first act hasn't even started yet," she cautioned.

"I know that," Chihaya pouted. "But I can't help it! I'm just so glad someone is performing with me...and the best part is, it's someone who's actually good!"

AoMako blushed ever-so-slighty. "I'm not that good," she muttered.

"Don't be humble," Chihaya ordered. AoMako shifted in her seat and remained silent.

A few more minutes of waiting passed before the talent show got started. The first group was Haruka's group, consisting of Haruka herself, Penguin-chan, Yukiho, Yukipyon, and MuraMako. The group split off into a little formation, then began to sing. It had been orchestrated as a small a capella group, Chihaya discovered; Haruka sang the highest notes, followed by Penguin-chan singing slightly lower notes, then Yukiho singing melody, Yukipyon providing a low harmony, and MuraMako acting as the base. Chihaya smiled at them, quite impressed.

"What song are they singing?" she whispered to AoMako, who shrugged.

"Not sure. Probably some anime opening."

"Probably..." Chihaya nodded. "They're very good, but I am determined to be better."

"I think MuraMako could be a little quieter, Amami's voice is shaking too much, Yukipyon sounds a bit flat, the Penguin girl's too high, and Hagiwara is a tad too slow. I'm sure we'll be fine," AoMako assured.

Chihaya stared at her, listened for a bit, then gasped. "Now that you mention it, you're right..."

AoMako simply nodded. The group finished, bowed, received their applause, then bounded down the stairs. The next group went up, performed, then finished and left the stage. The pattern continued, with all the groups that had rejected Chihaya and the groups that no one knew. And then, at the end, it was finally time for the _real_ stars to perform.

The MC for the evening took her microphone and smiled at everyone. "Aren't these some talented groups? It'll be hard to pick a favorite," she sighed. "Last, but not least, is a duo and their small band. Let's give it up for Artery Vein, singing an original song, 'Last Judgment'."

Chihaya looked at AoMako and smiled, then reached out and grabbed the blue-eyed girl's wrist before dragging her up onto the stage. A few people saw Chihaya and seemed worried, but chuckled when they noticed AoMako was with her. The black-haired girl shot those people a glare, then gave Chihaya a look that said, "Alright, now I'm totally gonna _crush_ these guys."

Chihaya smiled wider. "Let's show them what we can do," she whispered, grabbing a microphone. AoMako located her own microphone, then waited for their little band of a drummer and a few guitarists to set up onstage. There was silence for a few moments, then a few drum beats...and then the two girls began to sing.

At first, no one really seemed impressed; the song began with a somewhat slow-paced chorus, with Chihaya in lead vocals and AoMako complimenting her with a low harmony. But after the first chorus had ended and the band had begun to pick things up, the audience got a taste of what the duo could really do.

Chihaya began the first verse by herself, but after she had sung through the tune once, AoMako took over, her eyes closed either from embarrassment or because she was really getting into the song. AoMako's pre-chorus was accompanied by a high harmony from Chihaya, and then they launched back into the chorus. Most of it was Chihaya on main vocals with AoMako's low harmony, but once or twice the girls sang solo.

And so it proceeded, repeating another verse and two more choruses (complete with a guitar solo in-between the two) before the song ended. Everyone in the audience was shocked into silence by the fact that AoMako could actually _sing_ , and so there was no applause for a whole three minutes.

By the time the applause started, the duo was already in their seats. Chihaya stood and bowed to thank her audience for their applause. AoMako just held up a hand as a wave of sorts.

The MC smiled and waited for the applause to die down before she began to speak again. "Wow, what a group, right? Well, now...I think you all agree that we have a clear winner tonight~!"

Chihaya beamed. "This is it! We've won the talent show!" she whisper-yelled. "I'm so excited...!"

"And the winners are...Artery Vein!"

"Yes!" Chihaya squealed in delight and leapt to her feet. AoMako blinked quizzically.

"Wait, people win in these things?" she muttered to herself.

"...or, at least, Artery Vein would have won if this were a competition that had winners and losers, which it's not! So you two get zero bragging rights!" the MC continued. "Congratulations!"

Chihaya wilted. "...so, we didn't win?"

"Nobody wins these things, honey. It's a talent show, not a talent competition."

Chihaya slowly sank back into her chair. "...well, at least we did better than everyone else."

"Of course we did, I was involved," AoMako scoffed.

"Chihaya-chan!" Haruka cried, running over to greet the team. "Chihaya-chan, that was amazing! I always knew you were an amazing singer, but you and AoMako-chan sound really beautiful together!"

"Really?" Chihaya blinked. "Well, I just used her because she was the only person who would sing with me and I needed a partner to get into the talent show--"

"Wait a second, you _used_ me...?!"

"--so I guess I never considered whether or not we actually sounded good together."

"...you _used_ me?!"

"But thanks for the compliment!"

"Don't ignore me!"

Haruka giggled. "Really though, your voices blend well. It was really great."

"I know," both girls answered at once. Haruka laughed.

"Wow, who knew you were capable of singing," MuraMako chided, poking a teasing finger into AoMako's shoulder. "I can barely make it through an entire conversation with you when we're talking, never mind singing in front of dozens of people."

"Dozens isn't much," AoMako sighed. "I just sang because Kisaragi needed me. That's all."

"So what you're saying is that you like Chihaya more than me."

"Wasn't that obvious...?"

"...you're mean!"

AoMako just shrugged.

More girls came over to congratulate the “winners” (or, in Iori-chan and Minase-chan's case, to insist that they were better than the “winners”). When everyone had finished, a magical portal magically opened up on the wall and the doppelgangers headed towards it to return home.

Chihaya clutched AoMako's arm stubbornly. "I wanna keep her," she protested. "We can make songs together and become a popular idol duo."

AoMako just sighed in annoyance.

"Come on, Chihaya-chan. She has to go home," Haruka cooed.

"But...but she's my partner!" Chihaya whined.

"You're the one that just used me to be able to sing," AoMako complained.

"I didn't mean that!" Chihaya insisted. "It just...came out! Don't go!"

"Sorry, Kisaragi. It's over."

"Wait...! D-don't leave me! Not like this!"

AoMako shook her arm out of Chihaya's grip and started towards the portal. "It's too late for that," she said somewhat sadly. Perhaps she was humoring the idea that this was almost like a couple breaking up, or maybe she was actually sad about leaving, or mayhaps she felt like teasing Chihaya.

Chihaya sank to her knees, also likely humoring the idea that this was almost like a couple breaking up. "...will I ever see you again?" she asked quietly.

"Probably not."

"Then, I guess...this is goodbye."

"Yeah." AoMako offered a tiny smile. "It was...fun."

"You never had fun with me!" MuraMako whined. "You really do like Chihaya more than me! I thought we had something special!"

Ah, and there's MuraMako to play the part of "Jealous Ex-Girlfriend".

"Where did you get that idea?" AoMako sighed. "I only hung out with you because you're me."

"So that's it...?! You're so cruel, leading me to believe you actually cared about me...!"

"What...? I never said anything like that."

"What about that time I took you to the aquarium to see those crabs? I was the first person here who made you smile! Remember that?"

"That was a long time ago, MuraMako."

Chihaya slowly rose to her feet and approached AoMako, then trapped the girl in a tight hug. AoMako just stood there, unamused.

"I'll miss you," the bluenette songstress whispered.

"Yeah, alright," AoMako muttered. "Will you please let go? I have to go before the portal closes."

Chihaya sniffled and slowly released her. "Goodbye, AoMako."

"Farewell, Kisaragi." AoMako dipped her head slightly to Chihaya and then vanished through the swirling energy mass on the wall.

Chihaya sniffled again and went to Haruka to be comforted.

Haruka rubbed her back. "...well, I guess this is the end then," she announced. "Bye."

"Bye," everyone else answered. Then everybody went home.

The end.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to do this. Because in real life, Asami Imai (Chihaya's VA, for those who don't know) and Eri Kitamura (AoMako's VA) are a legitimate singer duo called ARTERY VEIN, in which Asami Imai is Artery and Eri Kitamura is Vein.  
> And so, since they're both "kinda" in this franchise together, I had to do this!  
> "Last Judgement" is a real, legitimate song of theirs. Check it out, it's awesome.
> 
> I own nothing but the idea and the writing. Everything else is property of its respective owners.
> 
> Bye.


	17. Creepy Nighttime Prank Time Extravaganza! Part 2

 

**Creepy Nighttime Prank Time Extravaganza! Part 2**

 

“What happened to Yukiho-chan?” Haruka demanded.

“I don't know, that's why I'm looking for her!” Makoto snapped. “M-maybe she went to the beach early, right?! I'm going to look...!”

“Wait!” Haruka scrambled to her feet. “I'll go with you.”

“Thank you,” Makoto sobbed. She ran into the bathroom to put on beachwear while the rest of the girls prepared themselves for beach time. When they were all ready, they hurried down to the beach. Makoto ran back and forth, searching endlessly for Yukiho. When she couldn't find her, Makoto returned to the entrance the girls had started at and sat on the beach to cry.

Haruka sat beside her and slipped an arm around her shoulders. Makoto embraced her tightly and sobbed. “It'll be alright, Makoto-chan,” Haruka soothed. “Yukiho-chan probably just went for a walk. Maybe she's at the store.”

“Or maybe that pranking jerk kidnapped her to scare us!” Makoto gasped. “D*mmit, if I ever find that guy, so _help_ me I will RIP out his throat!”

“I-I don't think it's a prank,” Yayoi suddenly whimpered from the shoreline. Makoto and Haruka looked over at her, then slowly stood up and joined her. They looked down at the shore where the tide would usually cover the sand. Instead, the sand revealed another message.

_We have Yukiho. No one is safe._

Makoto growled and kicked the sand around the message. Like the day before, no matter how hard she kicked, the sand wouldn't cover it. Yayoi whimpered again and moved closer to Iori.

“I-Iori-chan, I'm scared,” she admitted.

“There's nothing to worry about,” Iori insisted. She raised her voice. “Hey, you! Pranking jerks! We're onto you, you know, so you can drop the act!”

“It's not prank, Iori-chan!” Yayoi insisted. “It's really a g-ghost...!”

“Ghost or not, the second he shows his face, he's DEAD unless he returns Yukiho to me safely,” Makoto hissed. “I won't forgive him for something like this!”

“B-but...”

“But nothing! Let's just get back to the hotel and set up a stake-out!”

“...r-right. Let's go.”

And so the idols wandered back to the inn/hotel/thing, failing to notice the last part of the message:

_You can't escape, 765PRO._

 

~xXxXx~

 

Yayoi shifted in her bed. Tossing and turning wasn't a part of her normal sleep routine, but tonight was different. Tonight, someone was after her. She knew it.

_Why don't the others believe me?_ she thought desperately. _There's a really bad ghost man out to get us, and the others are so calm..._

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, the young ginger scooted a bit closer to Iori. It was at that moment that the door to their room slid open. Yayoi gasped and moved even closer to Iori. She grabbed desperately to Iori's arm. The figure moved towards Yayoi, and Iori stirred.

“Iori-chan, wake up!” Yayoi hissed into her best friend's ear. “Please! Iori...IORI-CHAN!”

Yayoi's last scream was cut off when the figure covered her mouth with their hand and began to drag her away. Iori woke up just in time to see the figure—and her best friend—fade away to nothing in a swirl of mist.

 

~xXxXx~

 

“I got Yayoi-chan~” Shouta announced, emerging into a small beach-cottage. Yayoi had passed out soon after being kidnapped, so Shouta cradled the small girl in his arms. Touma looked up from his book.

“Great. You're looking after her,” he declared.

“OK.” Shouta carried Yayoi to a spare room and plopped her on the bed. “How's Yukiho-chan?”

“Fine,” Hokuto answered from afar. He smiled at Yukiho, who had hidden herself under his bed the second she realized she was with Jupiter. “She's just being her usual beautiful and adorable self.”

“You're scaring her, moron,” Touma snapped. “Oi, Yukiho! Get out from there!”

“I-I don't like you people!” Yukiho squeaked.

Touma rolled his eyes. “Anyone have a guess as to who's next?”

“Iori-chan saw us. I think she'll be next,” Shouta replied.

“Either her, or my lovely Makoto-chan~,” Hokuto added. “She's on the brink of believing it anyways.”

“Actually, it seems like even though Makoto-kun is scared of ghosts, she's so angry that she isn't even thinking about that anymore,” Shouta corrected. “I think it'll be Haruka-chan after Iori-chan, then probably one of the twins, and then Makoto-kun, then the other twin, then Chihaya-chan, then Hibiki-chan, Miki-chan, Azusa-san, Ritsuko-san, and finally Takane-san.”

“...that's a far-fetched prediction,” Touma muttered. “I don't care what order they believe in it in, as long as we get to torment them while they're here.”

“Wasn't this an awesome idea?!”

“I guess so.”

Shouta giggled. “...well, I'm gonna set up on the floor and sleep. Goodnight.”

“Night, kid.”

“Goodnight, Shouta-kun.”

 


End file.
